Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

Why is it easier for her to remind you than it is for you to just set a reminder for yourself?

Why should your bank issues create extra work for her, though? I think it's a bit rude to expect her to remind you. It's not her problem or responsibility.

Why is that unnecessarily difficult? Surely it's easier for you to remind yourself via a calendar reminder anyway? If I was her, I'd think it cheeky of you to ask me! She's your therapist, not your PA.

It's weirdly infantilising of yourself to ask her to remind you - an adult - to pay your bill. Why would you ask that?

I don’t think what she said was wrong. Only you know when your bank issue is resolved and you can make payments again. Just make a note yourself to check and then pay her.

You're the adult, set a reminder yourself.

No. I meant in the sense can you sent the reminder for payment again. It’s not infantialising when the cha cows of me remembering are slim to none! I run a business and have 0 issues saying to a client “payment reminder of x amount please send by ….” It’s no problem. It’s my business so.

This sounds a bit like when my DH says to me e.g. Remind me to go to the bank tomorrow... my answer to him is always - remind me to remind you, in other words remember yourself!

You’re an adult, it’s your responsibility to pay her on time. Why should she have to chase or remind clients? Get a grip.

So you expect her to remember to remind you, but you shouldn’t be expected to remember yourself?

Sorry, I agree with her. I once had an adult client ask me to "text them before the appointment so they don't forget" which I found really irritating.

I know it seems minor but if she had to send multiple reminders to everyone it would be very time consuming. It's an extra job for her. Think her tone was friendly as well so I'd just let it go.

Your reaction to this is so odd that I’d say it’s worth discussing in therapy.

Honestly, that "tone" looks friendly to me, with smilies and a heart! It looks like she's holding a boundary (asking you to be responsible for your part of the "deal"), and trying to soften the "firmness" of that with the emojis. Must therapists I know rarely use emojis.

Anyway long story short, it's definitely up to you to remember to sort this out!

Have to say I don't see anything wrong with the message at all.
And comes across as friendly but she's just letting you know that you need to remind yourself that's all

Put a reminder in your phone now and stop expecting other people to remind you of stuff you should be well aware of.

To be honest, all other appointments I have or make come with automated reminders. So her system is outdated. Any appointments I make come with a reminder that’s automated if I forget to make a deposit. It’s hardly like I asked her to pay for the session. Just an “I’ll forget can you just ask again later”

There is nothing wrong with her tone-she’s setting a boundary. Unless you are going to pay her for PA services as well as therapy, YABU.

But why can’t you set a reminder? Why are you putting the responsibility on to her? Why should she have to remember to remind you, when you can’t remember yourself? You’re the one who owes the money.

Why are the chances of you remembering "slim to none" ?

Use whatever diary / calendar system you use to put yourself a reminder for tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever is most appropriate.

How do you "run a business tutoring clients" if you can't operate a diary ???

Expect more of your own clients and respect that her expectations of you are perfectly normal, health and fine.

Her tone was fine. She probably thought you were cheeky asking HER to remind YOU to pay your debts (I would have) but the way she worded it was perfectly polite and professional.

Not sure what cha cows is a typo for... but can you really not see how illogical you're being here?

I wholeheartedly agree with this. It's completely ok for her to ask you to set your own reminder. It doesn't matter what other people do, she can run her business as she pleases. It looks like she went out of her way to soften the tone so as not to offend. She could have just said 'I am unable to send reminders'.

I am constantly sending myself "scheduled send" emails (to arrive the day & time I would need to be reminded). It's scary how often they surprise me because that thing went completely off my radar. Maybe something to try?

Your banking problems shouldn't make extra work for her.

She clearly trusts you as a client to make the payment without her having to chase you for it, why is that a bad thing? Her tone is light and friendly, yabu