DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower

[Smellthatbbqsmell]

Really doubting myself if i’m being over the top about this.

Dd is 7 and has a friend who comes to stay with her grandparents (young -60’s maybe) who are our neighbours.
Dd often plays with her, Dd has used my phone (with my permission) sometimes to call/message her to see if she wants to play.
Her friend is at the grandparents this weekend and Dd played with her briefly yesterday.

This morning I woke up, checked my messages as always and had Whatsapps from the grandma. It was from this girl sending messages to Dd. This girl had taken a video of the grandma having a wash in the shower (very unflattering, of her bum, washing everywhere etc) you hear the girl laughing and telling her she’s filming her, the grandma asks mid bent over if she’s filming. DD’s friend then sends a voice note laughing saying it’s funny and laughing emojis etc.

I obviously didn’t show Dd, but was pretty shocked and not sure what to do, worried in case she sent the video to others etc and thinking of how embarrassing this must be for the poor grandma.
I decided to text the mum to give her a heads up, these are the replies

Aibu to be a bit baffled that she’s not more upset/angry? Her Dc is almost 6, so still
young, but a bit naughty in lots of other ways

Later the grandma sent a message to me saying thank you for letting them know and to have a nice Sunday, it’s just the mums responses? I’m a v easygoing parent in general, but wouldn’t be happy about this if Dd had done it to my mum or me for example.

I am in another country and know they won’t be on here

She’s learning the behaviour from somewhere, or there’s something going on because this isn’t even funny to a healthy child. Showing no empathy at that age is concerning.

I don’t think it’s at all off behaviour, and saying the 6 year old is “abusing” their grandma is totally crazy… I work with (very middle class) kids of a similar age and they learn to mimic adults in taking videos whenever they can get their hands on phones (which may or may not reflect problematically on us as a society - could also just be copying parents taking occasional videos of family events together). And kids always find inappropriate things like nudity and bums funny, and don’t know what is and isn’t appropriate to share with others.

Won’t comment on the drip feeding about the nasty messages sent - if true or relevant that is of course behaviour that needs correction asap

You (and many people on this thread) must not have been around a lot of children haha. Kids inevitably, invariably find bums and bits funny. They also LOVE doing things they’ve seen adults do, like filming with phones, and often get off on that feeling / find it hilarious. Obviously not to say the child doesn’t need to be strongly corrected.

You told the mum and I'm sure the grandma is mortified, the mum will sort it out. There's nothing else for you to do now. I don't know why your so invested. Don't allow your child to play with the child if you don't want to and that's the end of the matter.

Yes, on that day I had several missed video/audio chats, I knew must be her as have never communicated with the grandma like this. I ignored them because Dd was at a party with Dh and I was having some peace. She then sent the awful voice note. I sent a curt reply saying my Dd was not here and was at a party. Her grandma then sent a message apologising

I think the mum may have not realised that the video was made and sent quite deliberately, because you tried to make your message fairly casual. She never saw or heard it. You are worried because you have seen two instances of the child using a phone inappropriately but the mother doesn't have all that information. She may be unaware of her daughter's behaviour or downplaying it to you.

Its normal for 6 year olds to say mean things.

Then adults correct them.

The difference here is that she recorded it and sent it via WhatsApp.

Which is what happens when young children get smart phones and believe they're speaking to other children.

I think what she did, combined with her sending something awful that you got to in time would absolutely mean we would be busy in future.

Sorry OP, but they are far too young for phones and it really does explain how porn is being accidentally accessed by young children.

What that child did was extremely bratty.
I would not want to be around that.

The nasty message to your daughter should have been a heads up though and enough for you.

May have missed it but wasn’t it on the grandma’s WhatsApp? I contact parents regularly and have received quite a few silly or inappropriate messages from kids who have got their hands on their parents’ phones and think they’re doing a genius hilarious thing. I have also received things like videos of parents chewing obliviously, zoomed in to see every bristle of nostril hair…

(Obviously I’m not saying this is good behaviour, and obviously both the meanness and the phone privacy thing has to be addressed, only that it’s not that abnormal at all…. Many parents clutching their pearls here may be surprised to find out what their little angels are capable of getting up to lol)

If true? Not drip feeding at all, just wanted to stick to the details of today’s messages sent first of all

Yes this could be true

I think her response was absolutely reasonable.

She’s acknowledging it shouldn’t have happened but not whipping it up into a drama.

If your intention was just to alert them then it’s job done.

Tbh I’m slightly getting the vibes that you wanted the child to be in more trouble?

Do not send that video otherwise you’re getting yourself into trouble that is actually a crime

op you did the right thing , and are doing the right thing , you handled it perfectly

their message was breezy but they probably are deeply embarrassed and concerned but brushing it off casually as u would do if this was my daughter

id cool this relationship right down and not want my child picking up ideas from this kid

And you let your daughter play with her?

Ok, I understand why you were initially concerned but - could be wrong - just getting some drama mongering / shit stirring vibes from your later posts, like quoting PPs saying the girl abuses her grandma. If you don’t think she’s good company for your child just fizzle out as another PP said, or make sure your kid doesn’t pick up her bad habits. What’s the point of continuing to badmouth the child on the thread with increasing enthusiasm and drip feeds

Six year olds are at an age for testing boundaries, but I don't think they should be using phones, they don't have the maturity of judgment. I would keep your own kid away from WhatsApp and messages generally.

Not sure how/if they will discipline her, that’s not my concern, I was surprised by her response, but as some have said, she didn’t see the video and I was trying to be nice in my messages, perhaps the seriousness of it didn’t come across or that it isn’t indeed serious to her

This is a fair point. Your DD is the same age and it could easily have been her opening up a naked video instead of you. Neither girl is old enough to use a phone themselves even if it’s not their own.

Remind’s me of the Simpsons episode where Bart gets a camera and goes round taking pictures of family in really unflattering situations. It’s the type of thing young kids have been doing for decades but with a smartphone it’s a bit more of a dangerous scenario.

Good point. I’ve been questioning it recently, we tend to get bombarded with her knocking on the door/sending messages to play. Dd begs to play with her, i’m ok with having her here under my supervision and Dh and I have both spoken to Dd about how wrong it is the way she speaks to her grandma. Grandma is very soft with her but that’s not my business

Eh? I haven’t said she abused her grandma at all? She does speak really badly to her, yes, that’s something for them to sort out

I will also say, in my opinion OP is getting unnecessary flak for letting her child see WhatsApp messages and record voice notes while supervised once in a while. It’s the 21st century.

At some point most parents probably let kids do things like sending a thank you voice note or a voice note about something they’re excited about to a relative or even friend (through the mothers’ WhatsApps). I’ve had parents show their kids my praising messages about their kids’ behaviour. And I’ve FaceTimed and messaged (through the parents) my nieces in another country.

But the key is to never let your child be alone with your phone, which OP has been careful about.

That's not even remotely true. So that's spot you, running your smart mouth without having any idea what you're talking about again, isn't it.

My Dd couldn’t have opened it up
as she doesn’t have access to my phone without supervision & asking first. I would have seen any messages first, like I did

You quoted it agreeing… but anyway, whatever. The girl prob deleted the video before parents saw as PP said. I can understand you on that front because I’ve often had to phrase bad behaviour in polite terms and then when the parents seem quite unruffled I wonder if I should’ve just been or should now be super explicit