MIL trying on my engagement ring

[Onering]

Strained relationship. Recently got engaged. I took the engagement ring off for a second since I was doing gardening, came back to find MIL wearing my ring saying how pretty it is. She had been going on about how much she liked it before but to put it on without my permission seems invasive.

She wore it and put it to the light to see the diamond sparkle and commented on how nice it looked.

Aibu about being annoyed from this? Maybe my rocky relationship with her is skewering this for me. My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

I think it’s fine to find this irritating (I would if I didn’t like her) but a little over dramatic to say the ring is now tainted.

YANBU to be annoyed that she just went and tried it without asking…YABU and weird to say it’s “tainted”

@Upsetbetty I believe in bad karma/energy. So if someone I have had bad times with tries on something that is of high significance to me, I then feel it's got negative connotations.

I think your relationship with your MIL is clouding this for you. I agree it’s an odd thing to do, but to allow yourself to feel that this ring, which the person you love bought for you as a sign of his or her love for you, is now tainted is completely in your power to feel or not feel. I would go with not feeling that.

Congratulations on your engagement.

@Ddakji thanks. I just think it's another classic example of MIL being overbearing and taking control. She is like this with me and our DC. Very imposing and lots of issues with crossing boundaries. I kind of saw it as a slight and statement like 'oh I can do this without asking your permission and I know that'.

Ok well your mind is made up so why are you asking if YABU?

The love from your fiance is far too powerful for it to be diluted by your MIL trying on the ring for a short time. Any taint will be swept aside by the love you have for each other.

Does that help?

My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

Kindly - I do think that’s a bit OTT. Someone else will most likely have tried on the ring in the shop before you etc etc. I’ve generally known people to ask “ooh - can I try on your ring?” and it’s arguably a little cheeky not to have asked you - but I don’t think it’s a big deal. She was admiring it, basically. I think you’re making more out of it than you should.

Abit OTT but it's obviously connected to how you feel about your MIL. Give the ring a wash to remove "negative energy" and forget about it.

Please don't let this take away from the lovely feelings you have about your engagement, 💕💍

@Upsetbetty because I know my personal feelings could be affecting my perspective on this. Just interested to see others. Of course that doesn't mean I can control my feelings or change it, but I can try to rationalise with myself if it's clearly a me problem.

Your being ridiculous

She loved your ring and you are not happy? Wait while she does not like something.🤔

It does feel invasive to try it on without asking and when you weren’t there. I think you need to move on from it though.

Another time, you’re probably better to keep it on. If it’s gold/platinum/silver and diamond/other precious or semi precious stone then you’re more likely to lose it than damage it. Different if it’s pearl or opal.

The “negative energy” thing is just your perception. No person has the power to imbue a ring with energy. And karma isn’t a thing either.

Run it through the dishwasher and it will take care the bad karma away.

How old are you, OP? Sorry, but life is full of enough real bullshit to add all this fake bullshit on top. I’d dispel all this karma/energy nonsense, and start focusing on the tangible things in life. Insisting that an object is ‘tainted’ with negative energy is so tiring.

Stick to the real issue and make steps to solve it – you don’t like your MIL. Why? Start there.

If you already feel like this about your future MIL I think you are likely to have more serious battles ahead than her trying on your ring without permission.

YANBU, that would piss me off.
She hasn’t tainted your ring, don’t let your mind tell you that.
If you have a strained relationship, it may have been something she’s done on purpose so rise above it, don’t give her the satisfaction. Your fiancé chose that for you, he put way more love and energy into it than your MIL could take away.

Ok so listen to what people are saying…me included…kindly YABU and OTT. I’m

I believe in karma/bad energy too (I think most people do, we just call it by different names! Feelings, consequences etc).

You can’t choose not to feel what you feel (that would be head over heart and isn’t real). But you can choose to allow how you feel in your body and work with it. You’re angry about your MIL overstepping, you’ve every right to be. How are you going to honour your anger and process that energy?

I’d have a calm chat with MIL as soon as these kinds of things happen - explain she’s overstepping (this is not an objective thing - it’s all about how you feel it’s right for her to act and not act around you) and assert yourself by telling her what you want in future. Tell her you don’t want her to touch your personal things without asking.

@WimpoleHat I guess my thoughts are if our was relationship good then it would have been harmless. But we aren't really like that. So I've taken it as another act of over stepping rather than oh she must just really like it.

Personally even if I liked someone's engagement/wedding ring I would never think to put it on my own finger! But maybes that's just me...

I'm not sure why you have such strong feelings about an inanimate object being touched, but wonder if you can use your woo side to fix the issue. Could you waft some incense over it? Wrap it in blue silk and bury it for a night?

More importantly, why are you getting engaged if your relationship is rocky? Marriage won't fix that, it'll just leave you both poorer. Work on how to fix your relationship or split up, don't marry someone when there are already problems.

Edited to add - like others, I wouldn't like it especially without being asked, but would shrug it off very quickly.

Also this, from personal experience relationships with MILs get worse with marriage and children. You’re in for a rough ride if you can’t get to the bottom of this now!

In line with your beliefs are you able to perform an energy clearing ritual? Place the ring in some soil or better still a pot plant for energy cleansing? There's a full moon Monday night, you could use that for cleansing. Smoke, salt, running water also help.

Your intention is also powerful so hold your ring and charge it with your intention to restore it back to you.

You might not be able to control your initial feelings but you are able to reframe and control your subsequent thoughts.