Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

246 replies

confused2233 · 14/05/2025 10:01

I have been dating this guy for just under 2 months now. We’ve seen each other about 7/8 times so on average once a week. We’ve slept together a lot and I think I am starting to get some feelings.

I think I want to ask him now if he’s dating other people. Even though he seems really into me, I just have a feeling he is still using hinge as I’ve seen it pop up on his recent apps on his phone.

I don’t know how to approach this though and whether it’s too soon, and also what to do if he says yes.

OP posts:
familylawyer01392 · 14/05/2025 10:02

Not at all, me and my partner had this chat after around a month and he said I love you after around 2. Still together in a v healthy relationship 10 years later!

CosmicCuppa · 14/05/2025 10:02

After two months of seeing each other quite a few times and sleeping together, if he’s still interested in other women and/or shagging them, do you really want to keep him around anyway?

Ask.

faerietales · 14/05/2025 10:03

I honestly wouldn’t have gone that long without having that conversation so for me it’s definitely not too soon.

familylawyer01392 · 14/05/2025 10:03

CosmicCuppa · 14/05/2025 10:02

After two months of seeing each other quite a few times and sleeping together, if he’s still interested in other women and/or shagging them, do you really want to keep him around anyway?

Ask.

exactly! i had the chat before my partner and i started sleeping with each other as wouldnt want him to be seeing other women

KitsyWitsy · 14/05/2025 10:12

I'd say that conversation is way overdue. Am I so old that I think it's pretty awful to be assuming the person you're sleeping with is probably sleeping with others? Ugh, no. Dating and talking to other people is fine in the early days but once you've crossed into a sexual relationship then I wouldn't accept him seeing other people.

Littledidsheknow · 14/05/2025 10:12

Well I feel ancient. The "exclusivity chat" didn't exist when I was younger: if you were seeing someone it was taken for granted that you weren't seeing anyone else!
Anyway, after 2 months of a sexual relationship I'd have thought that exclusivity was quite important and should be established. I wouldn't want to be sleeping with someone who was sleeping with an unknown amount of others! Just ask.

I think I'd be a bit irked that he wasn't already making it clear that you were his only one though...

Original poster
confused2233 · 14/05/2025 10:12

Yeah, I just have a feeling something isn’t quite right. And if he is interested in other women after 2 months then yes I’d be pretty upset / offended to be honest!

OP posts:
superplumb · 14/05/2025 10:17

If you're beginning to get feelings id have the chat. If he isn't on same page then end it before you get hurt.

Wyksy · 14/05/2025 10:31

I won’t sleep with someone until I know we are exclusive

whitewineandsun · 14/05/2025 10:35

Agree that if you're developing feelings for him, then have a chat. Better to know if you're not on the same page.

ouch321 · 14/05/2025 10:36

Unpopular view here but...
"Exclusitivity chat' and the idea that one would need to have such a discussion is v symbolic of the disintegration of today's society.

Original poster
confused2233 · 14/05/2025 10:39

I fear he is going to say yes.. but it’s better to know before investing any more time in someone when I deserve to be treated with much more respect I think.

OP posts:
Didimum · 14/05/2025 10:44

confused2233 · 14/05/2025 10:39

I fear he is going to say yes.. but it’s better to know before investing any more time in someone when I deserve to be treated with much more respect I think.

This is the right attitude, OP. Don't lesson your worth out of fear of the answer – the answer is what it is whether you're aware of it or not, and most definitely best before now.

Personally I would have broached this topic before sleeping together – not in a serious commitment type way, just in a 'sleeping together means not sleeping and dating around' way.

373849595d · 14/05/2025 10:47

Surely two months is more than enough time to know whether you want to pursue something serious? I think if there's any uncertainty about making it official from either of you at this stage it's a sign that it's not meant to be.

EdisinBurgh · 14/05/2025 10:48

ouch321 · 14/05/2025 10:36

Unpopular view here but...
"Exclusitivity chat' and the idea that one would need to have such a discussion is v symbolic of the disintegration of today's society.

I agree

The “exclusivity” chat didn’t exist for me (and I’m not old!). Once you’ve been on a couple of dates and certainly once you’ve had sex a couple of times, it’s assumed.

Otherwise he (usually he!) is having his cake and eating it. It all seems very undignified for women.

We need new dating standards clearly!!

Original poster
confused2233 · 14/05/2025 10:58

Thanks everyone for your kind replies! We had sex on our second date which was probably way too soon…

I think deep down I am not ready for a relationship. I have a lot of self esteem and self respect issues which I think is why I am putting off having this chat. But I am becoming emotionally invested in him and sort of ignoring the fact that I am actually not being treated with how I want to be treated, if that makes any sense.

OP posts:
LoveSandbanks · 14/05/2025 11:16

I’d be wanting the chat about exclusivity around the time I started having sex with him. I’d want to know what my risk for stds was.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 14/05/2025 11:18

It’s not much of a relationship if you can’t just ask him…..

ItGhoul · 14/05/2025 12:15

You need to be an adult and have the conversation. And no, not 'too soon'. There's not really any such thing as 'too soon'; if it's what you want, it's not too soon.

EggnogNoggin · 14/05/2025 12:41

It's been 15 years but I used to wait a month for sex and only then when I was sure I wanted a relationship.

Dates were for fun, not a fill in for a relationship.

Ruggerlass · 14/05/2025 12:51

ouch321 · 14/05/2025 10:36

Unpopular view here but...
"Exclusitivity chat' and the idea that one would need to have such a discussion is v symbolic of the disintegration of today's society.

Totally agree.

Goditsmemargaret · 14/05/2025 12:56

Listen you need to set your own standards not adapt them to somebody else's. There is absolutely no point asking him if he's still on hinge then getting upset.

All you can do now is -
Accept it doesn't feel right and move on.
Accept it doesn't feel right but stuck with it because you've made a decision your happiness is unimportant. (DONT DO THIS).
Or ideally
Recognise that you've gone cart before the horse here with not having the conversation before intimacy but ask him for a chat, ask where he sees this going etc. And TELL HIM "just to share with you where I'm at; at this point in I'm not interested in continuing to see someone who is still keeping his options open. That strikes me as an indecisiven or flighty person and I don't think we would be a good match. I feel at this point it should be clear if we are ready to put down the other distractions and see where this goes. If that doesn't feel right after two months better to walk away."

minnienono · 14/05/2025 13:03

I knew after one date, dh claims he knew before he met me, I cancelled my dating apps before leaving the car park. If after 8 weeks one or other of you aren’t sure i would question whether it’s right

UnctuousUnicorns · 14/05/2025 13:06

"Well I feel ancient. The "exclusivity chat" didn't exist when I was younger: if you were seeing someone it was taken for granted that you weren't seeing anyone else!"

Budge up on that fogey bench; my middle aged arse wants to join you.

MiddleAgedDread · 14/05/2025 13:09

CosmicCuppa · 14/05/2025 10:02

After two months of seeing each other quite a few times and sleeping together, if he’s still interested in other women and/or shagging them, do you really want to keep him around anyway?

Ask.

this!!
I never even knew the "inclusivity chat" was a thing until I read about it on MN. I remember mentioning it to my BF and he didn't know about it and assumed that if we've reached the point of jumping into bed together several times we were exclusive!! It must definitely be an age thing!