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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My 84yr old Mum asked if she should be addressed as a Woman

323 replies

Horrace · 12/05/2025 13:19

Yesterday my 84yr old Mum had to be interviewed by the police after witnessing a sudden death of a close friend. The death was traumatic in itself and happened abroad.
The first question the officer asked my mum was " would you like to be addressed as a woman?"
My mother was furious at this but also so upset and tired that she burst into tears.
I am so cross. I don't understand why they would ask her this. Would they ask a man similar.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 14/05/2025 21:47

spanishcheese · 14/05/2025 21:35

What is another term for breastfeeding?

Lactation.

We don't chestfeed.

Women have breasts. Men have chests. Even the chestfeeding bullshit is trying to make women default to male body parts cos some women have got a bit upset about their actual body.

But women aren't allowed to get upset at our breasts being called chests.

Fuck that.

spanishcheese · 14/05/2025 22:02

Chest feeding ? hahahaha

I thought it might be boobie suckling or something equally stooopid.

Horseebooks · 14/05/2025 22:02

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/05/2025 21:34

They do say some genuinely extraordinary things, don't they?

I don’t think this is really called for, unless all of you think you’re just playing a funny game or kicking me around like a toy? That would be weird

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/05/2025 22:20

Horseebooks · 14/05/2025 22:02

I don’t think this is really called for, unless all of you think you’re just playing a funny game or kicking me around like a toy? That would be weird

The suggestion that biological sex is just a concept that has been invented by gender critical feminists is rather bizarre though.

Apologies if I missed it but I don't think you ever explained what it is you don't get about our position. It seems incredibly simple to me.

Sex is real and objectively defined.
Gender is essentially metaphysical and subjectively defined.

The latter is not an appropriate way in which to organise society.

RedToothBrush · 14/05/2025 22:39

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/05/2025 22:20

The suggestion that biological sex is just a concept that has been invented by gender critical feminists is rather bizarre though.

Apologies if I missed it but I don't think you ever explained what it is you don't get about our position. It seems incredibly simple to me.

Sex is real and objectively defined.
Gender is essentially metaphysical and subjectively defined.

The latter is not an appropriate way in which to organise society.

It's not bizarre.

It's horseshit.

Butchyrestingface · 14/05/2025 22:50

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/05/2025 22:20

The suggestion that biological sex is just a concept that has been invented by gender critical feminists is rather bizarre though.

Apologies if I missed it but I don't think you ever explained what it is you don't get about our position. It seems incredibly simple to me.

Sex is real and objectively defined.
Gender is essentially metaphysical and subjectively defined.

The latter is not an appropriate way in which to organise society.

I'd like to know how TRAs differentiate male from female animals.

How would they determine whether a cat is male or female, for instance?

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 07:03

RedToothBrush · 14/05/2025 21:47

Lactation.

We don't chestfeed.

Women have breasts. Men have chests. Even the chestfeeding bullshit is trying to make women default to male body parts cos some women have got a bit upset about their actual body.

But women aren't allowed to get upset at our breasts being called chests.

Fuck that.

Men have breasts

maddening · 15/05/2025 07:06

The police college is totally captured and the force is completely misogynistic so the trans ideology has spread easily there.

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 07:10

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 07:03

Men have breasts

Men can get breast cancer but the physical part is called a chest.

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 07:15

spanishcheese · 14/05/2025 22:02

Chest feeding ? hahahaha

I thought it might be boobie suckling or something equally stooopid.

Boobie suckling would be at least accurate, and quite sweet.

maddening · 15/05/2025 07:20

Horseebooks · 14/05/2025 17:08

oh I wasn’t offended. I thought it was funny, because it was very like how it used to happen in ye olden days, where because I didn’t fit all the ‘woman’ criteria I got ‘TRANNY’ shouted at me in the street a few times. It felt like you were saying it to evict me from your own ‘women’ criteria, ie people who are actively interested in knowing what people’s chromosomes are in certain situations. That’s not my criteria for women so no, it’s not what I meant by ‘you lot’. I meant people with the aforementioned interest in chromosomes.

I don’t really know what you mean by ‘pro trans’, it feels like saying ‘pro gay’ to mean ‘not homophobic’ or ‘pro people who aren’t white’ to mean not racist. I mean, obviously I’m pro trans, trans people exist and should have the same rights and protections as everyone else, but it feels like you see that as a bad thing whereas to me it’s a very obvious good one, so we may struggle.

about ten years ago I did a lot of thinking about trans women and cis women so yes I very much understand the feeling of ?fear? you mean - though in the end I decided that a lot of the fears I had had practical solutions, and some were not practical fears - they were about some indefinable loss of status, or a fear of what happens to what I know as the category ‘women’ if our boundaries start to blur (lord knows we’ve been through enough, etc etc). I’ve never seen any kind of reasonable discussion about it on mumsnet though, it always looks to me like there’s a real desire to pull up the drawbridge and throw boiling oil on outsiders with different views. To be clear, that’s what it looks like to me, I’m sure it doesn’t look like that to you. So maybe everyone’s just too far apart at this point. Dunno what comes after that tho and whatever side of it you’re on, it really doesn’t seem like a win for society to me.

So you look like a man dressed up as a woman? As people calling you tranny a long time ago suggests quite fetishy dress and gaudy makeup whilst having a very male physique? Eg 6 foot with broad manly shoulders and a v masculine jaw and forehead

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 07:22

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 07:03

Men have breasts

Men have a tiny amount of breast tissue around the nipple. This can never develop into proper breast tissue with fully formed and functioning milk ducts, sufficient to feed a baby. However it is enough to become cancerous, in a small number of unfortunate cases.
It is incorrect to say that men have breasts, in the sense of secondary sexual characteristics developed primarily to nourish offspring, though the word breast can have a poetic or archaic meaning that is synonymous with chest, for example in hymns.

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 07:45

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 07:22

Men have a tiny amount of breast tissue around the nipple. This can never develop into proper breast tissue with fully formed and functioning milk ducts, sufficient to feed a baby. However it is enough to become cancerous, in a small number of unfortunate cases.
It is incorrect to say that men have breasts, in the sense of secondary sexual characteristics developed primarily to nourish offspring, though the word breast can have a poetic or archaic meaning that is synonymous with chest, for example in hymns.

It's actually medically correct to say men have breasts.

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 07:45

It doesn't matter how much breast tissue you have or whether you can lactate. Humans have breasts. That's what they're called.

Panterusblackish · 15/05/2025 07:50

macaroniandcheeze · 12/05/2025 18:14

It’s not intended to be upsetting though, quite the opposite, it is just factual and to avoid any confusion.

People love to get riled up about things like this but the fact is in this day and age people aren’t always what they seem and it’s just polite to check.
You shouldn’t judge or assume anything from someone’s immediate appearance. You should never assume you know someone’s race, age, gender especially in a professional setting and it is always polite to check someone is happy being referred to in any way before doing so.
Same as checking Miss or Mrs. She might have said actually please refer to me as Dr. Smith or actually I don’t like the term woman I find it rude I prefer lady or gentleman, or she might have been a very feminine looking man!

Edited

It upsets a lot of women when stupid questions like this are asked.

It's not polite at all.

Lovelysummerdays · 15/05/2025 07:58

I also have to ask. I think people assume I am a muppet. I tend to put children first which makes it easier. Name, dob, male/female? That way I’ve established a pattern.

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 07:58

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 07:45

It's actually medically correct to say men have breasts.

Not in the sense of secondary sexual characteristics evolved for a particular purpose, as I pointed out.

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 07:59

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 07:45

It doesn't matter how much breast tissue you have or whether you can lactate. Humans have breasts. That's what they're called.

I refer you to my response to your previous post.

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 08:01

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 07:58

Not in the sense of secondary sexual characteristics evolved for a particular purpose, as I pointed out.

That's not what breasts mean, though. Men don't have the capability to lactate and nourish a child. You can say that without denying that what they have are called breasts. Don't be scared of science.

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 08:03

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 08:01

That's not what breasts mean, though. Men don't have the capability to lactate and nourish a child. You can say that without denying that what they have are called breasts. Don't be scared of science.

Uh?

MyOliveHelper · 15/05/2025 08:05

borntobequiet · 15/05/2025 08:03

Uh?

You can admit that men have breasts, and still make the point that they can't lactate and nourish a child. It's unnecessary to pretend they don't have breasts in order to correctly say they cannot breastfeed.

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2025 08:13

If men have breasts, what's the problem with calling it breastfeeding then?

Talk about undermining the argument.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/05/2025 13:32

If men didn't have breasts how could they beat them?

Same as the tax collector in Luke, the wedding guest (not being Conan or a gorilla) did not beat his chest. Well, the tax collector smote upon his breast in the version I learned as a child, but the idea is the same.

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