Page 6 | Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

Rewis · 11/05/2025 15:48

Sound like everyone was acknowledged. I guess only peroson you could be upset with is the groom for not gushing equal amout as the bride.

BigDeepBreaths · 11/05/2025 15:49

I can see you have agreed you need to give your head a wobble on this OP. But I think you should also reflect and ask yourself why this has come up. Its an unusual reaction. Are you jealous, or struggling with your DS growing up and moving on in life? Did you feel left out with wedding planning and want more involvement? Have a think and make sure this doesnt go unchecked, especially before grandkids come along. Maybe its none of these things and this is uncharacteristic of you, but your DIL will pick up on any bad vibes so dont let this rear its head again.

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FuckityFux · 11/05/2025 15:54

YABU because I think you need to step back and let him go.

It’s likely that you’re not going to be included as much in their family activities going forward and you either accept that gracefully or have a falling out when you’ll see even less of them.

I’m a mum of a son and I do see my adult kids occasionally but the other mother sees the family a whole lot more. Partly because she’s very close to her daughter since she got divorced when her kids were young. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you but it means she’s very close to her mum.

As a parent, you always need to be there for them but if you’ve done a good job of raising them, you have to let them live their own lives away from you and be genuinely happy for them.

MyLittleNest · 11/05/2025 15:55

Agree. Anyone who would think this, take offense to it, dwell on it, and take to MN for back up needs an unrealistic amount of adoration and attention and "credit" for any "gifts.". OP strikes me as a complete narcissist.

Blobbitymacblob · 11/05/2025 15:55

It’s a huge mistake to put yourself in competition or comparison with another woman, in any context. Just be yourself, nurture the relationships that you have, trust to the uniqueness of your place in the family and the world and seek contentment.

Women set themselves up against their mil, dil, sil, and in the case of marriage breakdown, ow. But it’s all irrelevant, and a fast track to unhappiness.

In-law relationships are particularly hard because there is a forced proximity and intimacy that isn’t earned, and it takes decades to build a genuine connection. In all honesty, if the marriage broke down in the morning, you’d turn your backs on each other in a heartbeat. But dms will always be there for their dc. That’s just how it is,

Just keep building relationship, and be patient.

Teenybub · 11/05/2025 15:57

My impression is that you are overbearing and expected her to be equally thankful of you for letting her have the odd takeaway with you as if you are some sort of hero that’s swept in from her awful single parent upbringing.

Lampzade · 11/05/2025 15:57

You are already ‘that’ mother in law. Blaming your daughter in law for the fact that your son didn’t give a gushy speech about you

Catsandcannedbeans · 11/05/2025 15:58

She thanked you, which was nice. IMO that’s all you should expect. You’re her MIL, even if you’re the best MIL in the world your bond will never compare to what she has for her own mother. Her mum birthed her and raised her and she wanted to thank her at her wedding, that’s really sweet and I probably (definitely) would have teared up because I’m a total sap at weddings.

It would make more sense to be annoyed at your son for not making a fuss of you, but even that would be unreasonable. It’s not your wedding, it’s not about you. You got your special day. Did you make a fuss of your MIL on your wedding day?

Flyswats · 11/05/2025 16:02

My MIL immediately assumed she'd get equal air-time to my mum once my DH and I were married. Its a complete misconception, unless there is a genuine friendship and bond existing between you prior to the wedding.

minnienono · 11/05/2025 16:05

At least she spoke, I didn’t at the main reception. Dh did thank my parents, I didn’t have my dad make a speech, I’m way too old for that! But Dh did poignantly mention those not there as passed away, including the dog and cat (who has a cat at a wedding???)

BunnyLake · 11/05/2025 16:11

No. I’m a mother of boys and as long as they acknowledged me (if that’s what they’re doing), then I’m good. The bride is acknowledging her mum, I don’t need to be a part of that.

You’re not thinking about being ‘that’ mil are you?

TorroFerney · 11/05/2025 16:14

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:46

I would just like to add I don’t have an issue with son’s speech. It was beautiful. I was crying the whole way through especially when he thanked me. His speech was 90% about the bride, as it should be.

Brides speech was also beautiful, it was just the line that there’s typically no thanks for mother of the bride. I felt like she should have said there’s typically no thanks for Mums. But I have taken the consensus! Head well and truly wobbled!!

When we are hurt by something , the emotionally mature (but not easy) thing to do is to look inwards before blaming others I find.

Delphiniumandlupins · 11/05/2025 16:16

At a traditional wedding there is an obvious role for the bride's father, he gives her away and makes a speech. Your DiL was trying to highlight her relationship with her mum, who has been her only parent. Her speech was not about you nor any reflection on you (that doesn't mean she doesn't like you or admire and respect you).

Soontobesingles · 11/05/2025 16:24

I agree with previous posters here that it’s silly to be offended that someone else’s daughter didn’t single you out in her speech for special gushing praise. I think you also have to accept your son probably didn’t know what was in his wife’s speech in advance so there is no failure to ‘equalise’ by making a fuss of you in his speech - he literally didn’t know. It’s fine to feel slightly miffed. Taking this personally is really going to damage your relationship with them and set up bad dynamics. Let it go. There will be lots of moments over the years where things are not totally equal between your side and her side. For example, most women who are close to their mum want her around more than MiL after giving birth/early years of child raising. If you can make it not about you when choices they make do not centre you, your life will be a lot nicer.

tara66 · 11/05/2025 16:28

Your main focus should be that they have a good happy marriage. Don't rock that boat.

Anthropologie · 11/05/2025 16:30

Missed the part where you birthed and raised her

Yeswoman · 11/05/2025 16:31

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:12

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

I honestly wouldn't take this to heart in the slightest. If she had gushed over you, then her own mother might have been put out!
it sounds like you might be a bit hurt over your own daughter and that she didn't think to do something like this at her wedding?

pinkdelight · 11/05/2025 16:31

Glad you've given your head a wobble. It's pretty crazy to focus on this when you've been thanked plenty and you're just being jealous of a beautiful mother/daughter moment that is totally earned and no reflection on you any more than it is for anyone else at the wedding. It's about her and her mother, who you say raised her alone as a teen mum, so not only will you never have that relationship with her, you also didn't have to go through any of that hardship and sounds like you're still with your son's dad, so quit with the comparisons - some words at a wedding are nice, but I'm betting you've had the smoother ride parenting-wise. Perhaps you're generally inclined to be glass half-empty and focus on the negative, but in this case it's completely unjustified and YABVU. But congratulations anyway because it sounds like a lovely wedding so enjoy that with zero imagined blights on it.

ParsnipPuree · 11/05/2025 16:33

I cannot understand this.. you’re not her mother, you’re someone else’s mother! Can’t you just be happy that he’s happy?

Boomer55 · 11/05/2025 16:34

No. All seems like a lot of weddings I’ve been to.

Gowlett · 11/05/2025 16:34

They both thanked you. Wait until they have kids!

ScribblingPixie · 11/05/2025 16:35

Her Mum has always been a single Mum who had her as a teen so I know they are very close.

I've only read your posts OP so I'm probably just saying the same as everyone else. But if her mum brought her up alone from a teenager, she's probably very aware of how difficult it was and possibly how much she sacrificed. It's very understandable that she would use the opportunity to say thank you for the way she's brought her up. She hasn't snubbed you in the slightest, what she said to you as the groom's parents about being made welcome was just right. But this is something special and personal just between the two of them and separate from her mother's role at the wedding. Actually very sweet.
I hope you get closer as time goes on.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 11/05/2025 16:37

My own daughter didn’t do a special mention for me in her speech

I can understand that the most recent wedding made you feel a bit sad about that, but everyone is different. YABU for the rest

Son Thanks Mum and Dad for everything
Bride Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind

Why would you be upset, they both thanked you and mentioned you!
You are a MIL to the bride, not her mother, what's upsetting about that. Her own mother is the MIL for your own son, not his mum, same thing.

BigHeadBertha · 11/05/2025 16:44

No, it wouldn't upset me (and I was the mother of a groom).

It sounds to me like it was just a special acknowledgement the bride wanted to make to her mother, for her mother's help with the wedding and for raising her in general.

It seems to me that most of the planning of weddings is usually done by the bride and either the groom or the bride's mother. The mother of the groom's involvement is typically much less.

Anyway, I don't think it was intended as a slight to you in any way or that anyone there would have read it as such. It was just a bonding moment for a daughter and her mother.

It sounds like you've already got it sorted out now anyway. Kids getting married can be very emotional. :)

Iloveyoubut · 11/05/2025 16:46

No I would t be upset. I have one child, a son. My ‘might as well be daughter in law and will be at some point’ is the most beautiful woman I could ever have dreamed to have had in my life. I’ll never, ever be anywhere near as close to her as here own mother! I’m just so grateful she opened her heart to me and all I want is for her to know that I’m a safe port in the sort and that even through her man is my son that I have her back too. 100% and I genuinely love her. If I saw her making part of her speech about her connection with her mum I’d be in tears …because it’s her mum! I’m Ito her mum! Life isn’t about having your place given to you etc it’s just… who knows what the future holds, love is just love and you never really need to have it publicly acknowledged otherwise it’s just pomp and ceremony and when the shit hits the fan … and the shit always hits the fan in life, you’re either there for your not and it’s either a bond or it isn’t and weddings mean nothing, it’s a day, what means something is all the days that come after.