DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower

[Smellthatbbqsmell]

Really doubting myself if i’m being over the top about this.

Dd is 7 and has a friend who comes to stay with her grandparents (young -60’s maybe) who are our neighbours.
Dd often plays with her, Dd has used my phone (with my permission) sometimes to call/message her to see if she wants to play.
Her friend is at the grandparents this weekend and Dd played with her briefly yesterday.

This morning I woke up, checked my messages as always and had Whatsapps from the grandma. It was from this girl sending messages to Dd. This girl had taken a video of the grandma having a wash in the shower (very unflattering, of her bum, washing everywhere etc) you hear the girl laughing and telling her she’s filming her, the grandma asks mid bent over if she’s filming. DD’s friend then sends a voice note laughing saying it’s funny and laughing emojis etc.

I obviously didn’t show Dd, but was pretty shocked and not sure what to do, worried in case she sent the video to others etc and thinking of how embarrassing this must be for the poor grandma.
I decided to text the mum to give her a heads up, these are the replies

Aibu to be a bit baffled that she’s not more upset/angry? Her Dc is almost 6, so still
young, but a bit naughty in lots of other ways

Later the grandma sent a message to me saying thank you for letting them know and to have a nice Sunday, it’s just the mums responses? I’m a v easygoing parent in general, but wouldn’t be happy about this if Dd had done it to my mum or me for example.

I am in another country and know they won’t be on here

Gosh can 5 years olds really type and use what's app? Scary world we are in.

First of all, she’s 5 and 6 in summer.

Secondly, where have I ever said I gave my Dd my smartphone unsupervised??
This girl sent my Dd messages and facetimed her a while ago (was all ok and innocent) so I allowed Dd to reply with my permission, sat with me and messages monitored by me. I’ve done exactly zero wrong in this circumstance. She won’t be allowed to use it now at all

In what way? Just v naughty?

That’s what I was confused about? Is she playing it down or believes her Dd wouldn’t do that. Dh thinks it’s all v strange

Our child never has unsupervised access to my phone

Your OP says 7.

Your subsequent post says the neighbour sent an unpleasant voice note. Not that innocent.

And you still allowed your 5 year old to use the smartphone.

What's the minimum age for whatsapp?

But sure, make it all about the 4 year old next door.

Voice notes & emojis

I'm not sure what you are expecting? The parent apologised and told you she is going to speak to her DD. I don't see what else she could say. Even if she was to take it further than talking and was to enforce consequences that's none of your business, I wouldn't be sharing details of how I will manage my child's behaviour and I wouldn't be interested in someone else sharing the details of how they manage their child with me.

I am shocked that a 5 year old can video, type and send messages! She must have a lot of access to smartphones to be capable of doing this.

Are you ok??

My Dd is 7, this child is 5 and 6 in summer

Dd never used the phone without me present

I'm not sure where pp are getting 4 years old from? OP is clear that 1) OPs daughter is 7 and does not have unsupervised access to a phone. 2) daughter 's friend is 5 rising 6 and clearly does have access to a phone with at least only partial supervision.

Facetime and voice notes, we’ve not had a typed message ever from her, not sure if she could. Dd could but doesn’t

OP's daughter is 7. The neighbour's granddaughter is 5, almost 6. I agree both too young to be using WhatsApp but OP has assumed the younger child was as closely supervised as her girl.

Thank you! my god 🙈

Exactly 💓

You need to read all of op's posts again, you've misunderstood all of them.

You’re determined to make the OP the villain and wilfully keep changing the ages of the children to fit your vile narrative.

The only person on here who needs to take a hard look at themselves is YOU!

It Is 100% right that you told the Mum and grandma. Bloody hell, the poor grandma. Though she would have seen that it had been sent if it was from her phone?

The 5 year old wouldn’t really know how very wrong this is. At that age I remember us all being obsessed with people being ‘bare’ and finding it funny.

Which is exactly why none of them should be able to get their hands on smart phones.

I agree they are probably downplaying it due to embarrassment, but I would have said ‘rest assured we will be talking to her about privacy and not allowing her to get grandmas phone again’” but I would be very wary of your Dd playing at her house.

I think you have handled it well. I think the mother's response is OK. I would also tell grandmother that your DD won't have access to your phone or WhatsApp again so that any messaging between the girls has to go through adults.

Are you ok? What do you want here? To demonise the 5 year old?

I look at it this way as well, it's awful what this girl has done.

I really hope that the mum of this girl is taking it seriously and her messages to the OP are just to cover up her embarrassment. I hope it's not the case that she really doesn't see the problem here.

I'd be swerving that child from now on, and letting the 'friendship' die.

OP -will you allow them to still play together?
'

The villain? Is there a villain here?

I see 2 adults who have mistakenly allowed small children to use WhatsApp.

It's all gone pear shaped but instead of owning it, the op wants to point the finger.

I would assume she’s mortified and massively downplaying. You haven’t shared your side of the convo, Did you send her the video? So she knows it wasn’t my mistake?
I’d leave it now - you were right to mention and I would safely assume it won’t happen again. I might withdraw a little from this kid though!

I think they’re playing down the embarrassment to save face. At least I hope they are or else they’re going to have some very troublesome times ahead.