DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower

[Smellthatbbqsmell]

Really doubting myself if i’m being over the top about this.

Dd is 7 and has a friend who comes to stay with her grandparents (young -60’s maybe) who are our neighbours.
Dd often plays with her, Dd has used my phone (with my permission) sometimes to call/message her to see if she wants to play.
Her friend is at the grandparents this weekend and Dd played with her briefly yesterday.

This morning I woke up, checked my messages as always and had Whatsapps from the grandma. It was from this girl sending messages to Dd. This girl had taken a video of the grandma having a wash in the shower (very unflattering, of her bum, washing everywhere etc) you hear the girl laughing and telling her she’s filming her, the grandma asks mid bent over if she’s filming. DD’s friend then sends a voice note laughing saying it’s funny and laughing emojis etc.

I obviously didn’t show Dd, but was pretty shocked and not sure what to do, worried in case she sent the video to others etc and thinking of how embarrassing this must be for the poor grandma.
I decided to text the mum to give her a heads up, these are the replies

Aibu to be a bit baffled that she’s not more upset/angry? Her Dc is almost 6, so still
young, but a bit naughty in lots of other ways

Later the grandma sent a message to me saying thank you for letting them know and to have a nice Sunday, it’s just the mums responses? I’m a v easygoing parent in general, but wouldn’t be happy about this if Dd had done it to my mum or me for example.

I am in another country and know they won’t be on here

To send the video? I deleted it after the child sent it, I also wouldn’t send it on as i’m sure the grandmother doesn’t even want her daughter in law seeing it either 😬

One child unsupervised in this case

But what did you want her to say? You seem to think you are entitled to something else? Why? and what?

you sent her a casual message telling her about a very embarrassing incident. She sent you a casual message back thanking you for letting her know and saying she will deal with it.

Her behaviour is completely normal and appropriate.

Your sense of entitlement to some kind of insight into her shame is really weird. She’s entitled to privacy and boundaries.

Nah you definitely did the right thing! The mum’s responses do come across a little defensive and strange.

Maybe the DD can do no wrong in her mum’s eyes…. Hence why she is a bit naughty?!

I would be a bit wary of this kid now especially as she seems to be in to recording things and sending them via WhatsApp. My kids have a bit of screen time but have never accessed any social media apps or WhatsApp etc. Maybe the parents and GPs let her have the phone a bit much.

It’s weird that she jumped to saying “it must have been an accident” when the video clearly says the kid is filming her - and she says it’s funny in the message.

Totally fine if the mum said “thanks for letting us know, I’ll have a word! Kids eh?” But jumping to “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT” is strange.

Yes I think as a follow up, that’s the way forward
I’ve told Dd there’s no more messaging with her and that’s that on my end

I’d be stopping this “friendship”!

Well you did the right thing alerting the mum. Now you need to consider whether your kids should be playing together - your comments later make it sound as though this isn’t out of character. I think fizzle out.

What are you on about??? I just think her response is very casual, I tried to put it to her in a nice, casual way as normally I am not a person who sends messages to parents etc, but felt she needed to know
I just thought her response was unusual and it made me question if * I was the one being weird/over the top

Yes defensive, it did feel like she was being a bit defensive or something, but I’m probably reading too much into it

You’ve got it all wrong, you’ve jumped on the OP for things not been said, you can’t read the actual events or ages correctly (4 year olds mentioned nowhere), so just back down.

Yes! I thought that too

Her response to OP was fine. Don't really see what else is needed.

Just googled and the minimum age to use WhatsApp is apparently 13. The children's COMBINED ages just bring them up to that. Nothing in the guidance about 'it's okay to use WhatsApp if your mum is supervising'.

So no WhatsApp, no smartphone at 7 or 5 and there shouldn't be an issue.

Yes I think so too

You should forward the voice note to the mum. Don't delete any future inappropriate voice notes like the horrible one - forward them.

What are you on?

The mum is probably embarrassed, and isn’t going to discuss that with someone she doesn’t know. She, and the gran, will deal with it. She apologised for you getting the video but she doesn’t need to go into details about her child with you.

I'm surprised she had the skills

I agree with others , I’m sure behind the scenes it is being taken more seriously and the mum is probably embarrassed.

It isn’t a massive thing - it is in terms of it shouldn’t be done and it could be a lot worse depending on who it’s sent to - but at that age, there is no malice or anything untoward. She’s innocent and just thinks it’s funny she has seen her grandmas bottom and has shown her friend.

It is however an example of why young children should not have access to mobile phones

You’re right, I wish I had done this at the time, any she sends like that again, I will forward

Yes, thinking about it, Dd knows how to take photos and videos with my phone (often takes them of the dog etc) she wouldn’t know how to then send it on via different message forms I don’t think and would ask me to send to my mum and dad or daddy when he’s at work

The smartphone is OPs, she allowed her DD to use it to text or call her friend. She obviously isn’t left unsupervised if OP saw the message first and DD hasn’t seen it. OP has done nothing wrong here

Yes agree she’s only young and no malice and probably just found it funny

I did mistakenly put 4 instead of 5 and 7. Mea culpa.

However, i would no more give a 7 year old access to whatsapp than a 4 year old.

Not least because it is a over 13 app.

There’s something weird going on in that home. Healthy six year olds don’t leave abusive messages to their friends for not being available. They don’t abuse their grandmothers either. Tf?