Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

[confused2233]

I have been dating this guy for just under 2 months now. We’ve seen each other about 7/8 times so on average once a week. We’ve slept together a lot and I think I am starting to get some feelings.

I think I want to ask him now if he’s dating other people. Even though he seems really into me, I just have a feeling he is still using hinge as I’ve seen it pop up on his recent apps on his phone.

I don’t know how to approach this though and whether it’s too soon, and also what to do if he says yes.

Eww. Sorry OP but I'd get rid. As someone else said, he's sleeping with you while he waits for something "better" (in his eyes) to come along. No doubt you'll be 5 years down the road still waiting for some sort of commitment if you stay with him

It's hurtful, but he means he's not into anything serious with you at all. You can't force your feelings.

Now it's up to you if you want to stay in a "casual" relationship where the other one is not bothered about you, or if you want something serious and genuine.
Nothing wrong with casual dating, as long as you remember that people won't suddenly change and want more one day. He won't.
At worst he will end it when he meets the one, and I am sorry but that's not you.

If you're dating and at the level where you're having sex you should be able to assume that you're exclusive. Being casual and sleeping with others should be an open thing that's discussed if that's what you want to do because I don't think the majority would be happy with this if they wete honest.
However in this day and age, I think it's wise to discuss it because it avoids this type of thing. I would end this here and in future when dating, be a bit more upfront about what you want before you get physical. If it scares anyone off then so be it, they would have just dicked you about anyway.

He's just not that into you.

He's screwing you until he gets a better offer.

That's all you need to know.

Yeah, I forgot to add "and getting a full std check too".

WTF is an 'exclusivity chat'. If I'm seeing someone, and we're sleeping together, then I'd expect him not to be shagging someone else. Is this the new normal? Stop the world, I want to get off.

I’m so sorry OP, what happens next?

You’re not an option for him to mull over, I’d walk away! Make your own rules around dating, get to know someone before sleeping with them, it will weed out most of the ones who just want a sexual relationship.

I really hope you didn’t sleep with him after he told you that. He’s been honest (assuming he isn’t actually shagging other people) so you are now armed with the information to make an informed choice. This is a positive, as much as it feels like a kick in the teeth.

Whether you want to walk away or continue in a ‘relationship’ with him, the only way to respond to his admission is to end things.

If he wants you he’ll object to ending things and agree to exclusivity rather than lose you. Game playing? Perhaps. But with someone who’s playing the field, you need to know the rules.

Most likely is that he’ll feel mildly perturbed that you dumped him first and then give it no further thought. Leaving you to move on and find someone better. Which won’t be hard. His loss. Onwards and upwards.

I really appreciate everyone’s responses and advice! It does feel pretty shit to be honest - I thought he was into me and I am not even sure if he’s telling the truth about dating others. We’ve been sleeping together regularly and he has indicated in the past that he wants a serious relationship and that could be with me. It’s just confusing and hurtful but I think the only thing for me to do now is to end it. I deserve to be treated with more respect.

And yes, I did sleep with him after he told me this. Which I know was probably the wrong thing to do but as mentioned above, I have very low self esteem 😔

Chin up and walk away. You know this one isn't for you.

So he's had regular sex without feeling the need to commit, he must be laughing. Hold your head high and walk away; he can find another mug to keep dangling while he "keeps his options open". 🙄 What a creep. You deserve better. 💐

How did you respond when he told you this? Did you say this wasn’t what you wanted, and if so, how did he reply? Does he know he’s now likely to lose you?

Well at least you now know where you stand. If you had not asked you would not know and would have wasted your time.

I would stop seeing him immediately. If it’s too soon for “exclusivity” it’s too soon to have sex with him.

Eh? Not sure what’s so modern about this or why he would love her being upfront and clarifying things when so many were suggesting she should not.

I think OLD also encouraged this. Because when you meet somebody online they are a total stranger so cutting off others you maybe talking to when you don’t even know if this will go past a few dates is silly.

But for me the line in the sand is sex. To not want exclusivity but to also want to have sex is nonsensical to me. Unless everybody is clear upfront that it’s just casual.

Bin him, OP. You don’t have to be anyone’s option 2 or do the pick me dance.

This with bells on! I have recently entered the saying world again after 25 years and new BF and I had the chat before having sex.

we both know that we are monogamous by nature and I have made it very clear that he can do what he wants but I do not accept anything other than exclusivity. He stressed repeatedly that he is the same and would walk away from me if I wasn’t willing to commit fully.

tell him it is not enough for you and move on.

Thanks everyone. Is the chat better in person or over message? I honestly just have a feeling he might ghost me now….. 😭

I suddenly feel just really quite upset by it all, I’ve definitely got feelings already…

I wouldn't say this if he was serious about you but because he's stringing you along I'd message him that it's over. Just say it's not what you're looking for. Don't get into a long debate as he might manipulate you into continuing this unhealthy set up.

Casual sex is fine as long as it's what you're both signing up for but I'm sorry he knew when he decided to sleep with you that there wasn't a long term future otherwise he wouldn't be seeking anyone else.

I would just send him a message so you don’t have to listen to his blabla.

Chat? Don’t chat with him, for goodness sake! A brief message ending it is all that’s required.

and remember: never treat anyone as a priority if they merely see you as an option…

But however you do it, make sure he knows WHY you are ending it

This is what’s throwing me off when reading these types of threads. There’s been so many in this same vein so it’s obviously ‘a thing’ and I feel ancient! As you say, anytime I date someone a second time, the fact that they want to see me again I just assume we are exclusive now and we both proceed like that. My last relationship was 2 years ago and I intend to be single until another year or so and really hope that my age group (40-50) aren’t following suit! Dating is enough of a nightmare as it is! 😅