Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

[Weddingspeechsad]

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

Wouldn't bother me atall. I wouldn't like the attention and a thankyou would be enough for me.

No you had a thanks from your son. She thanked her mum, not her place/responsibility to do a gushy thank you to you.

Her mum will always be more special to her.

Surely that would be your DS job to thank you? You didn't raise your DIL.

Emotional bride gushing about her mum. Sweet.

Nope, would not bother me at all if DIL did that.
Are you also upset that your DS didn’t do that, or just upset at new DIL?

No, i'm very close to my mum and no mother in law is getting between us, sorry. Think you just need to accept you dont have that relationship with her, and not be so competitive.

Not sure why you’re annoyed with her? Her mum will always be more special to her than you. Surely you should be annoyed with your DS than her? Although you got a mention in the speech anyway, so not sure what the issue is.

Traditionally you have 3 men doing speeches. Nice for bride to do a speech and not surprising she wanted to thank her DM at this key life moment. Nice idea to do this because shes right that MOB doesn't get mych role beyond wearing a hat in a Traditional wedding.

I don't see why you'd feel upset. Your sons wedding is not really about you. He thanked both his parents and her parents. That's a speech or wish from both of them.

It's not pay for play so the fact you gave a little bit of money is neither here nor there.

I'm a mum of boys and I could not get worked up about this.

You’re not her mum Surely it was up to your ds to include a gushy bit about how much you meant to him? Blame him not her.

I think if you felt like she was more warm and welcoming towards you as her mother in law in general you wouldn’t feel this way. I think you have an instinct that she’s not overly keen on her husband’s side of the family. You are probably right I see it time and time again. I’m sorry you feel like this there will probably be a lot of replies minimising how you feel because mumsnet isn’t overly fond of MIL’s. I love my mother in law and want her to feel as equal and included in our lives as my own mum

She thanked the grooms families.

It’s her day, not yours. FGS.

Aw I think young women, if they’re close, really do think of their mums on significant life events like this (weddings, giving birth, kids first day at school etc) so I’d forgive her the indulgence. It has no bearing on you and your contribution to the day.

Look, as Mother of the Groom, it’s often a no win situation. I’ve had two weddings as MOTG and there have been things that have bothered me along the way. But I know my sons love me, my DILs respect me and they don’t deliberately want to hurt me. It’s just you’re easy to overlook amongst the noise. Enjoy the wedding, realise it’s not personal and let it go.

It wouldn’t bother me.

No. It’s not about you. It’s her relationship with her Mum. You are not a part of that relationship and giving money towards the wedding doesn’t buy that. No one, literally no one will have given any thought to you not featuring in the speeches more because you were already thanked. This is coming from a place of self importance, which isn’t a very kind or generous place. You were thanked, her speech, as painful as it might be, was about her Mum and not about you in any way. And that’s ok.

No I wouldn't. I know how much my son loves me, and I'd absolutely hate him to do some sort of public tribute at his wedding. Weirder still if his wife did it!

No. You’re not her mum. Can’t see an issue unless you’re looking for a reason to dislike her

Why would it upset you if someone else is getting a special thank-you? It sounds like the bride is v close to her mum- was her dad there? She’s right, mothers rarely get acknowledged in the wedding pro forma and it’s nice that she did so- also unusual for the bride to make a speech. But her thanking her mum is a positive, not a sort of negative that reflects badly on you. At all! She thanked you for welcoming her into your family, which was kind and appropriate; it wasn’t her place to say more IMO.

Yikes! This is bad. You are the MIL from hell.

She thanked her mum. It would've been nice if your ds had also thanked you, but he chose not to. Not sure why you are blaming DIL

I think yabu. Both bride and groom included you in their thanks. If anything, I'd have expected you to be more disappointed in your son if you expected one of them to do a gushy speech for you.

Exactly this

This is about her and her mum, about their relationship

It's nothing to do with you. What exactly are you upset about?

I put YANBU as I thought you meant your DS, then read to bottom that you are upset about DiL?

As a Mum of two boys, and someone who never got the opportunity to have a close bond with my own mum, something I longed for decades for, I would be very hurt if either DS skirted over me in their speech. I’m afraid Mothers Days are a big fanfare in this house as they were a day of hurt my entire life before DCs. Their weddings will be the same, my wedding was stressful with an alcoholic mother who hadn’t been there for me (I didn’t invite her at first). Therefore I would love to have my DSs include me in their speech like a DD would. I don’t have the opportunity to have a close mum and DD relationship but I wouldn’t change DSs for world, just would be incredibly hurt if they didn’t have anything to say on their big day about me.

Couldn’t care less if future DiL doesn’t mention me and does her own mum.

I have sons and thos would not bother me at all. Of course she is going to be close to her mum.

Id revise my thinking over who is the prickly one in the relationship - you sound hard work

What on earth did the poor daughter in law do wrong? She thanked your family for welcoming her and then clearly said some lovely things about her mother who had brought her up, loved her, and been there for her presumably for over 20 years. Would you really expect her to say similar things about you, no matter how welcoming you’ve been to her? If you’re throwing a hissy for over something like this, it sounds as though you will make the poor woman’s life a nightmare over the coming years.

Given that this is your response to her speech (critical, taking it personally, blaming her not your Ds for their lack of contact) I would say it’s you, not her.

Why ‘singled out’? Does your Ds’ Dad feel like that? Does her Dad feel like that?