To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

[colachive]

DP friend is in the process of getting divorced. He is actively on the apps, as he hasn’t had sex with his ex wife for 5 years, is pretty desperate. My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

AIBU to find this gross? 21 year old girls will think a 35 year old man is ancient, no? He seems to think that that’s an acceptable age gap. For context I’m 37.

But the 21+ would still have to pick/select him wouldn't they?
Can't see why if affects you?

No, it's not "revolting". 21+ is adult. They will be consenting. What's the problem?

Not revolting no. It’s up to those young women to decide what they want. As long as he’s not lying about his age.
My friend’s 62 yr old ex is looking for 30+ ! He can dream. She was joking with him that if 30 yr gap was OK his range should be 30-90 😁

YANBU

Hopelessly optimistic more like. Although a friend of mine met her husband when she was 22 and he was 36. That was 30 years ago though when teenagers were viewed as adults.

Yes, and you were certainly an adult at 22!

It would give me the ick but plenty of women seem to shag older men.

21 is an adult and she would need to choose him as well. Don't really see the problem with this.

A lot of women of this age look for older men as they are seen as more mature as men/boys around their age. It's not uncommon.

And what he does is none of your business.

Not unusual I'd think. A lot of men seem to want much younger women. Be interesting to see what he puts as his upper age range. Bet he doesn't put it to 49 if he thinks a 14 year gap is acceptable!

I am a 35 year old F, yes it is cringe but, it put off many of the women in his age range lol.

Yes it is gross, what interest is a 21 year old woman to a 35 year old man, other than using her body? You need to be reserving your judgement for closer to home though, seeing as this came at the suggestion of your partner.

How many of the 35 year old women on here would consider sleeping with a 21 year old man?

I found 35 yo men attractive when I was 21. Older, obviously, but not "ancient".

My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

I'd be worried more about your partner than I would his pal.

What's the pal's UPPER age limit? That to me is going to be the real smell test here.

Theres been an ongoing argument about this on twitter, a bunch of psychologists pointed out that the statistics show that when women say they want a man who’s older than them they mean 2-4 years, not 15. Women kept saying I’m not interested in old men and the men kept claiming that 21 year olds love 40yr olds. I remember being 21, 35 was fucking OLD.

I mean a woman would actually have to respond to his approach but I’d side eye any 35yr old who’s interested in 21yr old women. I’d think they are being a bit optimistic unless they are really really hot. My husband is 7 years older than me but I met him when I was in my early 30’s.

Regardless of their age, men find women in their early 20's physically most attractive. Of course that is not saying anything about their personality, values, aspirations etc, but physically that's what they prefer, and he's after a bit of shagging about after a dry spell he's going to go for looks as his number one criteria.

www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10#:~:text=CHARTS:%20Guys%20Like%20Women%20In,Of%20How%20Old%20They%20Get&text=It's%20a%20common%20cliche%20that,to%20men%20their%20own%20age.&text=To%20make%20these%20charts%2C%20Rudder,closer%20to%20their%20own%20age.&text=Still%2C%20it's%20harder%20for%20women,amount%20above%20his%20own%20age.%22

Yes, that’s gross, but I also think it’s a form of FOMO. When I was online dating, I would often see men aged 26 or so set their date range for women to 18 - 40. They didn’t want to miss out on any woman who would be interested.

I imagine most 21 year olds would have their upper age range set at 30, the ones that don’t are clearly open to older so I don’t see the harm really

I must admit when in was 19-23, I had men in their mid thirties hitting on me, and I found them completely ancient and unattractive. So ultimately, they will only genuinely attract someone who actually likes them.

Delusional is probably the word I would use

I think many young women will probably have the opposite limited - less than 30 if they want a relationship - less than 40 if they just want a shag. Older men will probably take them to better restaurants first. As long as he is honest about his age then the women can choose.

Well unless he catches them with a big fishing net i presume they have some say in the matter and are fully grown adults who can decide for themselves? or is thins something else being taken away from women who can think for themselves?

Its grim

It would be far worse if he set it at 16. At 21 they are definitely adults and quite capable of making the decision as to whether they are interested or not, there are, after all, plenty of examples of younger women and much older men having perfectly happy relationships

You don’t say whether he is charming and handsome or a bit of an arse with a beer belly. That will probably be a contributing factor as to whether many younger women are interested. Regardless though they’d need to also choose him so as adults I don’t really see the issue!

Half your age plus 7 should be lower limit for dating apps.

So for a 35 year old. 25 years old should be the lower limit. and 56 the upper.