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Original poster

Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

246 replies

confused2233 · 14/05/2025 10:01

I have been dating this guy for just under 2 months now. We’ve seen each other about 7/8 times so on average once a week. We’ve slept together a lot and I think I am starting to get some feelings.

I think I want to ask him now if he’s dating other people. Even though he seems really into me, I just have a feeling he is still using hinge as I’ve seen it pop up on his recent apps on his phone.

I don’t know how to approach this though and whether it’s too soon, and also what to do if he says yes.

OP posts:
UnctuousUnicorns · 14/05/2025 13:13

"I never even knew the "inclusivity chat" was a thing until I read about it on MN"

Me neither. I'm so glad I've been out of the dating pool for almost thirty years.

dollyblue01 · 14/05/2025 13:13

We never had it and he’d been on it a while, but both were deleted pretty much from the first date. id just ask tbf if he was still on after 3 dates I’d be dumping him anyway.

Sdpbody · 14/05/2025 13:29

We had it after 2 days.

We were friends before though.

Iloveeverycat · 14/05/2025 13:51

UnctuousUnicorns · 14/05/2025 13:13

"I never even knew the "inclusivity chat" was a thing until I read about it on MN"

Me neither. I'm so glad I've been out of the dating pool for almost thirty years.

I only know about being excusive now as my DD in their 20s told me how it is now. The thing I don't like it is only up to the men to decide whether they want to be exclusive or not the woman at all.

Original poster
confused2233 · 14/05/2025 13:54

Yep…. Dating is super hard nowadays!! And brutal!

OP posts:
Lovelysummerdays · 14/05/2025 13:57

I think I’d of had it before, I tend to sleep with people once I’ve decided it’s going somewhere.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 14/05/2025 13:58

I've never had this chat as i would never date/see someone if it wasn't exclusive. Always had my cards on the table from day 1, if he's speaking to someone else too then i'm not interested.

ViciousCurrentBun · 14/05/2025 14:00

Does anyone know when this need for a chat started to happen. I know it’s a thing as have an early twenties DS. His timeline was like this. They chatted for a couple of weeks and within 2 to 3 weeks of first meet they had the exclusivity chat. Then and this sort of blew my mind they became an official BF/GF after a further 3 weeks. I assumed the exclusivity chat meant they were GF/BF.

@Iloveeverycat I think it can be either though I do know that it was DS who asked her to be his GF. He cooked her a lovely dinner when he asked, I know because he ran the menu past me.

Hellohelga · 14/05/2025 14:03

Same @UnctuousUnicorns I only know about this from my DD.

In my day exclusivity was assumed from day 1 and having two people on the go was two timing and would result in an immediate dumping. I’m shocked young women will have sex with a guy who sleeps with other women. The situationship is another horrible disrespect.

Springtime43 · 14/05/2025 14:03

faerietales · 14/05/2025 10:03

I honestly wouldn’t have gone that long without having that conversation so for me it’s definitely not too soon.

Totally agree

GraceUnderPresure · 14/05/2025 14:04

ViciousCurrentBun · 14/05/2025 14:00

Does anyone know when this need for a chat started to happen. I know it’s a thing as have an early twenties DS. His timeline was like this. They chatted for a couple of weeks and within 2 to 3 weeks of first meet they had the exclusivity chat. Then and this sort of blew my mind they became an official BF/GF after a further 3 weeks. I assumed the exclusivity chat meant they were GF/BF.

@Iloveeverycat I think it can be either though I do know that it was DS who asked her to be his GF. He cooked her a lovely dinner when he asked, I know because he ran the menu past me.

This whole labels thing does my head in - my DD is early 20s + been exclusively 'talking to' a guy for a few months, which in my mind makes them GF + BF, they've even been away together but until he officially asks her she won't say he's her BF which means she can't introduce him to anyone. Modern dating makes me feel very old sometimes and very glad I'm not part of it!

JenniferBooth · 14/05/2025 14:05

EdisinBurgh · 14/05/2025 10:48

I agree

The “exclusivity” chat didn’t exist for me (and I’m not old!). Once you’ve been on a couple of dates and certainly once you’ve had sex a couple of times, it’s assumed.

Otherwise he (usually he!) is having his cake and eating it. It all seems very undignified for women.

We need new dating standards clearly!!

Show quote history

Same here

https://www.thefp.com/p/loveless-sex-is-not-empowering

feelinghopeless2025 · 14/05/2025 14:07

Wyksy · 14/05/2025 10:31

I won’t sleep with someone until I know we are exclusive

Each to their own but this is wild to me- maybe I'm just loose but I quite often slept with people on the first or second date in my single days. I most certainly wasn't exclusive with them all! (Although I have been with my now DP for several years now and he was one of those lucky fellas.)

OP, I think 2 months is fine, and others say- overdue. My DP and I had the talk after about a month I think. I was definitely still seeing other people at that point, not sure if he was (I didn't ask/don't care) but once I realised it was just him I wanted and we had the chat he was the only one.

Nsky62 · 14/05/2025 14:08

familylawyer01392 · 14/05/2025 10:03

exactly! i had the chat before my partner and i started sleeping with each other as wouldnt want him to be seeing other women

Show quote history

Very wise, you never undo that intimacy

UnctuousUnicorns · 14/05/2025 14:09

Hellohelga · 14/05/2025 14:03

Same @UnctuousUnicorns I only know about this from my DD.

In my day exclusivity was assumed from day 1 and having two people on the go was two timing and would result in an immediate dumping. I’m shocked young women will have sex with a guy who sleeps with other women. The situationship is another horrible disrespect.

It's gross, isn't it. I'd be leaving the shag happy alley cats and their wandering willies to it and fucking off with my self esteem still intact.

OneAmberFinch · 14/05/2025 14:09

Exclusivity is the absolute bare minimum of commitment and it's a conversation that can be had on the first date if you want to. You're not asking him to marry you.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 14/05/2025 14:10

I must be old fashioned too, because if we sleep together just ONCE, I expect exclusivity, and always have.

MeganM3 · 14/05/2025 14:11

Personally I’d have the chat after 3 or 4 dates. You need to know if you’re on the same page. If he’s still out there looking, I’d assume I’m not the one for him. People know pretty quickly whether they’re interested in a relationship or not. If your happy with a more casual situation then that’s fine, but it’s still worth having clarity.

Nsky62 · 14/05/2025 14:11

UnctuousUnicorns · 14/05/2025 14:09

It's gross, isn't it. I'd be leaving the shag happy alley cats and their wandering willies to it and fucking off with my self esteem still intact.

Show quote history

Def, cats you can understand, we women don’t have to put up with it

MamaorBruh · 14/05/2025 14:12

I also am of the mindset that if I'm sleeping with someone then I'm not sleeping with anyone else!
Sadly, if you fear he is doing that then usually that fear is right (been there myself!)
Ask him, and update us.
If he is, then his loss.

cramptramp · 14/05/2025 14:15

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 14/05/2025 14:10

I must be old fashioned too, because if we sleep together just ONCE, I expect exclusivity, and always have.

Me too. Stuff everyone shagging around for a couple of months while they see if there is anyone better out there. I’d be thinking that I’m worth more than that.

Missywelliot · 14/05/2025 14:30

About a month too late if you must have it.

I still think that chat sounds weird. Generation after Generation have managed without it.

Springtime43 · 14/05/2025 14:33

I'm like a few other posters, old enough to remember when if you were seeing someone, 'exclusive' was the default.

Whilst I recognise that women can also choose to be non-exclusive, the whole situation seems very weighted in men's favour

Springtime43 · 14/05/2025 14:42

There was a recent thread, the OP had been seeing a man for 3 months, they were sleeping together, and he stated it was too soon for him to decide if she was his girlfriend or not. Just grim.

UnctuousUnicorns · 14/05/2025 14:45

Springtime43 · 14/05/2025 14:42

There was a recent thread, the OP had been seeing a man for 3 months, they were sleeping together, and he stated it was too soon for him to decide if she was his girlfriend or not. Just grim.

But definitely not too soon for her to decide that he's a slimy arsehole - on yer bike, creep. At least, I'd hope that's how she ended it.