DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower

[Smellthatbbqsmell]

Really doubting myself if i’m being over the top about this.

Dd is 7 and has a friend who comes to stay with her grandparents (young -60’s maybe) who are our neighbours.
Dd often plays with her, Dd has used my phone (with my permission) sometimes to call/message her to see if she wants to play.
Her friend is at the grandparents this weekend and Dd played with her briefly yesterday.

This morning I woke up, checked my messages as always and had Whatsapps from the grandma. It was from this girl sending messages to Dd. This girl had taken a video of the grandma having a wash in the shower (very unflattering, of her bum, washing everywhere etc) you hear the girl laughing and telling her she’s filming her, the grandma asks mid bent over if she’s filming. DD’s friend then sends a voice note laughing saying it’s funny and laughing emojis etc.

I obviously didn’t show Dd, but was pretty shocked and not sure what to do, worried in case she sent the video to others etc and thinking of how embarrassing this must be for the poor grandma.
I decided to text the mum to give her a heads up, these are the replies

Aibu to be a bit baffled that she’s not more upset/angry? Her Dc is almost 6, so still
young, but a bit naughty in lots of other ways

Later the grandma sent a message to me saying thank you for letting them know and to have a nice Sunday, it’s just the mums responses? I’m a v easygoing parent in general, but wouldn’t be happy about this if Dd had done it to my mum or me for example.

I am in another country and know they won’t be on here

Thing is, that's the only snapshot you have of how it's been dealt with. Behind the scenes, they may have been extremely cross with her.
We often have a 'public' face that we use to cover up embarrassment. This could be one of those times.

I did wonder this too, or if she’s embarrassed. Perhaps I shouldn’t have sent the message, just deleted and ignored?

I don't see what's wrong with her response to be honest. She's apologised and said she'll speak to the daughter, it's not as if she's ignoring it.

She’s downplaying it from embarrassment- it doesn’t mean she’s unaware of the issue.

What reply would you expect? It’s not easy to know how to reply, I wouldn’t have thought!

I did wonder this, but almost seemed like I was being over the top messaging her, it was such a bad video though

The accident thing is a bit of a stretch, but I think those are reasonable responses, from a family probably feeling quite embarrassed.

Definitely not an accident, this girl is a bit of a bugger, tries to drive grandmas car, speaks to her very disrespectfully etc

The reply was appropriate, she thanked you, said she'll have words with her child, said it's a childish thing to do (which I believe is true, don't think the girl was malicious, just lacking maturity to think it through).

I might reply making it clear that it's obvious it wasn't an accident from the audio (if you didn't already) but tbh probably best to leave it to them and only clarify further if it comes up again. The child is only 4. Not a deviant, hopefully a strong word is all they need at this stage.

I’d be concerned about the daughter who took that video!

I think you were right to alert them straight away that the girl was sending such videos. As you said above imagine how embarrassing for the grandmother if the video was sent to others.
The mum's reaction is probably down to embarrassment but she's dealing with everything behind the scenes. You weren't being over the top at all to message her, don't worry about that.

I dont see any issue with those messages. She said thanks for letting her know and sorry. The rest if it is just chit chat. Probably making the point that at 6 years old her dd doesn't realise how inappropriate it is which I expect is true.

The reply was fine - probably downplaying out of embarrassment.

I can't quite believe this child is only 6-7, though?! Seems off behaviour for that age. But then again I also think letting them use the phone and whatsapp at that age is not great tbh....

I agree with @birdling, you were right to let the mum know

I did say it wasn’t an accident as she sent a message saying how funny it was
She will be 6 in two months

The sort of situation that arises when you give young children smartphones. Even if it's not theirs.

And one of the reasons so many children have seen porn.

So maybe you need to have a word with yourself.

She’s 5, 6 in summer

With myself? Why?

I think she was embarrassed & her response is completely fine. I would imagine she doesn't want to get drawn into a conversation about it.

The girl knew exactly that the reason she was filming was to cause embarrassment, and she didn’t send it by accident. I would come down like a ton of bricks if it was my child! Bad enough to film someone without their consent to laugh at them, but someone who is undressed is so much worse.
Not sure what you can do other than tell the parents/grandparents as you have done.

I would put an end to the kids using the phone between them.

You gave your 7 old a smartphone and allowed her to use WhatsApp unsupervised.

Be grateful it wasn't worse and be more careful.

Instead of judging 4 year olds and the responses of other adults.

This is why we have always had a bolt on our bathroom door. Bathrooms are private places.

Be prepared for photos/ videos of parents having sex to be circulated !

It definitely wasn’t an accident and I feel exactly the same! No more phone, even though dd had to request to send a message and is next to me and it’s monitored by me.
We had an issue a couple of weeks ago when she sent a voice note to Dd saying awful
things to her because Dd wasn’t in (she was at a birthday party!) I deleted that and didn’t tell Dd. Her grandma apologised to me for that