Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

Yeah, you should bring this up in therapy. There's so much to explore here!

Not often you get 100% agreement in the vote.

I think that should tell you, Y really ABU.

See I'm a always think the best person, so I'd think oh she has a difficult experience with a client and money once so she's now got a policy of reminding people to make payment.

Then maybe make a point of explaining that it was a wierd thing that happened to the bank and hope it wasn't inconvenient when I saw them.

She might then say oh I know you always pay but I've had some clients who haven't or something.

Or she might just not say anything and then I'd overthink whether I'd done anything.

Then probably forget about it 😄

She’s right. Remind yourself. Not difficult!

I would guess "chances". But the cha cows of my being wrong are pretty high.

So you can remember to prompt your clients to pay you but the chances of you remembering to pay your debts without prompting are are 'slim to none'?

Do you see how that could sound sketchy?

Just an “I’ll forget can you just ask again later”

She's not your mum. Put things in place so you don't forget. I find it hard to believe that everything else in your life sends you an automated reminder. You're trying to make this her problem and it's not, it's yours.

😆😆
Of course! Chances makes sense.
But I like the idea of Cha Cows, I picture them dancing the cha-cha

It's not up to her to remind you OP. I personally hate reminding people to pay me. It's tedious.

Any appointments I make come with a reminder that’s automated if I forget to make a deposit.

Just how often do you forget to make deposits?

Why's her system outdated?

Set a reminder on your phone t.

It's not her job to remind you.
Her tone is absolutely fine.

You have one therapist, she has multiple customers. It's absolutely your responsibility, not hers.

Just set a reminder on your phone every day for the next 3/4 days until paid. You can do an alarm or loads of other ways.

Chances?

What do you mean, "No."?! It's exactly the same thing! Why should she set herself a reminder to send your reminder again rather than you remembering yourself?

It's bloody cheeky to expect someone to act as your unpaid PA.

This is one of the most bonkers thing I've read on here! 🤣

Isn’t it? I genuinely can’t see why the OP thinks she shouldn’t be expected to remember to pay her bill, but the therapist should remember to remind her 🤯

Are you misreading tone? Yes.
Her message is friendly.

Are you being unreasonable to expect her to remind you? Yes.
This is your responsibility, not hers.

If you're able to send reminders to your clients about payment then you're capable of sending a reminder to yourself to pay the therapist. It seems strange that you say you're capable of running your own business efficiently but need help from others to remember to pay bills in other areas of your life.

She’s not your PA is she? Remind yourself FGS

Honestly I don’t think it’s anything personal. She probably deals with a lot of emotional and upset people in her line of work. It might otherwise be a bit chaotic if she wasn’t just clear on the admin side

Are you in therapy in an attempt to manage a personality disorder? Because your reaction to this is so unreasonable and obtuse that it’s genuinely weird.

Great example of a boundary.

But you're an adult. It is absolutely not OK to say (or even think) "I'll forget to pay you so you need to solve that for me by reminding me".

If you want someone's services, remember to pay them. If that's a struggle for you, then YOU need to sort out a system for yourself to make sure you do it. Passing the responsibility for that to someone else is not OK.

Maybe remembering things is difficult for her too, but even if it's not, why should she have to remember your responsibilities and remind you to do them? You pay her for a professional service, not to carry your mental load.

Well done her for setting an appropriate boundary.

To be fair automatic text reminders before appointments are pretty standard and work well for both the “client” and the business as they significantly reduce missed appointments. I wouldn’t expect someone to send me a text reminder manually though!

I just set myself a reminder to remind you in a couple of days that you need to pay your therapist's deposit. It took me 20seconds and that included typing "Remind ThePerkyCoralPoet on MN". I'm fairly sure you can do that too.