DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower

[Smellthatbbqsmell]

Really doubting myself if i’m being over the top about this.

Dd is 7 and has a friend who comes to stay with her grandparents (young -60’s maybe) who are our neighbours.
Dd often plays with her, Dd has used my phone (with my permission) sometimes to call/message her to see if she wants to play.
Her friend is at the grandparents this weekend and Dd played with her briefly yesterday.

This morning I woke up, checked my messages as always and had Whatsapps from the grandma. It was from this girl sending messages to Dd. This girl had taken a video of the grandma having a wash in the shower (very unflattering, of her bum, washing everywhere etc) you hear the girl laughing and telling her she’s filming her, the grandma asks mid bent over if she’s filming. DD’s friend then sends a voice note laughing saying it’s funny and laughing emojis etc.

I obviously didn’t show Dd, but was pretty shocked and not sure what to do, worried in case she sent the video to others etc and thinking of how embarrassing this must be for the poor grandma.
I decided to text the mum to give her a heads up, these are the replies

Aibu to be a bit baffled that she’s not more upset/angry? Her Dc is almost 6, so still
young, but a bit naughty in lots of other ways

Later the grandma sent a message to me saying thank you for letting them know and to have a nice Sunday, it’s just the mums responses? I’m a v easygoing parent in general, but wouldn’t be happy about this if Dd had done it to my mum or me for example.

I am in another country and know they won’t be on here

Reported. Just stop.

Well, that particular Grandma will certainly lock to bathroom door from now on.

Good you told her, hopefully they’re not as casual about it as they seem and she’s getting a proper talking to about how bad it is to film someone like that

At best v naughty, at worst who knows. She could get your daughter into trouble !

Strange response…of course her Dd is not depraved in any way, she’s just a child and would have innocently found it funny.
I do think the mums response was a bit casual as I would feel more strongly about it if my Dd did this

Sounds like she's going to pause for a moment to collect herself, then go absolutely ballistic once she's put the phone down, tbh.

All these young children with smartphones unsupervised is ridiculous there is really no need

I’m kind of shocked that she knows how to use WhatsApp at that age. My ds is 5 and I’ll not be letting him near it. Especially after hearing this. I think the mums responses are appropriate, what else is she supposed to say ? And 6 year olds are childish of course. Even if she did know what she was doing she is far too young to understand the consequences.

Absolutely, shes not obliged to go into detail with you about how she is dealing with it. She's noted it, said its not appropriate, is going to deal with it. Thats all you need to know, you dont manage her parenting.

Personally, I don't think 5 and 7 year olds should be using WhatsApp. There is an age limit on WhatsApp as with all social media. If they want to play together the grown ups should be arranging this, not allowing the girls to message each other on WhatsApp.

I'm sure the 5 year olds parents are taking this very seriously. Sending naked photos and videos is a police matter. Now you have informed the parents, I would delete the video so you don't get into trouble yourself.

Part of the problem is enabling messages to be sent to and from your daughter. They dont need to do that, its not necessary.

You are being completely unreasonable. What do you want her to say? “ Omg that’s the worst thing in the world, I’m so embarrassed, we will all hide in shame, my 6 year old is clearly a maniacal pervert?”

She thanked you for letting her know and is dealing with it.

What is your issue exactly? Do you feel like you are entitled to something more from her? It’s like you want her to be shamed or something? Or what?

What would you have felt more strongly?

Other than, wtf did I give a small child permission to use WhatsApp?

It’s deleted on both sides

Too many people on here are saying rude and stupid things because they obviously haven't read the OP's posts closely enough to accurately understand them.

Please read before arguing. SMH

Spot the Mothers who let their small children use WhatsApp...

My messages

It would be a good idea to send it, so that it could help the mum address it with the daughter.

Yes, but my Dd is supervised and sat with me. She’s never used it before aside from with my parents. This girl started to video chat/send voice notes and yes I allowed Dd to do it back as they both enjoyed it and I was always present with my Dd. She won’t be able to now

I’d be down like a ton of bricks too- and it’d be a long time before that child was allowed anywhere near a Smartphone again.

I think the mother is simply embarrassed by what her child has done and doesn’t want to get into a conversation with you other than other than to say thanks for letting her know and she’ll talk to her child. She doesn’t need to get into any more conversation with you about it than that.

Yes but by doing that you enabled that line and medium of communication. It doesnt matter if you were supervising at your end, you engaged with it. I would have shut it down and said, I will be communicating with your mother, please dont message me as I am Barbara's mother and she doesnt use watsapp.

Ok, so your message is also quite casual (just to let you know....sorry to bother you....x) .

If you want to draw a firmer line, you could message something like: Look, it's clear the girls are too young for this form of communication. Let's arrange playdates via the adults going forward'.

I was surprised how she seems to have downplayed things in the message, yes and it made me question if I was being over the top. After speaking to Dh (normally very laid back) my mum and a friend, they all felt the same as me

Honestly, my kids won't be getting smartphones till they're over 16, but there is some serious projection on this thread.

My family lives abroad and we have a family WA group. My kids never, ever use WA but they know it is a thing and we send Nana and Grandad funny pictures and videos on it. DS doing a silly dance, DD2 smile when she's lost a tooth etc.

They also think willies and bums and poo are funny, cos they're in primary school.

I can imagine accidentally, one time, leaving my phone unlocked and them taking a picture of something. On my phone you only need to tap once to send to a regular contact.

I think this is highly inappropriate behaviour and should be punished. But I don't think it means the little girl is being exposed to anything bad at home. Likely they have a relaxed attitude to nudity which is no bad thing.