Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

[confused2233]

I have been dating this guy for just under 2 months now. We’ve seen each other about 7/8 times so on average once a week. We’ve slept together a lot and I think I am starting to get some feelings.

I think I want to ask him now if he’s dating other people. Even though he seems really into me, I just have a feeling he is still using hinge as I’ve seen it pop up on his recent apps on his phone.

I don’t know how to approach this though and whether it’s too soon, and also what to do if he says yes.

This is what the article ive linked is about. Sexual liberation has benefitted men more than women

How very selfish of him

Really interesting to hear everyone’s responses!

Unfortunately I think nowadays with modern dating it’s become extremely easy to date multiple people, even if you are getting along with one person. I think there’s a real mentality of “the grass could always be greener” which has been hugely exacerbated by the apps.

I will definitely have the conversation with him next time. I am nervous though!

I really understand you’re feeling nervous, you need to know and your gut instinct is bothering you. I assume you would end things if you get the wrong answer?

Was the rise of this awful (sexist?) “exclusivity chat” norm and strung out negotiations to reach official BF/GF status linked to the rise of tech enabled relationships, ie dating apps?

Is that where it came from? Or somewhere else?

Can it be put back in the box it crawled out from?

If it’s enough time to have sex it’s enough time to discuss exclusivity.

Why is it sexist for people to ensure everybody is on the same page?

What a surprise - not! Aka of course it fucking has. 🙄

Goodness, I’d be having that chat long before taking my clothes off. Have you taken regular STD tests?

glad to see you are going to raise it with him. And absolutely if he is on board each agree to get yourselves tested.

and if he doesn’t agree, please, please drop him. Don’t need nothing if that in your life. Of course you will catch feelings for him. All the best.

My mum used to speak of dating multiple lads before she met my dad, and warned of getting too serious too soon. I should mention now that to her, "dating" meant going to the cinema, walking in the park, chatting etc. with no more intimacy than holding hands and maybe a peck on the cheek on parting company. It definitely did not mean screwing around multiple people. And nor did it mean that when I came to dating, thank fuck.

The exclusivity chat never used to be a thing. If date one was a success then it should be automatic, but I’d say date two is a perfectly suitable occasion if such a conversation is needed.

Gauge what's happening. I'm dating someone and had sex on 2nd date. Seen maybe 3 times staying his Friday and going for something to eat. Anyways we were chatting on message chatting about houses etc etc and I said eventually I wanna move and buy a 3 storey etc he wants a garage bla bla we both own homes. Anyways I said bet it's nice having own home just yourself (i have kids he doesn't) as you can do what you want, when you want and bring whoever back you want. He replied he hasn't brought anyone back in that way I'm the first etc and he's very factual. I know he has female friends so I them said I wasn't insinuating anything I meant more like friends and he said yeah friends coming bk etc etc and I joked saying something well fwb then lol and he replied he's never had a fwb. He also said he only speaks with one woman at a time but it's ok if I wanna see others which I'm not Anyways. So just ask slyly if your shy.

If it's not taken as read when you start sleeping together, that's the time not to have an exclusivity chat, but the time to dump.

Sexist or otherwise, in the world not populated by jack rabbits, it used to be safe to assume that "going out" with someone automatically meant that the two of you were exclusive, unless one was a dirty two timing cheat. How times have changed for some people.

Was the rise of this awful (sexist?) “exclusivity chat” norm and strung out negotiations to reach official BF/GF status linked to the rise of tech enabled relationships, ie dating apps?

I think its sexist, because it favours casual relationships, which (a lot of) men prefer. And I'm sure tech has a lot to do with it. Given the amount of negotiating it takes to get a relationship off the ground, I'm amazed anyone ever gets married!!!

Well if you are accepting of that, then you make a rod for your own back.

It's got nothing to do with 'modern dating' btw. It's a concept that's been normalised to excuse being a twat to other people.

You can choose to play this game or you can choose to ignore it. But don't talk about it as if it's something you have to passively accept. It isn't.

Well I feel ancient. The "exclusivity chat" didn't exist when I was younger: if you were seeing someone it was taken for granted that you weren't seeing anyone else!

I'm the same.

Even more confusingly, my colleague had to explain to me that although her son (late teens) had been seeing someone for months and they were exclusive, this didn't mean they were actually 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. Therefore they could not refer to each other as such.

Apparently that's ANOTHER conversation to be had. 😵‍💫 🤯

So what’s the criteria for boyfriend/girlfriend????? @Butchyrestingface

Fuck knows! DH and I considered ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend after the first couple of dates, although we didn't sleep together for three months, and it was automatically taken that we were exclusive, not that that particular word was ever used back then. It's very confusing. 🤷‍♀️

Multi dating = horrible American import. We seem to have imported a lot of ideas from America except one. The way they deal with Child Support I suspect thats because the latter would affect men

I wish we could have one thread where a poster asks for advice about the exclusivity chat that doesn't get derailed with "bAcK in mY dAy".

There was no such thing as exclusivity chats when I was dating either but they're not a hard concept to get your head around and in an age of OLD they make total sense.

The answer is that there's no such thing as "too soon" for it - OP, all that matters is how you feel. It might not be what me, other posters or the woman next to you feels - you have to work out what you want here. If you feel you want to be exclusive now, it's not too soon.

You should never, ever second-guess that you'll scare a man off by saying what you want. The point of dating is to find someone you're compatible with: someone who's either on your wavelength or at least open to respecting your wavelength.

Either he feels the same way - great!

Or maybe he didn't feel the same way but he feels enough to get on board now you've brought it up. (This is usually how it works on one side or the other, because someone has to bring up exclusivity first.)

Or he doesn't feel the same way at all in which case he's not the one for you and it's great that you've found out so soon.

Maybe thats just ONE reason why some young women are refusing to date and it may be just one thing thats affecting the birth rate. Thankfully there are some young women who wont put up with it

Basically what @ViciousCurrentBun said upthread, namely:

Does anyone know when this need for a chat started to happen. I know it’s a thing as have an early twenties DS. His timeline was like this. They chatted for a couple of weeks and within 2 to 3 weeks of first meet they had the exclusivity chat. Then and this sort of blew my mind they became an official BF/GF after a further 3 weeks. I assumed the exclusivity chat meant they were GF/BF.

The criteria for BF/GF is The Talk. NOT exclusivity.

My colleague seemed as equally perplexed as I was. She said she was so glad she was out of the dating game this would have fucked with her head.

The young make things so complicated these days.

I'd have found this out early on. I'm not into people who shag about with others, so if I was having sex with someone I'd want to know they weren't also having it with anyone else.