Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

Why cant you set a reminder using whatever method you usually use (calendar/alexa...). Asking to pay late when you have a good reason is one thing but asking someone else to remind you to pay late is completely different and shows a lack of ownership.

I have a really poor memory so i use google home and my outlook calendar for everything and i make to do lists, how do you remember other important things in your life?!

I agree. You need HER to remind YOU to make a payment? Use a reminder app on your phone.

You asked if you were being unreasonable. Multiple people having correctly told you that yok are being very unreasonable. And yet you won’t back down.

I also hope your therapist isn’t on mumsnet else your next appointment could be quite awkward.

Sometimes you read threads on this site, be it about MILs, neighbours, people in shops etc and you think 'can people really be this selfish/entitled/self centred/hard of thinking' (delete as appropriate).

Well everyone, here's one of those people in the flesh, starting their own thread. completely oblivious that they're the one in the wrong, despite an almost unanimous response saying so, and determined to argue it out to the end!

OP, your therapist shouldn't have to set herself a reminder to remind you to pay. Just set a notification in your phone/put a sticky note in your diary/write it on your forehead to pay once YOU know that YOUR bank account is unfrozen. Simple!

You asked AIBU. Yes you are. Now you’re being an infant because you’ve been told this. You wanted to blame her for her tone, when really you just need to set yourself a reminder. If I know I am likely to forget something I write it down there and then. Stop blaming others and take some responsibility.

Wow - you’ve got this one really wrong. If you were asking for a sense check you have one .
almost everyone has said YABU apart from the odd person who pressed the wrong button.
It’s definitely a friendly message with a clear boundary. Do you know how to set calendar alerts on your phone ? I set them for everything including posting a letter.

Seriously this needs a therapy session.

I don’t think it reads that way, but it’s really easy to read different tones into written messages. Also she can be (has been) understanding/accepting of what’s happened, but still not want to chase you for payment - when you’re self employed, it’s quite time consuming and also awkward having to remind people to pay you.

Gently OP I think YABU

Her tone reads pleasant with kisses and emojis.

I think you’re doing that thing that I am definitely guilty of, of expecting others to approach things in the same way you do and then taking it almost as a personal affront when they do.

Youve mentioned many times that you send reminders regularly in your business which is completely fine if that’s how it works for you. Clearly for therapist this is not how she does things. Her business model may be different to yours, she might have a million and one other things she’s juggling, she may also think the chances of her remembering are “slim to none” or she just might not be bothered with the faff of it all when she could just ask you to do it. In the time it’s taken you to read all these messages you could have set yourself multiple reminders on your phone, plus if you’ve been scammed recently I’m sure you will be checking to make sure it’s been resolved regularly.

I honestly don’t think it’s personal. You many not agree with it but as you say you appreciate the therapy you get then it sounds like you need to just suck it up

I get what you're saying about sending reminders when people haven't paid but what you are doing is different. Sometimes people forget to pay, they don't plan this but life happens. Of course in that scenario people will chase up payment.

In your scenario you are essentially saying to her 'I know I am going to forget to pay you but I am not going to do anything to prevent that, I am going to give you the task of chasing me up'. If you KNOW you are likely to forget then it's on you to plan for it.

Another typical YABU thread.

-hmm AIBU?
-well, since you're asking, yes you are.
-NO I'M NOT

👍🏼

Why did you post OP?

Why are you so convinced you’ll forget to pay her in two days, but claim to run a business and remember to ask your own clients to pay?

As we’re all telling you, it’s really juvenile the way you asked her to remind you again. Which she’s very gently told you in the subtext of her reply.

But it’s your problem and you’ll know as soon as it’s fixed, so you pay it immediately?

She will not know and may invoice to early again, this you’ll expect her to remind you again, or you’ll have the money and she won’t have reminded again and she’ll be out of pocket.

Her tone is in fact so pleasant and accommodating that I suspect she is aware that you are super sensitive to criticism and suggestions that you stand on your own two feet.

asking her to remind you of something when you could clearly take responsibility yourself is so hilariously entitled, I’m genuinely stunned that you can’t see that your therapist was absolutely right to challenge your behaviour

Wtf! And you run a business?

No of course she shouldn't have to remind you!
Set it on your phone yourself it would have taken less time than to write your post.
My word theres some bloody hard work people on this forum today.

This

Your reaction is definitely something to explore in therapy. You may not even realise yet its connection to whatever you have been discussing to date.

Hope you get it cleared up soon. Good luck

It is infantilising though. It's one thing to just forget to send a payment, it's another entirely to know in advance you're going to forget and not set your own reminder. It's very "oh little old me will never remember that."

You keep saying you run a business.. clearly you cope just fine in your professional life, run a diary, organise clients and whatnot. Apply some of that to instances like this in your personal life. Businesses wouldn't have to chase payments so much if everyone sorted their shit out and set reminders themselves.

It’s not you’re being dramatic!

Put a reminder on your phone, or keep reviewing this thread to remind you.

I’m not sure you’ll “forget” something that’s caused you so much angst? 🤷‍♀️

With 98% saying you’re unreasonable I think you need to accept that you think is unfair is seen as correct by the rest of us. Some payments have reminders and some don’t, I know it’s on me to remember and I don’t find it easy to remember things!

Reading OP's posts again, it seems she had the biggest issue with the word "infantilising" - perhaps something to address in therapy.

What, her suggesting you remind yourself is over -dramatic? You could have set 18,000 reminders in this time.

Her tone is warm, there's nothing wrong with it...you just don't like the content.

No. You're the problem here. Just set your own reminder.

I’m a therapist and I understand how you feel, you’re a long term client and yould hope there would be trust there in your relationship x

It may not necessarily be true that her system is outdated. She may have a system that sends automated reminders if payment hasn't been received after 30 days and then 60 days, for example, with the text tailored to the different stages of the debt chasing process.

Your situation is different. You would probably be very upset if you received an automated email threatening you with legal action for non-payment, as that wouldn't be applicable in your case.