Would this upset you? Mother of Groom

[Weddingspeechsad]

Would you be upset if your son got married and made a speech and thanked both families. Thanks Mum and Dad for everything and brides family for welcoming him into it.

Bride then stands up and does a speech. Thanks both families and grooms parents for welcoming her into their family and being kind. Then does a whole section on her Mum and how much she loves her, how there’s not usually any special moment for mother of the bride in the wedding so special mention for all of the help she’s given.

would you feel upset and singled out as mother of groom? For context I’ve really tried with her, invite them over for lunch and takeaway but always too busy. She is always pleasant enough but quite prickly. Myself and his dad both gave approx £1k each (divorced) towards wedding. Feeling quite hurt but not sure if AIBU.

I also had no father to walk me down the aisle or do a FOTB speech. So I ditched the traditional and my mum walked me down the aisle. If I was good at public speaking then I would have done a similar speech.
She thanked your family for welcoming her. Then she thanked the woman who has raised her alone.
Stop focusing on a non issue and making it about you. Your DIL sounds like a strong woman who has been raised by another strong woman. Don’t be so petty.

I think that may well be OP frantically trying to backpedal since so very few people have agreed with her.

She didn't get the validation she was hoping for and instead has (rightly) had her arse served up to her on a plate.

Op sorry but you're showing typical mil behaviour. You're mad at your dil but not your son. .maybe that's why you didn't get more mention..stop picking on your dil and get on with your own life.

This.

No wonder you don't get on. His shortfall but you somehow make it her fault.

You need to not be this ridiculous or they’ll end up wanting nothing to do with you.

The speeches sound fine. You were thanked by your son and your DIL.

I wouldn't expect a groom to do a gushy speech about his mum, nor would I expect a gushy speech from the bride about her new MIL.

The bride is obviously close to her mum and it was an emotional day for both of them. You can have a good relationship with your son and DIL but it will always be a bit different from a mum and daughter relationship. There's nothing unusual or wrong with that.

Her DS did thank his mum and dad.

The speech was about making a special thank-you for her mother, not about ignoring or excluding you. If her mother raised her practically single-handedly after giving birth as a teenager, that's a unique and powerful relationship.

I think you need to accept that no-one else listening to the speech will have thought it was a slight to you as mother of the groom.

So she thanked you specifically in her speech but that’s not enough? It’s not your DIL’s job to single you out, that would be up to your son, he didn’t do it but you’re blaming your DIL? I think you just don’t like her. If you feel hurt take it up with your son.

I would interpret her statement as meaning because it's normally the father of the bride who takes the focus, rather than the mother of the bride. Which of course didn't happen in her wedding due to him being absent. She isn't obliged to make a speech about mums in general. It's her mum who raised her into the person your son chose to marry, of course that's going to be the focus of her speech.

I can see you've reflected and listened to reason, but please try to be kind to your DIL in future. Your son married her for a reason, and she is his priority now. Don't risk losing them because of perceived slights.

You are being completely unreasonable. Of course her mother is more important to her than you are, they have a history and a huge bond and she was acknowledging that.

Surely that was on your son to mention you that way????

Her mum will always be more special to her than you cuz well she’s her mum?

yabu

It was her mum though. And she obviously has a special connection with her. Also, different families have different ways of expressing themselves. My family are a reserved bunch and don't go in for all the gushing sentimentality. A 'Thanks Mum' said in front of an audience would speak a thousand words. DP's family is all about public shows of love (even though they're at each other's throats the rest of the time.) In fact FIL used SIL's wedding as a platform to tearfully apologise to her sister, at great length, for not attending her wedding because they had fallen out at the time. Everybody thought he was the big self-effacing hero and he loved it. Not very relevant here but it has always bugged me😂

YABU.

It's like you're finding an issue with something that isn't even the slightest issue. She was raised by a single mum and they clearly have a very close relationship which she wanted to share.

It's rather lovely.

Her love and gratitude for her mother, the woman who presumably birthed her, but at least raised her from a small child - will always be more important to her than you will ever be.

I think you should get comfortable with that. Nothing you can do will change that.

But your role is as a MIL. To love and support her in the capacity as her husband’s mother. Advocate for her, support her, and love her in the context of who she is to you.
You can’t be getting jealous of that relationship, as it’s extremely unhealthy. She absolutely wouldn’t have paid tribute to her DM in order to get to you. It was your son’s job to show gratitude to you & his DF. If you don’t feel his speech done your relationship justice, kindly you need take that up with him.

The person who she is upset with (bride), she even said in the Op she thanked her so I’m not sure what her problem is 🤷‍♀️

Isn't that up to your son to do

I think that it’s lovely that she singled out her mum in her speech, especially if the mother had her as a teen single parent. Put yourself in their shoes.

You don’t need to compete. You can have a good relationship but as her mother in law. Work at making that relationship a good one instead of focusing on feeling left out. If they have just recently got married it’s the perfect time.

No, it sounds as though she made a speech which did thank you but of course her mother is going to mean a lot more to her and she doesn't have to try to pretend that her and you are somehow equal to her now. Your DS might have been more gushing about you but that is also entirely up to him and it sounds like he gave a perfectly nice speech too which acknowledged you.

@Weddingspeechsad I was just going to say the same thing as the poster above. The fact she has no relationship with her Dad and her Mother has brought her up on her own, as a single parent, explains a great deal about why your DIL wanted to give her Mum extra thanks. You are very wrong to be jealous

YABVU. Of course her own mother is more important to her than you are, and they have 20+ years of history! If you think your DS should have talked about you more, I suppose you could feel insulted by him, since you seem desperate to be a victim - but that would be ridiculous too (and he probably didn’t know exactly what his bride was going to say).

She did, which I did mention in my previous post too. 😃 OP is being ridiculous.

Good luck to her. Sounds like she's going to need it.

Well done for changing your mind on this. Ofcourse you can't compete with her mother. As her mother can't compete with you in regards to your son. I would work on being warmer towards her because you do seem to not like her much.

So unreasonable here. This isn’t about you. Feel how you want; but your DIL have done NOTHING wrong. She’s actually don’t something lovely and beautiful for her mum, and you’re twisting that into some slight against you. Definitely time for head having a wobble. By all means sit with your feelings on this, look at why it bothers you so much, but recognise - that’s your “stuff”. Please don’t put the responsibility for your feelings on your DIL . This is something you need to work through if it’s upsetting you, and realise her actions were actually nothing to do with you. They were not a comment on how she feels about you, or any kind of slight. She just did a speech where she thanked her mum.