To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

[colachive]

DP friend is in the process of getting divorced. He is actively on the apps, as he hasn’t had sex with his ex wife for 5 years, is pretty desperate. My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

AIBU to find this gross? 21 year old girls will think a 35 year old man is ancient, no? He seems to think that that’s an acceptable age gap. For context I’m 37.

21+ is fine, he's saying his age bracket of acceptance is 21 to old! It would be bad if he said 21-29 only.

The brain is immature at 14, and at 21.

Comparing a 21 year old adult's maturity level to that of a 14 year old child is insulting, ridiculous and just wrong.

And I see we've stretched the goalposts for child even further, from 25 to 30 😂

You could but it would be very unwise due to being so young and not having even finished school ,whereas a 21 could 5 years out of school and been working for several years ,there's a huge difference in the maturity levels of a 14 ,year old and 21 year old.

My dad is eighteen years older than my mum. She was 17 when they met, married for 33 years and had three kids together.

There are plenty of reasons why young women would want an older man: financial security, emotional maturity, accomplished and confident.

Often, young women who have abusive or neglectful fathers seek out older men for romantic relationships. This was the case for my mum. My dad saved her from the horrible beatings her alcoholic father used to give her. He provided for her and looked after her and my sisters.

Ive never understood why people have such an issue with age gap relationships. If people are happy, good on them. We all have different life experiences.

That’s just ridiculous!

Someone upthrad pointed out (correctly IMO) that when someone introduces a personal anecdote and says that they/their parents got together with a big age gap, posters with opposing views are generally too polite to say "Yes, your hysband/dad is a total creep".

The inverse is also true however. If someone jumps in to say that their mid 20s darling daughter is a first class graduate... but still rings me up to ask how to boil an egg, or cries down the phone for hours at some petty trivia- people are generally too polite to say that yes, your daughter sound inept and childish for her age, she should have a better grasp on both her emotional regulation and the practicalities of adult life.

There are plenty of reasons why young women would want an older man: financial security, emotional maturity, accomplished and confident.

I think also with a lot of age gap pairings, it wasn't that someone specifically wanted an older or a younger person, they fell in love with that person, who happened to be a different age to them.

Where’s your evidence? Just because you say that doesn’t means it’s fact 😂 plenty of 30 year olds have shit lives and make bad decisions. I don’t care what you think. You are also wrong

There really is quite the undertone of misogyny here, isn't there?

A 21 year old woman is an adult and fully capable of deciding who she wants to shag.

You know that the idea that the brain "reaches maturity" at 25/30 or whatever is absolute bollocks, right?

Yep and it's depressing and also insulting to young women as though they don't know their own minds

Only on mumsnet are you a child until practically 26 years old yet middle-aged by about 30 😆

It's a narrow window 😂

I wonder if the same people arguing that 21 year-olds are fully fledged adults say the same about young adults who want to modify their bodies. She's 21, if she wants to hack her breasts off and fashion a penis put of her arm, she can!.. right?

Young women are infantilised by society and treated as if they are not capable of making decisions for themselves. Women are seen as passive during sexual encounters with men, rather than enthusiastic participants or even instigators. Women, especially young women are sexual beings who know what they want and what they are doing. Sure, we make mistakes but that’s life.

I have been a teenager and in my twenties before. People who think that their daughters are innocent virgin flowers are very much mistaken.

Yes.

The amount of people who identify as trans is hugely worrying and something is very wrong in society that we pander to this ideology
but wether you like it or not a 21 year old is an adult and has the same rights and privileges as any adult
I would hope any adult who wanted extreme surgery to become their desired Gender, would have to go a long period of counselling and adjustments,such as living as a " male" / "female" ,before they would be considered for such surgery

I wonder if the same people arguing that 21 year-olds are fully fledged adults say the same about young adults who want to modify their bodies. She's 21, if she wants to hack her breasts off and fashion a penis put of her arm, she can!.. right?

I don't think any doctor should be allowing any person to unnecesarily mutilate their body, no. It's unethical.

You are painting all women with the same brush.

I don't think maturity depends on age. It depends on personality and also life experiences.

I know a 40 year old man who has never left home, never worked. He gets his mum to do everything. His father wasn't around for him at all, so i think that made him have less self confidence in himself, and become more dependant on his mum.

Then, I know a 26 year old who is a manager and is very mature.

He had a loving father and mother, which gave him more confidence in life

Where did I say that no-one under 30 should be employed with responsibility? Weird post!

I also didn’t says that a 21 year old can’t be trusted to have sex with who they want. I said that they are more vulnerable to exploitation by older makes. I’ve seen it happen countless times.

Again, I’m not saying that they can’t make rational choices, I’m saying that they are more vulnerable to being exploited. The only reason that men in their 30s want to date much younger women is because it gives them more power and control.

No more insulting than comparing the maturity of a 35 year old to that of a 21 year old.

The point is that there is no clear start to ‘adulthood’. 18 is just an arbitrary figure.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-47622059

I don’t care what you think either!

Let me guess, you’re dating someone with a massive age gap 😂

According to who? You?