To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

[colachive]

DP friend is in the process of getting divorced. He is actively on the apps, as he hasn’t had sex with his ex wife for 5 years, is pretty desperate. My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

AIBU to find this gross? 21 year old girls will think a 35 year old man is ancient, no? He seems to think that that’s an acceptable age gap. For context I’m 37.

When I was at uni I lived in a block where there was about 20 young women. The vast majority were virgins when they started uni (and I was shocked to find that a fair few had never even been to a club). When we graduated at 21, I would say that more than half still hadn’t slept with anyone or had a serious relationship. SOME young women may be sexual instigators and worldly in their knowledge of men, but I don’t think it’s the majority by any stretch of the imagination. At least it wasn’t when I was at uni in the 2000s

Some are vulnerable, some aren't- just like some 30 yo women and men.

At 21, you are able to make a decision about who you want a relationship with.

Where on earth did you go to University? I went to University in 2007 and was easily the least "worldly" student in my block by a country mile. I can say with 99% certainty (those walls were thin!) that by the end of Freshers year there wasn't a virgin, male or female, in the block.

The point is that there is no clear start to ‘adulthood’. 18 is just an arbitrary figure.

I'd say physical maturity plus a few years is already a generous interpretation.
Im not saying a 20 year old brain is the same as a 50 year old brain, as these change through our whole lives. But both are the brains of adults.

Look at the videos of Andrew Tate etc talking about young women and see why its problematic

I didn't say it wasn't problematic. I said that at 21 women have agency to make choices. I had my heart broken by a much older man at 24 and the fact he was older and financially stable definitely played a part in how easily he swept me off my feet. I dusted myself down and carried on, ended up meeting my husband a few years later.

The lines where it's unacceptable are when one party really isn't aware of what they are getting into.

I don't see a problem? I don't get how it concerns you.

The law should be half your age plus seven. And in reverse, your age minus seven and then doubled.

Thats ridiculous. I met my DH at 25 and he was 38 so really i should have been 26. But if he was 39 then I would have had to be 26.5. How does that make any sense at all!!

There should be no law for this, or certainly not if someone is over 18. I do agree under 18 though.

The law is an ass, but thankfully, not usually THAT much of an ass.

You would have had to wait until he was 40 and you were 27.

I don't think Oona was being serious.

The half your age + 7 years is a metric that's been around for ages. From AI:

The dating rule "half your age plus seven" is often attributed to French author Max O'Rell (Léon Paul Blouet) in his 1901 book, Her Royal Highness Woman. In the book, he stated that a man should marry a woman half his age plus seven, which was meant to be an ideal age for a bride.

I am assuming you are joking!

Yeah I have just seen their 2nd response. On MN people quote the half plus 7 as a minimum age however in fact its an optimum (as well as being a load of nonsense)

I'm 47, that would put me at 30.5. My DP is 29, but he's a doctor and as much of an adult as we ever get to be, so it'd be a shame to kick him out on this basis😅

Sorry way too young for you 😂