My 84yr old Mum asked if she should be addressed as a Woman

[Horrace]

Yesterday my 84yr old Mum had to be interviewed by the police after witnessing a sudden death of a close friend. The death was traumatic in itself and happened abroad.
The first question the officer asked my mum was " would you like to be addressed as a woman?"
My mother was furious at this but also so upset and tired that she burst into tears.
I am so cross. I don't understand why they would ask her this. Would they ask a man similar.

DH has occasionally said he would say exactly this. But I say 'why make things more difficult for the poor person who has to ask?'

@Annascaul I agree 100% they don't have to ask because they can employ some bloody common sense- but are you a radiographer or a HCP? We have been told again and again they 'have' to ask because if they don't they will face repercussions.

That might sound ridiculous- and it is- but if you have read the thread on one of the nurses objecting to having a biological man change with her and the follow-on that she was denied necessary surgery from her very own hospital as a result then it is clear that when ideology enters one door; common sense, reason and basic humanity leaves by another.

Makes it easier to monitor accessibility, whether the service is reaching people and whom it works for/doesn't work for, prevents causing offence by misgendering, and shows patients that the clinician assessing them cares about their identity and getting it right/being respectful.

Nice to see NHS money being used on such vital matters as opposed to making sick people better! If I were ill enough to be in hospital they could address me as a Jedi if they made be well again because I'm not a professional complainer and stirrer.

How much public money is wasted on pandering to minorities so as not to upset their tender feeling? One can assume that the feelings of the majority of those pregnant women count for nothing when they're asked insulting questions.

I totally agree. This is yet another example of the ridiculous and damaging narcissism of trans ideology.

I’m very sorry for your mum - it is now police policy to add upset to an already traumatic situation. I hope she feels better soon. There are many good people fighting against this.

Pregnant women? You have to ask pregnant women if they’re women or not? JFC 🤦🏼‍♀️

@wlv12 if a patient refuses to answer, do you refuse to treat because you can't move on to the next step in your process or do you do what your eyes and brain tell you

I'm so sorry your mum witnessed the death of a close friend that must have been awful for her.

I don't get why people get so offended by being asked though? If i get asked I just say.... 'yes' I don't even give it a second thought? It's not that they are implying you don't look like a woman.

I recently gave birth I don't even remember being asked because I wouldn't have dwelled on it at all.

It’s offensive to be required to participate in someone else’s faith system in order to get access to taxpayer funded treatment. You are required to play along with something that the majority find barking mad. This is not kind and respectful. It also reinforces the sense that there is a more important category of people who must never be made uncomfortable, in the pursuit of which it’s ok to confuse old ladies and offend them by suggesting they look like men.

So if someone is pretending to be a cat I should collude with them and call them pussy?

Ahh, all these people who think they can spot a man or woman a mile off are really short sighted. Do you remember there used to be a game on TFI Friday in the 90s called "Bird or Bloke"? It was nothing to do with transgender (it was just offensive but that's beside the point) I was a not particularly attractive teen with short hair and I remember crying when I got called "sir" in a shop. I can assure you I am very much a woman and it hurt like hell that the lady on the till thought I was a man.

If I'm not sure of the sex of someone, rather than assume and say good morning sir or ma'am, I would just say good morning which is what I say anyway. I certainly wouldn't ask them

Completely agree.

People are prone to thinking that keeping quiet is acquiescing. Sometimes an eye roll and a withering look are way too subtle. Sometimes It is absolutely necessary to speak up. Now is the time (well 10+ years ago would have been better, but better late than never).

So would teenage you not have found it upsetting being asked whether you’re a woman or a man when you went to hospital?

A man who has kids is the very definition of a father. the other examples are not of people 'Identifying' but of people who 'are'

Quite.
The notion that you can “identify out of” any facet of your life that doesn’t currently suit is just 🤔

"Someone from mixed heritage may identify as one ethnicity more than the other." but absolutely should not be allowed to identify as Inuit or Black American if they have not a drop of either blood in their veins, I'd suggest.

I'm 50 now so way beyond the days of having children, but well on the way to starting the next stage of womanhood.

I think if someone in the NHS asked me how I 'identified' my answer would be, "I'm having a fucking baby/going through the fucking menopause. I'll let you work it out."

Absolutely had it up to 'here' woth this nonsense.

Especially since the SC ruling spelled it out for even the dimmest of bulbs.

They weren’t saying she looked like a bloke. In this day and age (though I agree unlikely at 84) there is a chance she identified as a man or non binary. I know a person who was born female, looks female but identifies as a man

Yet, if your friend were to go into hospital, she'd need to be treated as the woman she is whatever make believe game she likes to play the rest of the time.

So what? She’s still female and won’t spontaneously combust if addressed as such.

I identify as a 6 feet, blonde Swedish supermodel. In reality ... no, actually, you DON'T want to know the reality.

Think they'll be okay putting that in their records?

And there you were preaching all your lovely ‘inclusion’ and ‘tolerance’ and respecting how people wish to be known but you then have a great big exclusion for people who understand the reality of biological sex and don’t wish to be subsumed into a category of men. For people who have respect for elderly ladies who have been on the sharp end of the realities of being female since before you were born.

OPs mother won’t have been able to get credit in her own name until the 1970s.

Until the 1990s it was legal for husbands to rape their wives (no aspersions cast on her actual husband).

If she got pregnant outside of marriage she may either have been put in an asylum or an unmarried mothers home and forced to give up her child for abortion until the 1970s.

She will most likely have been paid less than men doing the same job, treated worse in conditions and sacked for getting pregnant.

All of these things were possible because of her sex - a woman. She couldn’t escape that immutable fact and it is utterly harmful and offensive to suggest that she could.

For you and your ‘inclusive and kind’ friends to respond to her distress with zero empathy and understanding is unspeakable. So you can stop patting yourselves on the back for being the good guys because you’re not. Emphatically unequivocally NOT!

@DurinsBane
Stupid is as stupid does
Can't say much more to you

I would be extremely upset to be asked if I was a woman. How is this not offensive?

You don't get to decide what is or is not upsetting to another person. To be this is extremely offensive.