Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

303 replies

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:12

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

OP posts:
Acc0untant · 11/05/2025 14:25

So the bride thanks both families and it isn't enough?

I'm not sure why you think you'd be on equal footing to her mother. If you want to be gushed over surely that's your son's job.

Happyinarcon · 11/05/2025 14:25

I always use the speeches as chance to get stuck into the champagne so no i wouldn’t have cared/noticed

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/05/2025 14:26

Eh? It’s not her fault your DS is a bit rubbish at speech giving. She said what she wanted to say. If you are not happy with what he said, you should take it up with him.

DeedlessIndeed · 11/05/2025 14:26

I think it is telling that you mention the money.

Whilst generous, it really is just a drop for how much weddings cost. They thanked you publicly (and privately too, I would imagine). But it doesn't mean they owe you gushing emotion for £1K.

Does a small part of you resent giving the money? I just cannot see why it was relevant.

At the end of the day, if your son wanted to, he could have done the same as his bride. Don't be mad at her for his decision.

Purpleturtle43 · 11/05/2025 14:26

Agree with others, if you should be annoyed with anyone it should be your son, but I don't think you should be annoyed.

Wishboneswishes · 11/05/2025 14:26

She did thank you and your DS thanked you in his speech.
You cannot possibly compare a Mother/daughter relationship with a MIL/ DIL relationship and I say this as a MIL to my DIL. Though I’m sure some would have a close relationship especially if the Mother/daughter bond had not been there for whatever reason. It’s very sweet that she loves her mum so much and wanted to talk about her. It’s doesn’t mean your DS doesn’t love you or she doesn’t like you. I can’t imagine how this has made you feel singled out?
You’re massively over reacting.

mindutopia · 11/05/2025 14:27

Not at all, she did thank you. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you wanted more gushing, your son should have done it.

That said, at family members wedding and neither of them said much at all about the groom’s parents, other than a polite thanks for being here and for the support. The speeches were very much focused on bride’s parents and wider family.

Those of us who know, know that the groom had a very unhappy childhood, has struggled with his mental health as an adult, including several attempts at self harm, and his now wife and her family are his main support system. It was very obvious in the speeches and I think it was perfectly appropriate. You can’t be terrible parents and expect all the glory.

Even now, many years on, it’s an actual running joke in the family how much his mum avoids spending any time with her grandchildren. Like if she knows they will be nearby, she will invent all sorts of excuses to be busy all day to avoid meeting them at the playground. So she only sees them a few times a year.

I’m not saying this is the same. But I would much more appreciate a wedding speech that was realistic, rather than over the top and fake.

Original poster
Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:27

There was 3 speeches. Best man, groom and bride. Best man also touched thanks to myself and his dad as has known us years. My DS did thank myself and his Dad, not sure where a poster got that from. He said a few sentences about us but DIL launched into a whole speech and it was obviously staggeringly different to what DS said. There is also no special part for mother of the groom in the wedding and she didn’t mention that. I think that line upset me the most.

No Father of bride speech as she has no relationship with her Dad. Her Mum has always been a single Mum who had her as a teen so I know they are very close. I know I will never be able to have that relationship with her.

I’m listening and perhaps need to give my head a wobble. Would obviously never say anything to her. I think PP has it spot on and I feel if she was more warm in our relationship it wouldn’t have hurt so much. My own daughter didn’t do a special mention for me in her speech and haven’t seen it at any other wedding so I think I took it a bit personal and felt like it highlighted lack of mentioning myself.

OP posts:
ForRealCat · 11/05/2025 14:27

I’d imagine your DIL isn’t “prickly” it’s just your the sort to find everything a slight, and are blaming her not looking in the mirror

TickTackToe23 · 11/05/2025 14:28

It was up to your son to dedicate a gushy moment to you. Clearly he didn’t want to do that. That’s up to him, not your DIL.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 11/05/2025 14:28

I have 3 adult sons and I can not imagine this bothering me for one single second, let alone upsetting me?!

In fact I think it's lovely.

Are you upset because your son didn't say similar about you?

OneWittySquid · 11/05/2025 14:29

She hasn't got a relationship with her father hence the extra nod to her mom for raising her as a single parent. You sound jealous of a non minor issue.

GagaBinks · 11/05/2025 14:30

I honestly think it's wild that you would be even slightly upset about this.

Wishboneswishes · 11/05/2025 14:30

Your update says it all OP.

No relationship with her Dad so her Mum has done it all. She deserved a special mention.

Sorry OP but I think you are being a bit prickly here. Wish them well.

Hankunamatata · 11/05/2025 14:30

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:27

There was 3 speeches. Best man, groom and bride. Best man also touched thanks to myself and his dad as has known us years. My DS did thank myself and his Dad, not sure where a poster got that from. He said a few sentences about us but DIL launched into a whole speech and it was obviously staggeringly different to what DS said. There is also no special part for mother of the groom in the wedding and she didn’t mention that. I think that line upset me the most.

No Father of bride speech as she has no relationship with her Dad. Her Mum has always been a single Mum who had her as a teen so I know they are very close. I know I will never be able to have that relationship with her.

I’m listening and perhaps need to give my head a wobble. Would obviously never say anything to her. I think PP has it spot on and I feel if she was more warm in our relationship it wouldn’t have hurt so much. My own daughter didn’t do a special mention for me in her speech and haven’t seen it at any other wedding so I think I took it a bit personal and felt like it highlighted lack of mentioning myself.

So her mum has been her single parental figure? Seriously you need to get over this. She didn't have a father of the bride which must feel painful for her so she decided to substitute her mum instead. This isn't about you

AlertCat · 11/05/2025 14:30

Maybe your dd and your ds simply didn’t think of it. As you point out, it’s unusual- and presumably as there is no dad on the scene, your DIL and her mum have been a team of 2 all her life. Different to your own children. Yours might now regret not thinking of thanking you specially! But no, don’t take offence at this.

BangersAndGnash · 11/05/2025 14:30

No Father of bride speech as she has no relationship with her Dad. Her Mum has always been a single Mum

Well that explains why she made such a special thanks to her Mum.

Searchingforthelight · 11/05/2025 14:31

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:27

There was 3 speeches. Best man, groom and bride. Best man also touched thanks to myself and his dad as has known us years. My DS did thank myself and his Dad, not sure where a poster got that from. He said a few sentences about us but DIL launched into a whole speech and it was obviously staggeringly different to what DS said. There is also no special part for mother of the groom in the wedding and she didn’t mention that. I think that line upset me the most.

No Father of bride speech as she has no relationship with her Dad. Her Mum has always been a single Mum who had her as a teen so I know they are very close. I know I will never be able to have that relationship with her.

I’m listening and perhaps need to give my head a wobble. Would obviously never say anything to her. I think PP has it spot on and I feel if she was more warm in our relationship it wouldn’t have hurt so much. My own daughter didn’t do a special mention for me in her speech and haven’t seen it at any other wedding so I think I took it a bit personal and felt like it highlighted lack of mentioning myself.

Well of course you'll never have 'that relationship with her'

You didn't give birth to her and raise her! It's really silly to even state you can't have the relationship she has with her mum. Duh!!

Hankunamatata · 11/05/2025 14:31

And to add it isn't a competition or how much money you gave them

Icexream · 11/05/2025 14:33

The speech sounds absolutely fine to me and if more gushing over you was required it should have come from your son (but it wasn't necessary and all families are different).

But, I do get "losing" your son to marriage is hard. I had a difficult MIL who was jealous, leading to disputes over the amount of contact etc, which I thought was terrible at the time. It's only since my sons have started having serious girlfriends that I've started to get it. For me, I think this transition is the hardest phase of all in parenting.

No real advice, but you won't help yourself by looking for faults in DIL or holding her responsible for slights (real or imagined) from your son.

Whattodo1610 · 11/05/2025 14:34

I’m confused 😵‍💫 She thanked you for welcoming her into their family and being kind.

PeskyRooks · 11/05/2025 14:34

I think you have what my teenagers would call 'main character energy'

Sera1989 · 11/05/2025 14:34

Wouldn't it be the groom's responsibility to do a special thank you as he is your son? I assume the bride was was thanking her mum for raising her etc. which you didn't do for her. And if your own daughter didn't do a special mention and you didn't take offence at that then I think you're being quite unfair

Zanatdy · 11/05/2025 14:37

You’re over reacting. Her mum has raised her single handedly and she wanted to thank her on her wedding day. If you’re going to offended this easily then I can see the relationship going south early on.

RosesAndHellebores · 11/05/2025 14:37

YABVU @Weddingspeechsad.

I have a dil and was the mother of the groom. I am very pleased dil is close to her mum and her dad. It reassures me that ds has entered a functional family.

My bond with dil is respectful, my bond with my dd is close.

We shared the cost of the wedding reception with dil's parents. It was a non issue and we were pleased to do so.

I didn't expect a role in the wedding. I was a minor player.