My 84yr old Mum asked if she should be addressed as a Woman

[Horrace]

Yesterday my 84yr old Mum had to be interviewed by the police after witnessing a sudden death of a close friend. The death was traumatic in itself and happened abroad.
The first question the officer asked my mum was " would you like to be addressed as a woman?"
My mother was furious at this but also so upset and tired that she burst into tears.
I am so cross. I don't understand why they would ask her this. Would they ask a man similar.

Goodness. They should ask if she'd like to be addressed by Mrs x or by her first name though.

Could it have been some sort of language barrier? It sounds pretty ridiculous but I guess they could just be following a script to try and be 'inclusive'. I'm sorry for your poor mum and what happened to her friend. X

What? I don't understand what the fuck is going on anymore. Why did he ask her that?

I would imagine it's standard procedure and they would ask a man this. Unless she was confused and they asked would you like to be referred to as Mrs Surname maybe

I’m a midwife and have to ask patients at their initial booking appointment if they identify as female and ditto to their partner, male or female so yes, they could very well ask males if they would like to be addressed as a male.

It’s literally a question we have to answer on our computer system before I can move on with other questions. I dont know if it’s the same in the police. I hope your mum is ok.

More mindless accommodating of the minority.

There's no end to the lunacy, I was in for a bone density scan the other day, which incidentally confirmed that at 54, I do indeed have osteoporosis. This was following me breaking my wrist and hip after falling in my kitchen three months ago. I was asked if I had ever changed sex. Fraid not, I was born female , have pushed out three kids, gone through earlyish menopause (at 44), and now my bones are fucked. Maybe I should have; perhaps then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit. 🤷‍♀️

‘am so cross. I don't understand why they would ask her this. Would they ask a man similar.’

DH aged 76 has been going to the same scan unit for twelve years, so he knows them pretty well ( the reason for the scan is exclusively male BTW) . Every single time, they ask him if him if he is pregnant. Of course, he just laughs and says no, because he is not an upset , vulnerable human in a stressful situation , so he can see the funny side, and he doesn’t want to give the nurse a hard time.

This nonsense is all so a small number of people can’t be ‘upset’ by having someone assume their sex is what it obviously is ( although they will probably find another pretext) .

I too hope your mum is okay.

Massively outing, so NC to remove links to my Reddit account and MN account for obvious reasons.

I'm an ex copper and was permabanned yesterday from the UK Police Reddit (yes I know) page by the mods and also given a warning by Reddit for being transphobic for stating that trans identifying men are men.

www.reddit.com/r/policeuk/s/etySnRTILp

The Police are captured and I'm sorry your mum had to deal with this bullshit.

At least you don’t have to, for fear of a disciplinary, ask a drunk, hairy trucker of a Saturday night, called Steve if he might be pregnant before you can X-ray him, get him to sign for that AND have to countersign, AND know that women in their early 30s, your line managers, many with young daughters of their own, will be checking that you complied, on Monday morning.

AND know that your trade union, the now infamous Society of Radiographers, is all for supporting the men’s feelz over their overwhelmingly female workforce’s professional integrity and safety.

A midwife having to ask their (supposedly pregnant) patients if they identify as a woman.......
I never thought we would come this far!
@Horrace I hope your mum is ok. X

When asked these questions. I just answer with my first name ….

Your pronouns …. I just say “Name”

Really interested to know - how do your patients react? Do they take the question seriously/are confused/laugh/get cross?

Lunacy

Why, though?
Why the assumption that people who “identify” as something other than their sex is the fucking default?

Asking people how they wish to be referred to/addressed is standard, though I'd imagine it was more 'how do you wish to be addressed?' rather than specifying woman.

Assuming there are no elderly people that are trans or non-binary and therefore nobody should ask people over a certain age how they'd like to be addressed is ageism, pure and simple.

I’d be incandescent if I was pregnant and asked at a booking in appointment whether I was actually female.
What percentage of pregnant women actually claim to be male, for curiosity sake?
A teeny tiny number, I’ll bet.
Yet we all have to accept this indignity, it’s appalling.

In the NHS the service I'm familiar with asks patients what their preferred pronouns are at the first contact, and what their gender identity is. Makes it easier to monitor accessibility, whether the service is reaching people and whom it works for/doesn't work for, prevents causing offence by misgendering, and shows patients that the clinician assessing them cares about their identity and getting it right/being respectful.

I did notice our midwives (we had a few different ones) asked us our pronouns and gender identity, including when receiving breastfeeding support (whether I was comfortable with the term breastfeeding or preferred another term). I think it's brilliant and shows that services are at least making an effort to treat patients as individuals and be respectful from the get go.

Why not only ask the question of those (that us women can spot a mile away) obvious males in dresses. Put female down for obvious females. Same for transmen and men. Oh I forgot, Johnnie can rock up any old way he likes dress or not and could be female in his eyes. Same for TM I suppose with trousers.

The question should ask for biological sex and gender. Maybe it does. No need to ask what you identify as since gender is that.

I am so bamboozled by all this stuff that I am checking my bits as we speak just to make sure that I actually am a woman.

It’s just a modern politeness. Making any kind of assumption about a person and how they wish to be addressed or labelled (not just gender but also marital status - Miss/Mrs - and racial terms) is impolite. So it’s best to check.

It’s polite to discount the evidence of your own eyes and ask if someone is male or female?
Really?!

And what on earth do you mean by “racial terms”??

I remember going to a private GP appointment and was so pleased when the GP filled my form in to request a blood test and automatically ticked ‘female’ without asking me

it’s not politeness it’s virtue signalling abject nonsense which causes distress (see the OP)

It’s not intended to be upsetting though, quite the opposite, it is just factual and to avoid any confusion.

People love to get riled up about things like this but the fact is in this day and age people aren’t always what they seem and it’s just polite to check.
You shouldn’t judge or assume anything from someone’s immediate appearance. You should never assume you know someone’s race, age, gender especially in a professional setting and it is always polite to check someone is happy being referred to in any way before doing so.
Same as checking Miss or Mrs. She might have said actually please refer to me as Dr. Smith or actually I don’t like the term woman I find it rude I prefer lady or gentleman, or she might have been a very feminine looking man!