Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

By the way, obviously I didn't really. But you get my point.

I’m a baker in my spare time. I’d be pissed if I sent somebody a message to ask for my deposit and they asked me to remind them again in a few days. Remind yourself. Your bank problem is not your issue.

Her message was fine. You asking her to remind you was not fine.

Her tone is fine. I say this kindly - your perception of the non situation isn't fine.

She may be uncomfortable talking about money and be embarrassed to message and ask you. She may think F**k that I have enough to do without your life admin too. She may think you're a cheeky cow to put it all on her. She may think funny how she never forgets to turn up to appointments. She may have thought none of that.

I hope seeing a full house on here will help you to look at this from a different angle and come to a different outcome, one that sits a little easier with you.

All the best OP

I think she prevented you disempowering yourself when you are capable of doing something. It's an essential part of therapy to learn how strong and capable we truly are. Thats her job. She sounds a great therapist.

Perhaps an important outcome for you from successful therapy is taking responsibility for your own affairs without prompting

I'm not picking up any difficult tone there. She knows she's not going to remember to remind you. That's fair enough.

Just set yourself an alert in your phone to remind you in a couple of days. The only person being unnecessarily difficult is you. If you just do it now instead of moaning about her system it will be in your phone and you won't need to be reminded.

It really grinds my gears when someone asks me to remind them to do something. Err no….. remind yourself.

You’re being a baby.

When you're able to pay her again, you should make a point of discussing this with your therapist.

You’re reading something into nothing - it will have taken you significantly more time writing about this on mumsnet than it would have done to set a reminder or even to speak to the bank and get the issue resolved and payment made

239 people so far think you are being unreasonable. The tone read fine to me and it’s your responsibility to pay. Not sure what the therapy is for but pushing the responsibility back on you can only be a good thing.

If you forget - that’s on you. It’s a YOU problem. Why on earth would you ask her to take responsibility, she’s not your mother!

Remind yourself! Adults asking others to remind them to do something (in a personal or professional setting) is very annoying. We are all swimming around in a river of life admin and things to do, we don’t need anybody else’s.

What everyone else says. It's likely not to be the only payment you'll need to resend, and it's your responsibility to keep track and sort it out. No doubt people will remind you once payments are late, but you could make a list to pre-empt this.

This is so odd - we all think you are being unreasonable but you are holding your line buckle & thong

This actually makes you sound quite rude.
Your service is so unimportant to me that I will forget. However I am an important client so you need to remember.

The onus is on the customer to pay.

I’d feel awkward reminding someone to pay again, especially if I didn’t know if their bank issues were resolved.
What if they weren’t?
Would you then have to get back to her and ask her to remind you yet again…

You’ll know when the issues are fixed. Much better you decide when to pay.

It's even more infuriating to me that you seem to not grasp that:

1. You should be accountable for making a payment for her service as easy as possible, not burdening her with it.

1. You are literally doubling her work. You want her to remind you and then check money has gone in rather than taking one action; checking money is in.

1. You can remember to prompt your clients but not yourself.

Is it possible that this lack of accountability and then defensiveness is something she is seeing in you during your sessions?

YABU, her tone was fine and you can easily set a reminder for yourself.

This is trying to create a problem where there is none.

Jeez this is therapy fodder if I’ve ever seen it. Talk about it next time. Will probably be very revealing when you get work out the meaning behind your response to this!

Your therapist's tone is absolutely fine. If anything, it's more than friendly with the addition of emojis to soften it even more. Just pop a calender reminder in your phone, as others have said, and you'll be fine. It's not their problem to chase you, and really is quite frustrating for a service provider to do so when it shouldn't be necessary. Hope you get sorted - it sounds like you want to continue your therapeutic relationship and it'd be a shame for this to come between it.

Your therapist will have had many, many clients who don’t pay on time. This is an alternative to the more brutal, “can’t pay, can’t reserve my time” approach. I really don’t blame them. Self employed people need to be pretty robust or end up being shafted.

The tone is deliberately softened and understanding of your situation and her boundary is utterly reasonable. You are fully capable of setting a reminder for yourself and you don't pay her for her PA services outside of sessions.

Set a reminder, pay the deposit, and in your session you should absolutely talk through your reaction to this. Did you feel rejected and hurt that she wouldn't do extra work to make sure your session happened (wanting her to chase you a bit)? Is this part of a pattern of avoiding responsibility or looking for others to take control when stressful things happen in life (like the bank issue)? Does being told no, however kindly, feel upsetting? There are a bunch of reasons why therapists maintaining healthy boundaries and clear, assertive communication is vital, and one of them is that it creates an opportunity for clients to experience someone doing that with us and process the feelings and impulses that come up.

In all this time you could have just set a reminder on your phone.

You sound very entitled! Set your own reminder