Is 2 months of dating too soon for the exclusivity chat?

[confused2233]

I have been dating this guy for just under 2 months now. We’ve seen each other about 7/8 times so on average once a week. We’ve slept together a lot and I think I am starting to get some feelings.

I think I want to ask him now if he’s dating other people. Even though he seems really into me, I just have a feeling he is still using hinge as I’ve seen it pop up on his recent apps on his phone.

I don’t know how to approach this though and whether it’s too soon, and also what to do if he says yes.

Small world!

I was definitely aware of many straightforward men/relationships like the ones you described in 2010 Glasgow, but equally, in my social circle at least, there were many men playing the whole “not exclusive yet” game even back in 2007!

I had a pretty chaotic social circle though tbf so many not the most representative bunch - it seems they were ahead of their time with that nonsense.

When I was dating, "exclusive" was the default, anything else was "two timing". Not sure how it ended up doing a complete 180?

Agree. Anyone being found out to be ‘non exclusive’ back in my day would have resulted in a scrap in the club car park

Definitely, god knows how it all got so complicated.

I suppose online dating allows you to see or at least speak to multiple people very easily, and whenever I first meet up with someone I'm definitely not assuming I'm the only one they're seeing.

Offline, though, I struggle to understand how anyone could meet enough people in a short space of time to end up seeing more than one person at a time!

Very true about online dating but just because the method of meeting people may have changed, I’m not sure why the principles of dating have changed/deteriorated?

And (correct me if I’m wrong) if you meet someone in real life, is that more likely to be a’normal’ (ie exclusive is the default) situation than if you meet via OLD?

I’m not sure why the principles of dating have changed/deteriorated? @Springtime43

maybe just part of a wider decline in morals and consideration for others unfortunately.

I definitely know people who met first irl such as work or bars etc and they’ve did the whole “we’re not exclusive” thing. I even see posts about it on MN. It may well be less of a thing than if you meet online though.

I think two men have tried to pull that stunt on me, one I met in person, the other was from a dating app.

If you watch love island (well done if you don’t) you’ll see a clear and perhaps more extreme illustration of how it goes in modern dating.

Couples are in some cases telling each other “I love you”, having sex, making plans for going on holiday once the show is over etc… but they’re still not officially boyfriend or girlfriend.

@Springtime43exactly that

Couples are in some cases telling each other “I love you”, having sex, making plans for going on holiday once the show is over etc… but they’re still not officially boyfriend or girlfriend.

@Inawhyl so what’s the criteria for being boyfriend/girlfriend????

If women would say ‘no sex til we’re exclusive’ the situation would improve immediately! But sadly I think some women think that having sex may be a route to exclusivity?

I feel so shit about the whole thing this morning!! I don’t know why, wish I could just stop thinking about him. I don’t think he will be thinking about me 😔

Anyone have any good tips on how not to care? Thinking about some of the things he said to me which were quite hurtful and wish I had responded better…

I think it's not about not caring if he said hurtful things to you. Depends what he said. I think it's about what you do next. Any counselling for your self esteem generally (I don't mean for him specifically)?

Definitely you deserve to build some stronger boundaries.

However things were years ago, these days it is prudent to check exclusivity before sex. Leave it a few dates if you like. If they say no, and you're not looking for casual with them, walk away. No more conversations, no more sex. They've had their chance to give things a go with you without others involved. That doesn't mean marriage and buying a house.

I'd say for this one, taking it on the chin and working out what to do differently in future is a big factor.

OP, I'm really sorry all this happened. Better to find out now though, than to get even more attached and then find out he's playing the field.

Keeping busy is the only thing that works (and it does work, just give it time). And please keep posting if it helps.

It’s not about not caring! It’s about how you react to caring and the associated pain.

You need to develop strategies to help you accept and ‘sit’ with difficult and painful feelings. You need to develop a mental core of steel that stops you from acting with your heart instead of your head, and focus on the likely detrimental consequences of any impulsive actions you are considering.

Counselling would probably help you, as would the Freedom Programme. As well as reading…:

Why Does He Do That (free pdf online)
Women Who Love Too Much
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem

you’ll get there, but you absolutely have to put in the work as the kind of resilience you need doesn’t just happen. 💐

You could try putting all your feelings on paper, either in a journal or in the form of a letter to him that you don't send.

I find it can help to lean into your anger - he's treated you very badly, you do not deserve this, and you've had a lucky escape, as even if you get serious with each other, he'd still be a selfish shit underneath, and it would come out at a later stage, which would be worse.

No I’m sure he won’t! Sorry you picked a bad egg this time but WELL DONE on putting him into the bin eventually. The trick is to start doing that much earlier and you’ll get so good at that that in the end you won’t even meet up with the bad ones to start with or dump instantly.

I know this is sensitive but I’m so sad for you that you slept with him twice after he outright said he didn’t want to be with you - do you find it hard to say no when someone makes a move on you? Or did you genuinely feel like having sex and he was conveniently there? Or did you think it would make him change his mind?

I do understand you’re feeling a bit crap but I think you need to be honest with yourself that he was actually telling you quite clearly that he wasn’t interested in an actual relationship with you but you chose to ignore this.

Yes dating can be brutal but taking time to put strong boundaries in place will mean that less of these men who are purely after sex will get over the first hurdle.

With kindness I'm not sure I agree he's been terrible. This is early dating. You need a better system. If he had agreed to be exclusive/ in a relationship and lied about seeing others that would be different but he didn't. He let you know he wasn't interested and you slept with him anyway. He was just happy to go with the flow, have consensual sex and see if anything developed. He probably liked aspects of you but it wasn't fully 'there' for him. It doesn't need pathologising, you need to protect yourself and be clear on what you want. Not saying he's a prince but looking at my dating history, it was very clear the times where I should have bailed earlier.

https://www.zinio.com/gb/article/red-uk/july-2025-i674689/how-to-date-in-2025-a19

https://gb.readly.com/magazines/red-uk/2025-05-29/6831b8afb79e9b8d7df6f2dc

I’ve cut to the end. I’m old. I would expect a person, after the second date, to stop playing the field. If, after the third date, it’s not working, you split, and both are free to do as they choose.

Admittedly, way back when, before the internet, he would have had to physically showered, got dressed properly, driven or got transport out, to meet other ‘potentials’.