Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

[Weddingspeechsad]

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

You really need to get out of your head.

her dad isn’t around, her mum’s been everything to her, and this is what she meant. I wasn’t even there and I can tell it was her processing that she didn’t have a dad by her side to give her away.

it’s not all about you

Oh, will you let it go, you have set the relationship between DIL and her mother as a completion, you were told many times on that thread too.

You are creating the division.

Once again, our children are only on loan.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5289162-should-both-sets-of-parents-be-treated-the-same-on-mothers-day?page=1
That is your older thread.

You need to let your son go. Do you have friends, a partner, a social life?

I think your new DIL made special mention of her Mum as pp have said single mum, had her young, very close, no FOTB so I wouldn't take it personally OP. The saying "A daughter is a daughter all her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife" comes to mind. Be kind to yourself OP, try to fill your life with new experiences and make new friends. Sending you best wishes 💐

Father of the bride is the only parent who usually has a "role" at the wedding - walking the bride down the aisle and giving a speech. Traditionally the brides parents host the wedding and send the invitations.

Given bride's mother was a single parent and they are close, it is lovely that she gave a nice speech about her mum.

Both the bride and groom thanked you.
Really you haven't been overlooked or left out.

I hope you can let go of this disappointed/verging on resentful feeling. It will not benefit your future relationship with your son and his wife.

My wife and I (both female) had a strict No Male Speeches rule at out wedding- you would have hated it! What a shame we didn't invite you.

You have said you don't have the best relationship, so why are you not pleased with her about this.

If she was mention you and her mum in the same sentence, it's as though you are both on the same pedestal, when you are not.
Her mum raised her, but also it's your son's responsibility to have spoken more about you if he did want to, not hers. You should be disappointed in your son, not her. Many MILs feel that they should take their frustrations out on the DIL, when really it should be the son.

LinkedIn 😂😂😂 both you and OP sound like 2 extremes of the kinda mental spectrum

that

Most weddings I have been to have different people doing the speeches!
It can be the siblings, brother or sister, god-parents, bridesmaid, best men, friends, relative, the mum or the dad.

Well said

It's not about you.
To you it is but it's really not.
I see what you're saying but I don't think it's something to be upset about.
She thanked and gushed about her mum who raised her.
You were a stranger then and although you're not now, you're not entitled to be mentioned publicly just because youre the MIL.

And don't gift money generously if you're going to bring it up when you're feeling a bit out of spite.

I hear this sounding horrible.
I don't mean it to. It's my hormones I think

She isn’t yr daughter, most people only ever tolerate their in laws, no idea why u need praise.

I'm so confused. Did you help raise her? Did she thank your ex husband? I thought she said something negative ABOUT you. The wedding is about THEM? Are you going to be one of THOSE MILs? Did YOU personally thank YOUR MIL in your wedding day speech? Is your gift transactional for a speech shout out?

Your donation was the GROOM, your gift was the financial assistance. It shouldn't be a hard point against them. IS the bride prickly? I can't imagine why. She must LOVE your son....I would've exited upon seeing what I was trying myself to....

Move on and stop her 'perceived' negativity from blighting your life.

I think it's crazy that you're upset at your DIL for this rather than your son. Of course her speech would focus on her own mum. I don't understand why you're annoyed at her for not making a special comment about you but your son is getting a free pass even though he didn't either?

Its really not fair to blame your DIL for your son's behaviour.

You are not her mother - why would she make a speech in your honour? Take it up with your son.

Some of the MILs that post here are really weird

I remember that post. OP you’re acting very strangely with regards your DIL and how she views her mother.

She has a mother and it’s not you. If you want additional venerating then you need to take that up with your son.

Yep. I assumed it was an English thing as my colleague was baffled when I told him about my mom and the bridesmaids doing a speech at my brother’s wedding.

He was surprised that there were women giving speeches and I was dumbfounded at the fact the tradition is for just men to speak.

That’s what I thought of when I saw this thread. Now I understand it’s by the same poster it makes sense.

Oh lord, if either of ours gushed about me I’d wish for the floor to open up 😁

No. Not at all. The thanks to parents has already happened and she gave a special thanks to her mum .... Natural

Your DIL did a special mention for her Mum

For you to have the same, your son should have spoken more fully about HIS feelings for HIS mother

It's not up to your DIL to give you a special mention
You didn't bring her up

You sound very attention seeking and lacking in confidence imo

I'd work on that if I were you, so that you don't unintentionally fuck up your relationships with both your son and DIL going forward

Jesus! This was you ? Fuck me 🙄 You need help. See a therapist

You're not being unreasonable. As a mother of 4 sons I'm hoping one day to have a good relationship with a daughter in law.
I haven't really been close to my own mother and don't know what a healthy mother daughter relationship feels like.

I feel sad that so many people here are telling you to butt out.. it makes you feel even more isolated x