Am I misreading tone?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Therapist of a year that I visit regularly asks for deposits pre appt. Very normal. I rarely mess with anyone’s money so I send it.

My bank is frozen out due to 3 fraudulent transactions so I can’t pay anyone. I booked my slot she said “please pay deposit via the link” i said “sorry Sandra my bank is frozen at the moment. Please could you remind me again in a couple of days and I will transfer you the money straight away.” Her response was “Hope nothing serious x

Would you mind setting a reminder for yourself please and message me once done so that I can confirm receipt 😊💜
Thank you”

I just read that as unnecessarily difficult. I run a business tutoring and I’ll remind clients. It’s no issue. I just think it was really standoffish for no reason. It upsets me because I’m a regular client and appreciate the therapy get.

It would have been quicker for you to set up a reminder for yourself than to ask her.

I'd be so embarrassed if I asked someone to remind me to pay them!

Why are you so hellbent in not just setting a reminder for yourself?

The only people who say “remind me later” are either bad payers or lazy. Set up your own alarms.

It's on you to remember. I would assume if you forgot she would chase you anyway. She wants you to remember also.

If you want to use her service, then you need to remember to pay. You know the terms as have used her before.

She's probably in a place where she has enough clients that she doesn't feel the need to chase. If you really want her service, you will remember.

Set it on your calendar. And if the bank app allows you, set a payment for a different day.

It's not hard.

No, you're having the over dramatic response by acting like she's unreasonable expecting you to manage your own life.

You asked her to remind you, she said no, do it yourself (although much more professionally than that) and you're now offended, posting on MN about it and telling everyone who agrees with her (notice how no one agrees with you) that she should have just accommodated your request to not take responsibility for your own life.

Ha this sounds like a tjw things I say. When someone asks me to remind them of something I tell them to make sure they set a reminder on their phone for themselves. I'm not their PA!

It’s definitely an over dramatic response but not by her…

At what point are you going to accept that YABU? Why bother asking if you are going to get so defensive when people respond? It’s so entitled of you to expect your therapist to remind you to pay her!

I hardly think you are in a position to accuse others of being overly dramatic.
You are being weird about this, it’s your problem to sort, not hers.

Why should she send you a reminder payment is due. You know payment is due. And up to you to pay when your bank issues are sorted. She won't know when that's done. Honestly, you do sound a bit like hard work.

I think we can all see why you're in therapy OP. Seriously, discuss your response to this with your therapist.

Op aibu

Everyone Yes

Op But but. No I am not. Waah!

It's as old as the hills

I think the over dramatic responses are in this thread - and they're all yours!!

The fact you can't even read the room here and realise you're being unreasonable days a lot.

YABU

The onus is on you to pay. As you are unable to at the moment you need to pay as soon as possible once you have access to your account, without being reminded again. It’s not her duty to remind you multiple times.

Put it on your calendar, it’s not that difficult.

The tone of the message is fine.

Her tone is fine and friendly. How about using that mobile phone that you are using to "Mumsnet" on and popping a little reminder in the calendar 🙄 she's not your admin assistant.

You were rude without realising unfortunately. Paying late is problematic, but asking for a reminder is incredibly rude. You're demanding even more of her time to make up for your faults in not having the money ready. Also your bank should "unfreeze" in under 24 hours, and you should consider other options like paying by credit card in the interim. Your therapist was polite to you in return, and you're getting snippy about her "tone", altogether it has a vibe that you feel she is your subordinate. That isn't healthy with a therapist, you need to have some base level of respect for her to work effectively. It could be useful for you to explore more about boundaries and respect.

SAYS a lot!!
(Missed the edit window.... because @ThePerkyCoralPoet didn't remind me about it 🤪)

Exactly this.
She's showing she trusts you're good for the payment without nagging you for it.
...and quite contrary to your impression, her tone is very pleasant, personal, and kind.

Think no more about it, and set yourself an alarm on your phone for when you anticipate your banking issue to be resolved (which you are in a better position to have a feel for than your therapist.)

PS: You seem to be judgementally assuming her lack of automated reminders is outdated, whereas it may be a deliberate, considered choice on her part.
As a therapist, perhaps dehumanised automation of such things is at odds with the image she would wish to convey, and could conceivably be an anxiety stressor for (or even trigger) some of her clients. - Just a thought.

with the amount of time you spent making posts on here, you could have set yourself multiple reminders.
Why is it someone else's responsibility to remind you?
It's quite simple really, you owe the money, it's up to you to pay it.

Truly incredible that you apparently run your own business but need reminding by others to pay your bills.

You’re already inconveniencing her by paying her late and then you need her to be sending you reminders as well. How do you function in the adult world? Do you need her to wipe your bottom as well? Grow up.

As a retired psychotherapist and current psychotherapy client, I think YABvU.

When I was practicing I would never have reminded my clients to pay me. That would have been stepping outside our boundaried weekly space and intruding into their everyday life. If they had ever neglected to pay me I would have interpreted that as a non verbal communication that they wanted the contract to end and would have stopped seeing them. The very idea of setting up automatic reminders to pay seems unethical to me.

i agree with the many PP that you need to address your desire for these payment reminders in your sessions.

Why are you booking stuff if you know you can’t lay at the moment?

AIBU…

OP: Am I misreading tone?
Everyone (literally everyone): yes
OP: NO I’M NOT

🙄

I think that whilst yes, you could set your own reminder, it is weird that a business doesn't have it set up to send reminders itself.

It's not a great sign to me that they're competent with their billing - plenty of businesses I use have the automated systems OP speaks about (even my dentist for goodness sake). It sounds like my kid's piano teacher who can't manage to send an SMS/Email with all the relevant information so you end up hunting for the amount/dates each time she sends a reminder (and then chasing up later when she sends another reminder, even though you know you've paid)

But you ARE infantilising yourself by refusing to accept that you want her to remind you rather than remind yourself. You don't realise it but you are.

Her system is her system, not yours and you need to accept that.

Is this a reverse?
I can't imaginine anyone is this unreasonable over being asked politely to manage their own bank payments?

They're not up to "chance" op - you need to do something to ensure it gets done, like millions of other adults with millions of other tasks daily.

It sounds like you're now thinking of deliberately not paying her due to taking offence at her (perfectly reasonable) tone.