To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

[User982778]

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

He’s being ridiculous. Say “no “ and forget about his brain fart.

Agree, your husband is being ridiculous. They have a room at their mums house and a room at dad's and the 3 Yr old has no room.

I think you mentioned the rooms are big, why don't you split the biggest room down the middle with a Kalax unit and it gives both boys their own privacy.

How old are the kids?

Stick to your guns. He's talking shite.

You're right.

Sorry your joint son, not daughter.

My stepsons always shared, even when one moved in full time at 14. There was no question about this and they never minded. My DH and I had a girl and boy who had their own rooms.

No way, not a chance, what is he thinking? Enjoy the freedom when you have the youngest in their room, you're paying for the house.

No absolutely not you need your own space and your 3 year old needs his own room with his toys your step children don’t need their own rooms when they are hardly ever there.

I can't imagine the 17 year old will be coming to stay two days a week when she's at work/university, so that room will probably become more available.

I completely agree with you though-DS and you need your own space. I would say to your DH that we need to pull out of this house if that's his plan as it just won't work.

Your 3 year old can bunk in with you for 2 nights a week when the other children are there. The rest of the time he has his own room.

Did your husband not want a room you can have sex in at night?? I'm guessing you have to be quite inventive at finding time alone???

No, this is his primary home. He should have a bedroom and not have to give it up when there are 2 same sex siblings who can share.

Agree.

People are always banging on about housing shortages. No wonder if the baseline now is for every single human in Britain to have their own bedroom!

Talk about ridiculous and unrealistic. There is nothing wrong with children and teens sharing rooms, as they do in the rest of the world.

I agree. It's perfectly reasonable for siblings to share, especially 2 nights a week! It's nonsensical for parents and a 3 year old child to share when there will be 3 other bedrooms not being used for most of the week.

@User982778

YANBU at all! Absolutely daft idea of your DH when they're only there two nights a week. Your DSD may cease even two nights a week before long.

Good friends of ours have just been through a similar housing situation. Maybe what they did would be an answer for you if you have a decent sized lounge.

They have 3 boys and 1 girl. They too were considering a loft conversion but life got in the way. In the end they cut the lounge in half with a stud wall so the eldest now happily has his own room downstairs. Obviously this can only work if the 'half lounge' is big enough to use once it's chopped up and that the layout of the downstairs rooms and corridors is conducive to this idea.

Yeah that works until the teenagers creep downstairs!

Oh bloody hell. Keep a room for all the kids in case they might want to move in with their families in the future? You can't be serious.

I know! For them, plus partner and baby?! The OP will be sharing with her son until he gets a partner and baby! 🤣

I don't think I could relax having sex in the lounge with other people in the house? It would be different in a bedroom

Lots of things can happen in late teens and early 20s. If anything they need more room for a partner as well, and maybe a baby. DH should still want to have this space for them for years to come

Seriously?? All the children plus their partners and any children?? That's soooooo unrealistic

Your husband is being completely unreasonable. I wouldn’t entertain his idea for a minute. If he is insistent that all 4 of his children have their own rooms then he will need to earn more money to enable the purchase of a 5 bedroom house. Or fund the loft conversion pronto.

Christ on a bike is your DH mad?
My brothers shared a tiny room until the eldest married at 20, youngest was 13
I shared with 2 sisters until I was 14/19 as older sisters left home.

Your Stepsons have their own bedrooms at their Mums house, at yours they share.

So he already had 3 kids he couldn’t accommodate so then he decided to start yet another family and have another DC? I’ll never understand why people continue to have DC when they’re already struggling to give their existing kids their own space. Baffling. Poor 3yr old being made to feel like a spare part

It’s not over dramatic, you are right to look out for your ds’ interests and your own, as DH isn’t.

I’d also be getting a will in place that leaves your half of the house to your sole DC.