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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband caught telling lies.

176 replies

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:02

I have been married for about 6 years and my husband told his ex girlfriend’s sister that he doesn’t love me & hides all his money from me. I found this out through a mutual friend.
His ex girlfriend is getting married and I don’t understand why he is acting jealous.
He chose me over her - but I can’t help thinking that he regrets his decision. She was younger & prettier than me - only 22 , whilst I was 32 & was ready to settle & have a baby. We now have 2 children - 4 & 1.
I feel betrayed and like my life is a lie.
Why goes he care if she’s getting married ? Why would he disrespect me ?
I’m so confused. Thanks for your help.
We are generally very happy and he is a good dad. We have been together for almost 8 years now.

OP posts:
AlertCat · 12/05/2025 21:09

How do you know any of this is true?

InBedBy10 · 12/05/2025 21:09

How do you know he's lying?
Maybe he told her the truth. He doesn't love you and he is hiding his money from you.

We are generally very happy and he is a good dad. We have been together for almost 8 years now.

Clearly he's not very happy.

OchreRaven · 12/05/2025 21:10

Is the money part true? Do you have oversight of his finances?

How did you find out he said those things? Has he admitted to it?

Did he cheat on her with you?

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:16

I know it’s true because one of my friends asked the exes sister & she confirmed it.
I think he did it to get her ( the exes ) attention? But why ?
surely he shouldn’t care about her at all ???
I am feeling betrayed and a fool.
I couldn’t care less about any of my exes .

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 12/05/2025 21:21

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:16

I know it’s true because one of my friends asked the exes sister & she confirmed it.
I think he did it to get her ( the exes ) attention? But why ?
surely he shouldn’t care about her at all ???
I am feeling betrayed and a fool.
I couldn’t care less about any of my exes .

Still hearsay though. Why do you trust exgf sister more than your DH?

BookArt55 · 12/05/2025 21:21

Talk to your husband directly.
You need to make a decision following that conversation
Is this third party actually reliable? Because you are trusting this woman more than your husband which seems to me like you don't trust him.
So you don't trust your husband then why are you with him? You believe this, so how can you trust him moving forward?
Couples counselling might be the way forward. Because either you believe a stranger over your husband or your husband has treated you awfully. Either way, this isn't a healthy, happy marriage. There are some things to work on.

lonlynessworks · 12/05/2025 21:21

He chose me over her dont do the he picked me dance op did he cheat on her with you.

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:22

he has his own business so I have no access to his accounts . I only get housekeeping money & we have a joint account.
He is a very devious man at times.
I am more concerned about his “ interest “ in her life.
He hasn’t cheated on me with her.
He broke up with me after a year of dating and went back to her. He then left her to be with me. He finished with her & realised he wanted me & a family.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:25

I will talk to him once I am composed.
I’m very upset just now.
I know deep down it is true. The sources are reliable.
I think it was bravado ?! Or am I being naive.
Whether or not it’s true - it’s completely disrespectful
& your right he has behaved awfully.
I am very disappointed - thank you for your honesty

OP posts:
lonlynessworks · 12/05/2025 21:26

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:22

he has his own business so I have no access to his accounts . I only get housekeeping money & we have a joint account.
He is a very devious man at times.
I am more concerned about his “ interest “ in her life.
He hasn’t cheated on me with her.
He broke up with me after a year of dating and went back to her. He then left her to be with me. He finished with her & realised he wanted me & a family.

Why did you marry him.
He played you and still doing it one woman to the next than got bored then back to you his second choice.
You should have gave him the boot the first time.

OlympicProcrastinator · 12/05/2025 21:26

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:22

he has his own business so I have no access to his accounts . I only get housekeeping money & we have a joint account.
He is a very devious man at times.
I am more concerned about his “ interest “ in her life.
He hasn’t cheated on me with her.
He broke up with me after a year of dating and went back to her. He then left her to be with me. He finished with her & realised he wanted me & a family.

Well this is the problem. You behaved like a doormat and so he continues to treat you like one.

Stichintime · 12/05/2025 21:28

Sounds a bit messy, like you were the prize he chose ( or he was the prize you won).

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:28

He told me he didn’t want her - he ended it with her because he loved me.
I think at the time I offered stability, she was still young & liked going out etc. He wanted a family.
Now , she is ready to settle down he would appear to be jealous ?
I can’t get my head round it ?
I

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:30

If I was the prize - why does he give two hoots what’s she is doing now ?
i feel like I was the consolation prize -
thank you

OP posts:
lonlynessworks · 12/05/2025 21:30

Stichintime · 12/05/2025 21:28

Sounds a bit messy, like you were the prize he chose ( or he was the prize you won).

Edited

Well said.
All sound like a bunch of teens.

Stichintime · 12/05/2025 21:32

From your post what I can gather is you were with him, he left you for the younger woman, he left her for you, then you got married. If this is the case, I think he's playing games still, probably with you both.

Dinosweetpea · 12/05/2025 21:32

He is 'devious' and you get 'housekeeping'??
Sounds like he was telling her the truth...

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:35

I see your point - but if it is true &
i think it is . There would be no benefit to her lying . Her sister ( the ex ) is getting married & she is very happy.
what are your thoughts on his motive ? Why would he do this ?

OP posts:
lonlynessworks · 12/05/2025 21:37

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:35

I see your point - but if it is true &
i think it is . There would be no benefit to her lying . Her sister ( the ex ) is getting married & she is very happy.
what are your thoughts on his motive ? Why would he do this ?

Only he would know maybe you could ask him.

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:37

I agree it’s very childish but from my stance - I’m the one who is devastated & hurt.
I can’t believe after all these years he would say this.
my trust has been shattered.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:41

no , he has been faithful but his lingering interest in her upsets me . I once asked him if he still liked her & he said no - that ship had sailed . Then I hear this & I am confused . It’s like he wanted her to hear what he said .

a grown , married man shouldn’t care what his ex is doing .

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:44

Can you explain how I was the doormat when he clearly chose me?
but this has caused me to doubt why he did ?
thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:45

I can’t - I’m too upset . That’s why I’m looking for opinions . I know it’s definitely not a good situation. Perhaps I’m scared of the answer ?!

OP posts:
lonlynessworks · 12/05/2025 21:54

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:45

I can’t - I’m too upset . That’s why I’m looking for opinions . I know it’s definitely not a good situation. Perhaps I’m scared of the answer ?!

You need to quote who you are asking op.
scared of the answer or not you wont know unless you ask.

Sassybooklover · 12/05/2025 21:56

Presumably if what he told his ex partner's sister is true, then he told her, in the hope she'd tell his ex. Perhaps he was testing the waters to see if his ex is truly happy with the man she's planning on marrying? Or if she's been pining away for him, all these years? I doubt he was expecting word of his conversation with his exes sister to get back to you! The fact he left you earlier on in your relationship for his ex, and then came back to you, suggests that it was his ex who perhaps broke up with him?! He told you he came back to you because he loved you and wanted to start a family. Unfortunately, you only have his word in either case, and you don't seem to think much of his word. By all means speak to him, but don't be at all surprised if he denies any knowledge of the conversation with the exes sister, and tells you she's lying. He will also reassure you that he loves you and it's you he wants. He's not likely to turn around and confirm anything, unless he is looking for a way out of the marriage and relationship. Only you know your husband, we don't, so you're the only person who can honestly say if you think he's lying. If you think he is, then you have to make a decision about your future.