DD’s friend sent video of her grandma having a shower

[Smellthatbbqsmell]

Really doubting myself if i’m being over the top about this.

Dd is 7 and has a friend who comes to stay with her grandparents (young -60’s maybe) who are our neighbours.
Dd often plays with her, Dd has used my phone (with my permission) sometimes to call/message her to see if she wants to play.
Her friend is at the grandparents this weekend and Dd played with her briefly yesterday.

This morning I woke up, checked my messages as always and had Whatsapps from the grandma. It was from this girl sending messages to Dd. This girl had taken a video of the grandma having a wash in the shower (very unflattering, of her bum, washing everywhere etc) you hear the girl laughing and telling her she’s filming her, the grandma asks mid bent over if she’s filming. DD’s friend then sends a voice note laughing saying it’s funny and laughing emojis etc.

I obviously didn’t show Dd, but was pretty shocked and not sure what to do, worried in case she sent the video to others etc and thinking of how embarrassing this must be for the poor grandma.
I decided to text the mum to give her a heads up, these are the replies

Aibu to be a bit baffled that she’s not more upset/angry? Her Dc is almost 6, so still
young, but a bit naughty in lots of other ways

Later the grandma sent a message to me saying thank you for letting them know and to have a nice Sunday, it’s just the mums responses? I’m a v easygoing parent in general, but wouldn’t be happy about this if Dd had done it to my mum or me for example.

I am in another country and know they won’t be on here

Oh dear, this child seems very problematic and I wouldn’t want my child spending any time with her.

I didn’t realise giving such very young children access to smart phones was a thing but this highlights just how problematic it is.

Those replies from the mum seem normal to me. There's no hint that they are angry or annoyed that you told them or feel like you overreacted or wasted their time; it sounds like they will address it seriously with the daughter but also want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

No children that young should have access enough to a phone to be able to or know how to send videos or voice notes. Far too much unsupervised phone use.

You would not be unreasonable to put a stop to this child playing with your daughter, but you are being unreasonable by concerning yourself with how another family disciplines their child.

I guess the accident part was her way fo dealing with embarrassment (and potnrtila denial). I've had to contact parents of a hobby group due to incidences. Quite a few reactions have been worryingly underwhelming but all you can do is hope that they are handling it.

There are teens and adults still getting into trouble for using smartphones inappropriately. Sometimes with serious consequences.

Hand a smartphone to a nearly 6 or 7 year old and don't be surprised that this happens.

The family responded proportionately to the incident. Job done. Don’t make a fuss

OP hasn’t handed a smart phone to a 6 or 7 year old, though. You appear to be blaming her for something she hasn’t actually done.

Thing is, that's the only snapshot you have of how it's been dealt with. Behind the scenes, they may have been extremely cross with her.
We often have a 'public' face that we use to cover up embarrassment. This could be one of those times
I was going to post the same thoughts.

Yes she would have seen but it didn’t show ‘Last seen’ until much later and the video had been deleted at that point too, so if I would have left it and not messaged the mum, she may not have realised the whole day (depending on how often she goes on Whatsapp)
Dh was saying imagine if she’d sent it to other contacts on the phone-work contacts etc 😬
If it was me, i’d be so embarrassed as the grandmother

Exactly this.

I’d wonder where the five-year-old got the idea from? Maybe she’s seen other so-called ‘funny’ videos.

Quite honestly I think you’re being OTT. The family apologised and said daughter would be dealt with. That’s that. It’s done. What I can’t understand is why you’re allowing messages to continue when there has been several incidents already. Your dd is 7 - there are other ways to call on a 5 year old to see if she’s coming out to play.

I’ve done nothing wrong! My child does not use my phone without my supervision, she is also allowed to FaceTime her grandparents using whatsapp and send them messages/voice notes. It’s all under my supervision, I see nothing wrong with that. I’m not demonising the girl, she’s just a child, I don’t like the situation though

I felt uncomfortable to send on a video of the grandmother, I will get my messages, just need to block out names etc

You were definitely right to contact them but I wouldn’t want my kid hanging out with that kid and I would put a stop to it. You need to be the adult and protect your child, which you have been doing in fairness - but allowing further contact isn’t in your interests. She is at best overly-precocious but the worrying part is that she doesn’t seem to know right from wrong at all - that makes her extremely likely to be a bad influence and potentially dangerous when there is a lack of supervision.

The mother's reply to you was very telling and I think we know now why her kid already has rather alarming behavior issues. (I see from your other posts that this incident is no one-time fluke). This is the kind of parent who hears their kid threw a rock through a neighbor's window and replies that the window shouldn't have been there. Totally unreasonable.

I understand the mother being embarrassed and wanting to minimize the incident. But her reply sounds immature and dishonest. Instead of accepting that her young child clearly misbehaved, she's lecturing you, as if you're just too stupid to see that it was obviously an accident, with her daughter not knowing what she was doing. But that's not true at all, is it.

I'd expect this kid's behavior problems to only continue and get worse, since her mother seems to prefer making up ridiculous excuses and "shoot the messenger" rather than disciplining her. It's just got "major dysfunction" written all over it.

I'd find a different playmate for your daughter, to be honest. Good luck with it.

What are you going on about?????

there is nothing wrong with OP allowing her daughter to send a message to her friend asking if she can come to play, very different from giving her child free reign to do anything she wants on the internet or social media and you’re just making shit up now with 4 heads old etc.

@Smellthatbbqsmell don’t bother engaging with this poster, obviously a troll with too much time on his or her hands.

Insane responses 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gabriella Montez is the mother in question. 😂

I thought this too, my Dd can do silly things, they’re just kids after all, but just cannot imagine her filming me or my mum and sending it, i’d be so cross if she did that to my mum

@Smellthatbbqsmell i think their response is fine probably because they are embarrassed and we don’t know what they are doing behind the scenes but I will question if you should allow your daughter continue to be friends with this girl. If it was one off ok but you mentioned when she sent mean messages to your daughter as well and what happens if she takes compromising videos or pics of your daughter at some point?

Her parents don’t seem to have control over her and that’s not your issue, you e called it out and it’s on them to deal wit it but you need to protect your daughter here. Maybe limit their playing or have them play supervised.

If this was my five year old I would be having a chat with her about how serious this is. A total ban on phones would be a natural consequence but I would be clear that the fault was mine for letting her use a phone. I would also be asking if anyone has ever filmed her in the shower.

But you have done the right thing and nothing more you can do. How her parents and grandparents handle this is up to them.

I won’t be now, there was one other incident recently, Dd didn’t see that message and they hadn’t messaged since, until she sent one todsy

I just don't get what it is you want them to say?
They thank you for telling them.
They say the child was being naughty. Ie not a fully developed paedo knowing exactly the adult ramifications of what they were doing.
They are going to explain why what she did was wrong.
They've missed out an apology for what your daughter saw I agree.

But can you explain to us what you think they should gave said cos atm I'm imagining what you want is.
Thank you for revealing what a disturbed and depraved piece of work our daughter is.
Grandma is so unhappy she will never leave the house again and show herself in public
We no longer love our daughter and will only feed her gruel, remove all devices and toys and condemn her to a miserable life for ever.