Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

[Weddingspeechsad]

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

Not at all. If you wanted equal like for like, it's your son you should be upset with for not giving a speech about his mum. Personally it wouldn't bother me in the least. I know what my relationship with my son and DDil is and wouldn't need a public declaration of it.

I can see why you felt upset, and I probably would have done too in the same circumstances.

However, the words were from the bride to her mum. It is irrational to think she would have included you in this.

If you are going to be upset with anyone, then be upset with your son for not doing the same. But then where does it end? Is the brides dad upset he didn't get a mention? Would your ex have been upset if only you got a mention and not him.

As much as I can understand, it's definitely unreasonable 🙂

Her Mum has always been a single Mum who had her as a teen so I know they are very close. I know I will never be able to have that relationship with her.

Even if she'd been married and in her early 40s, why would you have that relationship with her when she's not your daughter?

I can't really relate to your way of thinking OP.

YABU It was entirely your sons responsibility to gush over you.

She did thank you in an appropriate way. Your DIL especially mentioned her mum as she was raised solely by her!

No Father of bride speech as she has no relationship with her Dad. Her Mum has always been a single Mum who had her as a teen so I know they are very close.

So she took the place of the FOB speech and used that to acknowledgeamd thank her mother in his place. You are definitely BU, and absolutely need to give your head a wobble.

That you've taken this as an issue with her speech rather than your sons also might be an indication of why you might find her prickly. You seem awfully quick to blame her for your son's failing.

But she did thank you?

YABU

You are definitely being unreasonable.

It was your sons job to do a long speech about you, if it was going to be done not hers.

He could have done a long speech about anyone.

And just because it isn't usually done doesn't mean she can't do a speech

Also mentioning your daughter didn't do a speech about you- again it was up to your daughter to do it. Not your daughter in laws problem.

She did thank you.

Not sure why a daughter saying a speech about her mum on her wedding day is being made into a big issue.

So you acknowledge that this kind of recognition is unusual, understand that it's because she has no relationship with her dad and was raised by her mum alone, you were mentioned in all three speeches, and you have still found a way to make a bride's appreciation for her mum into a personal slight against you.

If this is in any way typical of your approach to this poor woman, I'd suggest she isn't 'prickly', she's actively trying to keep you at arms length because of the mindset you've showcased here.

Kindly, you are being oversensitive. If DIL has no relationship with her father then she is just expressing gratitude to the woman who may have single handedly raised her under potentially difficult circumstances. It was a sweet moment between the two of them and not a reflection on you.

You gave £1000 so what?

If you aren't happy your son didn't make as much fuss over you and the bride did her mum perhaps take that up with him rather than blame the DIL. I foresee this DIL has a pretty difficult time ahead.

Your not her mum, you will never compare to her mum so it's understandable she focused on her mum. If your honest I'm sure you would say your DIL would never compare go your son. I don't think you have any reason to be upset. It sounds like she thanked you and spoke from the heart about what her mum means to her.

Massively unreasonable. The bride gave a heartfelt speech for her mum and it has nothing whatsoever to do with you. If you were going to receive the same then it would’ve come from your DS. Your DIL has done nothing wrong.

How lovely of the bride to honour her mother in such a way. Only a lunatic would be upset by this.

No, she thanked both sides and the grooms parents which includes you, then she had a special message for her mother. She doesn’t have to do everything she does for her Kroger for you too, that’s what your son is for. A special message for you should have come from your son but it’s not necessary.

As you also said her mother raised her as a single mother and she is very close to her mother so it makes sense that she will have special mention for her mother.

It has nothing to do with you and maybe it’s better for you to set expectations now that you will never be as close to her as she is to her mother.

I come across people like you occasionally in work. The personal who sees offense in everything. They make everyone around them miserable - but most of all they make themselves miserable.

people back away - because they can’t do right for doing wrong.

There will be many occasions where you will be able to chose to take offense - but it’s a choice. If you carry on like this you will be prickly, critical grandma who they never want to see because all she does is complain she doesn’t see the baby enough.

address this now OP.

I would just like to add I don’t have an issue with son’s speech. It was beautiful. I was crying the whole way through especially when he thanked me. His speech was 90% about the bride, as it should be.

Brides speech was also beautiful, it was just the line that there’s typically no thanks for mother of the bride. I felt like she should have said there’s typically no thanks for Mums. But I have taken the consensus! Head well and truly wobbled!!

Absolutely nobody listening to her speech would have thought it was any kind of slight against you or even have thought about you during it in anyway. Everybody will be aware that you aren't her mum, everyone on her side will be aware that her mum raised her alone and that they are very close. They will have thought aww that's sweet, is that the speeches over now? The only person thinking of you during her speech will have been you.

I really can't see why you are getting your knickers in a twist over this. It wouldn't bother me at all, and I rather doubt it would even register on my radar.

Both bride and groom mentioned and thanked both sets of parents in their respective speeches. What more could you possibly want?

If it was more gushy-ness over you that you wanted then maybe you should ask your own DS why he didn't oblige more there!. Not that I am being serious there as it would be a very silly thing to do and would cause needless bad feeling.

You come across as looking for something to take offence at. Yes, I think you do need to give your head a wobble. This is ridiculous.

And again she made special mention for her mother and she is slowed to so move on. Her relationship with you is different from her relationship with her mother and it’s ridiculous to expect that anything she does or say about her mother has to be replicated with you to avoid you getting upset.

As you said she thanked both sides of the family and then specifically thanked the grooms parents which includes you.

No, you were all thanked by the bride and groom She gave a special speech to her own mum which is special for her. I wouldn't let it bother you one bit. Her mum will always be more special to her

Ah ok, if the mum’s a single mum and there’s no relationship with her dad then she probably did the speech instead of the first dance she’d usually have with him. I wouldn’t focus too much on it.

YABU. Massively. You are not her mother. Never will be, not even close. She doesn't owe you a close warm relationship and she definitely does not owe you a gushy speech.

All of that is on your son. All of it.

You're general relationship sounds like it isn't what you'd like it to be so you are being hyper vigilant of any potential slight on you, but it's a dangerous route to go down as it doesnt go unnoticed. It sounds normal for the bride to gush about her mum, and natural that mother of bride has a bigger role in a wedding day most of the time.

You're not her mum. She was thanking her mum. I do not understand, at all, why you could ever have been even remotely upset about this. You sound like a lot of work.

Kindly, you are taking this far too personally. It sounds like the groom and BM followed traditional protocols for family thank yous.

However, it sounds like the bride was making her own speech to replace the usual father of the bride speech. It’s understandable that she would use this to celebrate her relationship with her only parent.

It’s not about you. Just be happy for them.