To think that a 35 year old man setting his dating range to age 21+ is revolting?

[colachive]

DP friend is in the process of getting divorced. He is actively on the apps, as he hasn’t had sex with his ex wife for 5 years, is pretty desperate. My partner advised him to set his age range from 21 “if all you want is a shag”, and down to 26+ for a relationship.

AIBU to find this gross? 21 year old girls will think a 35 year old man is ancient, no? He seems to think that that’s an acceptable age gap. For context I’m 37.

Society doesnt like age gaps in general. Society doesnt like us dating someone a different age, and society also doesnt like us being friends with people of different ages.

All the meetup groups in my town are grouped by age. Theres a 20s and 30s meetup group. Theres a 40s meetup group and theres a 50s meetup group.

Teenagers weren't viewed as adults 30 year ago

Do you remember all the grief leo dicaprio got for dating 24 year olds whej he wqs in his forties.

I think people were jealous.

40 year old women were jealous that leo wasnt dating them.
And 40 year old men were jealous that they werent dating 24 year olds

He’s only set it at that because it’s more socially acceptable than saying he wants to shag a teenager. Most men would shag a 14 year old if they thought they could get away with it. Always reduce whatever they ‘say’ their limit is by at least 8 years. That’s their real preferred ‘limit’.

Woman in twenties and man in thirties isn’t too bad. She doesn’t have to match with him if she doesn’t want to. He’s probably being very hopeful anyway, most women in their early twenties probably won’t want a man in mid thirties

For all those saying that older men who have their s**t together could be more attractive to some women than young blokes - totally agree with you. As it happens, this man is not the mature established older man - he's not wealthy at all, doesn't own property and doesn't drive. No kids. He's not a hugely mature person emotionally, which was at the root of his breakup. He didn't pull his weight, bit of a manchild (can you tell I'm very sympathetic to his ex??). No shade to him but I don't see him as having much more to offer than a younger person. But then again, maybe someone younger would be more on his wavelength than a woman in her 30s.

IMO in this case it's a bit of a readjustment that after coming out of a long relationship, you've moved age brackets and the dating landscape is a little different. Revolting was too strong for sure. I'm annoyed at my own partner more than him!

Not revolting at all. A 21 year old is an adult who can make their own decisions about who they go out with. If they want to go out with someone older that’s up to them. I met my husband when I was 23 and he was 33.

My 25 year old sister has her tinder set to 31-40, so it’s all the same really isn’t it

@Arina22 I don't think older women get judged for dating younger men in the same way as when the roles are reversed. I think they are seen as vulnerable and being taken advantage of by the younger men. Any female below 25 or over 40 straying outside their own age bracket are seen as being taken advantage of when the truth is most of them are fully aware of and happy with the situation

When i was 20, i had a 30 year old boyfriend.

Now im 40 and im dating 20 year olds.

Its nice that we have a range of ages to date

No.They wouldn't don't be ridiculous
my 18 year old son wouldn't date a 14 year and the vast majority of grown men would know, that not only is it very illegal it's al so highly innapropriate.
there is a huge difference between 14 and 21.

I think youre being naive.

I think a lot of men would have sex with a 14/15 year old if they could.

Its only the law in the UK and the fear of jail that stops them.

The consensual age for sex is 14 in some european countries

Does he have kids.
Many 21 year olds like an older man
Very few though would want the baggage of children.

Your partner gave him the advice?
And your issue is with the friend taking it?

No.im.not I think a lot of posters like to Demonize men
Most men really wouldn't be interested in shagging a 14 year old
Certainly there have always been predatory men around but most men would think this was a very bad idea and be disgusted at thought.

Im realistic. Ive worked in a lot of youth work settings and ive seen a lot of men i worked with look at the teenage girls on a sexual way.

I also remember being 14 myself, loads of older men spoke to me in a sexual way.

I also remember hearing male teachers say something. I was out in a group. There were three men that were teachers there. I didnt know them well. They were friends of a friend.

One of the teachers said about another teacher "john waits for his students to turn 18, then he shags them". The other teacher said "its true"

I think a lot of men are like that

Who made up that rule though? It’s just nonsense.

It’s not ridiculous at all. It’s realistic. You are being wildly naive.

Yes but times have changed and so.have attitudes
I'm 51 and remember Bill Wymann,marrying Mandy Smith when success 16 and he was in his 40,s having met her at 13 that wouldn't happen now

No.I'm not you are being wildly OTT,trying to suggest because a man want to.date a young adult female that really they want to.date an underage girl.

my parents have a 13 year age gap. What is revolting now was the norm 50 years ago. Having said that it’s no picnic now for my dm as she’s now his carer.

And my parents had a four week age,and my dad was my mum's carer for years before she died in January ,he was exactly four weeks older than her.

Look at all the female teachers who are getting into trouble in the usa for having sex with thir 16 year old students.

Teenagers at that age are fully eveloped and i think its naive to say that biology doesnt form an attraction an adult and a teenager

. However those teachers are in a position of authority and they should definitely wait until the teen is out of their care and has grown up. I would never ever go near a teemager

The french president was a teenager in school when he met his teacher who is now his wife

Some are ,my son had a full.beard and hairy chest at 16 he definitely looked like a man and a good few years older than his actual,age but ,as lovely as he was he was still very much a teenager he became unwell during yesrv11_and had to.spend a few weeks in hospital,and staff were always commenting that he looked a lot older
but at the same time he was having me bring chicken nuggets ect,for him.for his tea,and was watching cartoons,in his phone

Yeah i would never go near a teenager even if it wasnt against the law. They are young and i have morals and i would never want to inflict emotional damage on someone.

Its a pity more men dont think like that. A lot of them never think about possible harm to others. They just think of themselves.