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Original poster

Husband caught telling lies.

176 replies

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:02

I have been married for about 6 years and my husband told his ex girlfriend’s sister that he doesn’t love me & hides all his money from me. I found this out through a mutual friend.
His ex girlfriend is getting married and I don’t understand why he is acting jealous.
He chose me over her - but I can’t help thinking that he regrets his decision. She was younger & prettier than me - only 22 , whilst I was 32 & was ready to settle & have a baby. We now have 2 children - 4 & 1.
I feel betrayed and like my life is a lie.
Why goes he care if she’s getting married ? Why would he disrespect me ?
I’m so confused. Thanks for your help.
We are generally very happy and he is a good dad. We have been together for almost 8 years now.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:08

lonlynessworks · 12/05/2025 21:54

You need to quote who you are asking op.
scared of the answer or not you wont know unless you ask.

Show quote history

Thank you - I’m new here & didn’t know that

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:09

AlertCat · 12/05/2025 21:09

How do you know any of this is true?

It is true - unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:13

Sassybooklover · 12/05/2025 21:56

Presumably if what he told his ex partner's sister is true, then he told her, in the hope she'd tell his ex. Perhaps he was testing the waters to see if his ex is truly happy with the man she's planning on marrying? Or if she's been pining away for him, all these years? I doubt he was expecting word of his conversation with his exes sister to get back to you! The fact he left you earlier on in your relationship for his ex, and then came back to you, suggests that it was his ex who perhaps broke up with him?! He told you he came back to you because he loved you and wanted to start a family. Unfortunately, you only have his word in either case, and you don't seem to think much of his word. By all means speak to him, but don't be at all surprised if he denies any knowledge of the conversation with the exes sister, and tells you she's lying. He will also reassure you that he loves you and it's you he wants. He's not likely to turn around and confirm anything, unless he is looking for a way out of the marriage and relationship. Only you know your husband, we don't, so you're the only person who can honestly say if you think he's lying. If you think he is, then you have to make a decision about your future.

I agree with all you say .
As far as I know he left her.

I just don’t understand why he felt the need to try and get her attention. He was obviously “ jealous “ she was getting married . Maybe his ego ? But after years apart & married to me . My mind is just fried.

OP posts:
Orangemintcream · 12/05/2025 22:15

You are being called a doormat as you accept him stashing money away from his business while you get peanuts.

Hell would freeze over before I put up with that shit. I’d rather be unmarried than tolerate a man treating me like his live in servant.

CautiousLurker01 · 12/05/2025 22:16

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:37

I agree it’s very childish but from my stance - I’m the one who is devastated & hurt.
I can’t believe after all these years he would say this.
my trust has been shattered.

I would care less that he said it and want to find out if it is true.

And, given he gives you ‘housekeeping’ I’m inclined to think it is. You need a forensic accountant.

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:17

InBedBy10 · 12/05/2025 21:09

How do you know he's lying?
Maybe he told her the truth. He doesn't love you and he is hiding his money from you.

We are generally very happy and he is a good dad. We have been together for almost 8 years now.

Clearly he's not very happy.

Unfortunately I think you are correct.
It just makes me sad.
What did he hope to gain from saying those things ? Her attention , is she really happy ? Why does he care ?????
I am sooo upset

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:19

Orangemintcream · 12/05/2025 22:15

You are being called a doormat as you accept him stashing money away from his business while you get peanuts.

Hell would freeze over before I put up with that shit. I’d rather be unmarried than tolerate a man treating me like his live in servant.

thanks for your honesty .

OP posts:
Endofyear · 12/05/2025 22:21

OP why are you asking strangers what your husband's motivation is? We don't know him - you do! Surely it would be better to have a conversation with him and ask him what he's playing at?

You say he's a very devious man at times - what does that mean? If you don't trust him and prefer to believe these rumours about something he's supposed to have said, I think the marriage is doomed anyway.

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:24

CautiousLurker01 · 12/05/2025 22:16

I would care less that he said it and want to find out if it is true.

And, given he gives you ‘housekeeping’ I’m inclined to think it is. You need a forensic accountant.

Show quote history

I know I need to investigate the financial side. To be honest after reading all these responses I realise I have been a mug.
Regardless of whether it’s true or not to have said it in order to get back to his ex is unforgivable. He has humiliated me & I really need to get my self respect in order to. He’s a manipulative liar -
I thought we were happy but clearly he has zero respect for me .

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:31

Orangemintcream · 12/05/2025 22:15

You are being called a doormat as you accept him stashing money away from his business while you get peanuts.

Hell would freeze over before I put up with that shit. I’d rather be unmarried than tolerate a man treating me like his live in servant.

At this moment I’m more concerned about the fact that he said he didn’t love me -
I get your point tho - I need to toughen up with regards to the finances.
I thought he loved me & im shattered as clearly he doesn’t to have disrespected me like this - especially hurtful knowing that she ( the ex ) will hear about this .
If I ask him he will deny everything-
I think I have my answer on the road to go - just need to find the courage.
im going to confront him tomorrow when the kids are at my mum’s.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:37

Endofyear · 12/05/2025 22:21

OP why are you asking strangers what your husband's motivation is? We don't know him - you do! Surely it would be better to have a conversation with him and ask him what he's playing at?

You say he's a very devious man at times - what does that mean? If you don't trust him and prefer to believe these rumours about something he's supposed to have said, I think the marriage is doomed anyway.

I am just trying to get my head round why he would say such a thing ? What would someone hope to gain ?
When I say he’s “ devious “ - he’s very smart and is good at getting his own way . Can be absolutely charming as long as it’s what he wants. He can also be very moody & attention seeking . I think he was attention seeking but still ……… it’s the worst betrayal - I feel like he has cheated emotionally on me - if that makes sense .
You asked me why I am asking here ? Because I don’t have anyone else to turn to for opinion . Sadly if I ask him , he will deny & lie .
I

OP posts:
LunaDeBallona · 12/05/2025 22:38

Get your ducks in a row before you confront him!
Get as much info as you can and get a forensic accountant- screen shots, pictures, downloads, any financial info you cen get your hands on,
Then when you confront him IF this goes south then you are several steps ahead of him.
Keep your mouth shut and do this for you and your kids.
‘Housekeeping ’ indeed. Is he living in 1925?.
AND you know he will lie - so don’t confronted him yet.

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 22:42

LunaDeBallona · 12/05/2025 22:38

Get your ducks in a row before you confront him!
Get as much info as you can and get a forensic accountant- screen shots, pictures, downloads, any financial info you cen get your hands on,
Then when you confront him IF this goes south then you are several steps ahead of him.
Keep your mouth shut and do this for you and your kids.
‘Housekeeping ’ indeed. Is he living in 1925?.
AND you know he will lie - so don’t confronted him yet.

Edited

Thank you.
im going to start investigating the financials.

I think it’s going to go south.

OP posts:
SALaw · 12/05/2025 22:51

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:30

If I was the prize - why does he give two hoots what’s she is doing now ?
i feel like I was the consolation prize -
thank you

You let yourself be. Why did he get to choose who he picked up and dropped upon a whim?

Flyswats · 12/05/2025 22:54

I don't think it needs to be anything serious or a threat to your marriage. I think some men are just territorial in a way. I had a 7 yr relationship and long after it ended (he left me) he'd randomly phone me up if he heard I was seeing someone and ask about them, or of he knew them tell me his opinion. It was odd and it rattled me but I think it was just him re-asserting himself as the "love of my life" each time I met someone new.

Ultimately he had no interest in me, getting back together or even meeting up with me, it was all about ego.

This sounds similar.

Babyghirl · 12/05/2025 22:56

Sorry, op, but I think she's the one that got rid of him, and you were the door mat waiting for him, he married the next best thing and unfortunately that was you, he's been pinning for her from the very start.

Flyswats · 12/05/2025 22:57

Babyghirl · 12/05/2025 22:56

Sorry, op, but I think she's the one that got rid of him, and you were the door mat waiting for him, he married the next best thing and unfortunately that was you, he's been pinning for her from the very start.

Who says such nasty thing? Jesus wept. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 23:02

Flyswats · 12/05/2025 22:54

I don't think it needs to be anything serious or a threat to your marriage. I think some men are just territorial in a way. I had a 7 yr relationship and long after it ended (he left me) he'd randomly phone me up if he heard I was seeing someone and ask about them, or of he knew them tell me his opinion. It was odd and it rattled me but I think it was just him re-asserting himself as the "love of my life" each time I met someone new.

Ultimately he had no interest in me, getting back together or even meeting up with me, it was all about ego.

This sounds similar.

Thank you - I’m hoping it was just him trying to boost his ego . He said he had no interest in her when he came back . He said he “ used “ to fancy her stupid but was over her . But this made me doubt it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 23:08

Babyghirl · 12/05/2025 22:56

Sorry, op, but I think she's the one that got rid of him, and you were the door mat waiting for him, he married the next best thing and unfortunately that was you, he's been pinning for her from the very start.

He finished with her - he said he didn’t feel anything for her at all. In fact , she was apparently devastated according to everyone. She was too young & wanted to go out all the time . He wanted to settle down & concentrate on his business. I feel like I was just the person that fitted the narrative at the time. Now , she’s getting married it’s like he’s jealous . Could it be ego - or regret that he didn’t hold on ?

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 23:11

SALaw · 12/05/2025 22:51

You let yourself be. Why did he get to choose who he picked up and dropped upon a whim?

Show quote history

To be honest , I’m now fuming that after all this time - he even has the inclination to try & get her attention . What does that say about our relationship? This is absolutely heartbreaking for me to realise that he still has a torch for her . He must have - why else bother. I think I’m done !

OP posts:
Cherry8809 · 12/05/2025 23:20

I’d have thought it was an ego play / wanting to see if he still has any pull with her.

That, or he discounted her back then because she wasn’t ready to settle down….but now she is, he’s seeing her in a different light/wondering “what if”.

Either way, it’s straight up disrespectful and embarrassing to speak about his actual wife in that way (if true).

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2025 23:21

MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 21:28

He told me he didn’t want her - he ended it with her because he loved me.
I think at the time I offered stability, she was still young & liked going out etc. He wanted a family.
Now , she is ready to settle down he would appear to be jealous ?
I can’t get my head round it ?
I

I think you have much bigger problems

Hankunamatata · 12/05/2025 23:23

So what he picked you. Your not a bloody prize playing the pick me game - your worth more than that

Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 23:27

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2025 23:21

I think you have much bigger problems

Show quote history

I agree - so you think he still has a torch for her ?
I think my marriage may be over

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryTiger · 12/05/2025 23:31

Cherry8809 · 12/05/2025 23:20

I’d have thought it was an ego play / wanting to see if he still has any pull with her.

That, or he discounted her back then because she wasn’t ready to settle down….but now she is, he’s seeing her in a different light/wondering “what if”.

Either way, it’s straight up disrespectful and embarrassing to speak about his actual wife in that way (if true).

I agree - maybe ego but why would he care if he has pull with her ? He shouldn’t after all this time . Yes , it’s beyond disrespectful & very hurtful.

OP posts: