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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

303 replies

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:12

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 11/05/2025 14:51

Usually father of the bride covers his DD and her mum. All these boring speeches!

Notmoreshopping · 11/05/2025 14:51

Was the thanks a general thank you to her mum or was it a special thanks for what she had done for the wedding?

I know someone whose son has just got married and they have been saying for months how busy they are and how much there is to do. When I got married my parents didn’t ‘do’ a single thing! I was an older bride but can’t think what they could have actually done towards it unless they did flower arranging or cake making.

MummaMummaMumma · 11/05/2025 14:51

But you're obviously no where near as special oy her as her own mum, so why would she do a speech for you? Especially when you've said you're not close?

SerafinasGoose · 11/05/2025 14:52

Well, she's right. So many 'traditions' surrounding weddings - I feel myself carefully putting inverted commas around that word as it's so often a translation for 'our way is the only right way' - are saturated in antediluvian patirarchy. She alternatively wanted to devote a significant portion of her speech to acknowledging the person most important to her in her life: her mum. I completely understand this. I felt the same way about mine.

Your DiL has thanked you for being kind and welcoming, OP. As for being busy, the same could be said of many professional people who need to divide what scant free time they have amongst a variety of family and friends.

I really don't see what it is you're complaining about.

Velmy · 11/05/2025 14:52

Absolutely ridiculous.

declutteringmymind · 11/05/2025 14:53

To be fair, it sounds like her poor mother had to put up with a lot and she’s thanking her for it. Unless you equally participated to the bride’s experience, then she’s singling out the person who helped her out the most, and thanking them. I’m sure it wasn’t personal. Obviously you must have done a lot for your son, and he thanked you but there is just a lot more to arrange on the bride’s side so more effort required from the MOB, generally. Unless this wedding was particularly different.

SpryUmberZebra · 11/05/2025 14:53

alwaysamused · 11/05/2025 14:51

You're not her mum. She was thanking her mum. I do not understand, at all, why you could ever have been even remotely upset about this. You sound like a lot of work.

Show quote history

Exactly. The brides mother raised her as a single mom and OP recognizes that she is really close to her mother so I have no idea what she is upset about.

TheignT · 11/05/2025 14:53

I can't even remember what was said at my son's wedding but if DIL had said that I'd have been surprised to say the least. Id only known her for two or three years as opposed to her mother who had been there her whole life.

Pickledpeanuts · 11/05/2025 14:54

it was just the line that there’s typically no thanks for mother of the bride. I felt like she should have said there’s typically no thanks for Mums

Christ almighty, you are so keen to find fault with her. It would have been weird for her to say mums, and then launch into a speech solely about her own.

Do you think the MOB is sitting there feeling slighted because the best man thanked you and not her?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 11/05/2025 14:54

If anything it would have been worse if she included MIL in the speech, thanking her mother and MIL about all they had done for her. It would look weird like they were on the same pedestal, which they absolutely should not be.

It seems like you don't really like her and are desperately looking for reasons.

MayaPinion · 11/05/2025 14:57

Gosh, her mum raised her single-handedly and you’re upset because she didn’t mention you? What did you want her to say, ‘Thank you, mum, for putting me first my whole life, putting your personal life on hold, and sacrificing your ambitions to give me a great upbringing, and thank you, @Weddingspeechsad, for cooking a lovely lasagne when we come to visit’?

Aiiii · 11/05/2025 14:59

You are actively choosing to find offence where there was none intended.

Take a step back, look at it again, and choose to be happy your son's married a woman who clearly appreciates the role her mother has played in her life - and will be bringing up her own family with that same respect and love.

thepariscrimefiles · 11/05/2025 15:01

Surely it would be your son's responsibility to talk about what a lovely mum you are?

You were acknowledged and thanked by the bride. Did you expect her to do a glowing tribute to you in her speech? If so, that would be unreasonable.

MrsPlantagenet · 11/05/2025 15:02

What did you expect? You didn’t raise her. She’s hardly going to thank you.

Superhansrantowindsor · 11/05/2025 15:02

Oh dear. You really need to let this go. Your son could have done a speech about you. It’s not for DIL to do.

StScholastica · 11/05/2025 15:02

Oh my Lord.
As the mum of boys/men, I'd concede that the mother of the bride traditionally has a bigger role in weddings. It's just how it is. Wait until they have a child and watch as she turns to her own mum for advice first too. It's normal.
If my DIL gave a speech thanking her mum I'd think that it was a very sweet gesture.

Honestly OP , check your jealousy! Be happy that you have raised a son who has chosen a thoughtful wife who seems to value family.

abracadabra1980 · 11/05/2025 15:02

StMarie4me · 11/05/2025 14:19

She thanked the grooms families.

It’s her day, not yours. FGS.

This!

Loveduppenguin · 11/05/2025 15:03

Don’t start your life as a MIL taking offence over nothing @Weddingspeechsad you are only going to build resentment where there is no need for any. Let it go, move on and be happy for them.

Coconutter24 · 11/05/2025 15:07

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:46

I would just like to add I don’t have an issue with son’s speech. It was beautiful. I was crying the whole way through especially when he thanked me. His speech was 90% about the bride, as it should be.

Brides speech was also beautiful, it was just the line that there’s typically no thanks for mother of the bride. I felt like she should have said there’s typically no thanks for Mums. But I have taken the consensus! Head well and truly wobbled!!

But you said that in DS, bride and even the best man there was a thanks to you and his dad?

ImaginedCorners · 11/05/2025 15:09

It’s genuinely baffling to me that you went from ‘weeping and touched’ during your son’s speech to ‘actively seeking offence’ in your DIL’s appreciative speech about her mother.

Lillers · 11/05/2025 15:09

You’ve said her speech was very different to your son’s speech - bear in mind that they probably didn’t share their speeches with each other beforehand. Me and my husband ended up accidentally making the same joke in our speeches because we didn’t know what the other was going to say.

Honestly I don’t think she would have ever meant to cause you upset by talking about her mum. It doesn’t reflect anything about her relationship with you at all. I made a fuss of my mum in my speech and it never occurred to me that it might upset my MIL and I’d have been really sad if I ever learned that it did upset her.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 11/05/2025 15:09

Weddingspeechsad · 11/05/2025 14:46

I would just like to add I don’t have an issue with son’s speech. It was beautiful. I was crying the whole way through especially when he thanked me. His speech was 90% about the bride, as it should be.

Brides speech was also beautiful, it was just the line that there’s typically no thanks for mother of the bride. I felt like she should have said there’s typically no thanks for Mums. But I have taken the consensus! Head well and truly wobbled!!

Glad to see you have taken this on board! That is brilliant of you.

This is a total non issue and you definitely need to deal with these feelings of jealousy and competitiveness before any grandchildren come along…..

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 11/05/2025 15:10

I thought you were going to say nobody thanked you at all. I can’t see why you have taken offence and especially not at the bride.

TomatoSandwiches · 11/05/2025 15:10

The speech the bride gave for her mother was singularly about her mother and all she has done for her in the absence of a second parent... it wasn't a speech about mothers in general, just hers.

She thanked you previously, your son thanked you the best man also.

You need to take a look at yourself and why you have your back up about your DIL who really has done nothing wrong.
You seem to be looking for offence when really you need to probably get some therapy about why you think this way, it's not good and will likely cause more problems with your son and DIL in the future.

MyLittleNest · 11/05/2025 15:10

It's the bride's speech. I think it's beautiful that she has such a close relationship with her mother. This is the woman who raised her since birth and has spent countless special moments with her over decades.

Not sure why you think that you are entitled to the same share of the bride's speech, affection, or gratitude as HER mother or why you think that you were "singled out" for not being given equal page time or a public showing of love.

You are your son's mother, and this was not his speech. Guessing that if he got up and went on and on about his MIL the way you expected his new bride to do for you that you would not have been happy at all. Now THAT would have been hurtful.

Glad you aren't my MIL.