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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL trying on my engagement ring

290 replies

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:38

Strained relationship. Recently got engaged. I took the engagement ring off for a second since I was doing gardening, came back to find MIL wearing my ring saying how pretty it is. She had been going on about how much she liked it before but to put it on without my permission seems invasive.

She wore it and put it to the light to see the diamond sparkle and commented on how nice it looked.

Aibu about being annoyed from this? Maybe my rocky relationship with her is skewering this for me. My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

OP posts:
Shatteredallthetimelately · 11/05/2025 11:22

I'd be more pissed off if she tried on the wedding ring too.

Doggielove2 · 11/05/2025 11:22

Onering · 11/05/2025 11:17

@Doggielove2 there is definitely something to be said about the Frued thing. Mil has a very very close relationship with dp and is very over protective of him. He is her baby still.

Ah interesting - yes they are the man they can never have!! Made worse if their Real husband relationship isn’t good

i wonder if to you this all about her over stepping and doing it with an object that is probably symbolic to you as sacred about you two alone - a union of you two - WITHOUT HER and somehow do you feel she was trying to “get in on it”? Make a statement?

someone pushing boundaries about them imposing their needs on us

like people have said you can heal it but part of that is it’s ok to feel the pain first

Hankunamatata · 11/05/2025 11:22

I think your looking for negativity that isn't there.

legsekeven · 11/05/2025 11:22

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:58

@GRex 🤣 I will try that and the dishwasher idea!

As I said, if it were someone who I am very close and have a good relationship it wouldnt really be an issue I guess?

But me and MIL aren't that close.

I imagine likening it to if you had a colleague at work that you are civil with since you see most the time and have lots in common, but has been mean to you and you dislike. If you found them trying on your engagement ring would you be happy? How would you interpret that? Just an innocent try on or done to get to you?

100% genuinely would not bother me. It’s a piece of jewellery. There are enough things in life to get upset about without creating problems.

BelfastBard · 11/05/2025 11:23

This wouldn’t really bother me. If I walked in and she was trying on my bra, maybe. But a ring? No.

Original poster
Onering · 11/05/2025 11:23

@Hankunamatata the difference being those were your FRIENDS

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 11/05/2025 11:24

She is an over-stepping CF. I would be really pissed off with that too op. However you know she is like this and won’t change so it’s just one of the joys of dealing with irritating relatives of loved ones, lol. And don’t leave your ring lying around again!

GlidingSquirrels · 11/05/2025 11:25

Surely by this logic your partner is far more tainted from having grown inside her for 9 months? I'm sure a ring sitting on her finger for a minute won't do anything to it 😂

thepariscrimefiles · 11/05/2025 11:26

Onering · 11/05/2025 10:52

@WimpoleHat I guess my thoughts are if our was relationship good then it would have been harmless. But we aren't really like that. So I've taken it as another act of over stepping rather than oh she must just really like it.

Personally even if I liked someone's engagement/wedding ring I would never think to put it on my own finger! But maybes that's just me...

Edited

She was rude and entitled to try on your engagement ring without asking. It seems quite a provocative thing to do. It sounds as though this is just the tip of the iceberg with your MIL's behaviour towards you. Is your DH supportive or does he take his mum's side?

LoveWine123 · 11/05/2025 11:27

BelfastBard · 11/05/2025 11:23

This wouldn’t really bother me. If I walked in and she was trying on my bra, maybe. But a ring? No.

I just had visions of my MIL trying on my bra 🤣🤣🤣

holliway · 11/05/2025 11:27

Would you feel the same way if your own mother had tried it on and complimented its beauty?

Calmdownpeople · 11/05/2025 11:28

Holy cow. This actually takes the cake. So just to be clear.

  1. Your MIL was being positive and admiring your ring which you took off and left (by itself) in the house.
  2. You reacted negatively based on your feelings of your relationships.

You took your ring off so it’s not like it’s cemented to you.

Geez OP get a grip. It’s a ring. An object. It isn’t living. She didn’t harm it.

This is a measure over reaction - tainted - are you for real?

You are in for a seriously rough road through wedding, marriage and children if this is your complete overreaction to something so ridiculous. You sound like seriously hard work.

Calmdownpeople · 11/05/2025 11:28

GlidingSquirrels · 11/05/2025 11:25

Surely by this logic your partner is far more tainted from having grown inside her for 9 months? I'm sure a ring sitting on her finger for a minute won't do anything to it 😂

OMG best response ever.

FridayNight1975 · 11/05/2025 11:29

but you don’t know if someone with bad vibes tried it on at the jewellers before you.

Waterbaby41 · 11/05/2025 11:29

She's not your MIL and won't be till/if you marry. Put your energy into making this relationship work not this nonsense.

Hankunamatata · 11/05/2025 11:30

Onering · 11/05/2025 11:23

@Hankunamatata the difference being those were your FRIENDS

Actually some work colleagues that I'm not overly fond of but if they wanted to admire my gorgeous ring given by my lovely now hubby then I couldn't care less if they tried it on. It's my ring leading to my bright future

SlagPit · 11/05/2025 11:30

You're being ridiculous. It's a circle of metal. There's no such thing as karma.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 11/05/2025 11:30

She tried on your ring, not your underwear. You need to chill and stop wasting your energy trying to be offended.

Gymnopedie · 11/05/2025 11:30

Onering · 11/05/2025 11:17

@Doggielove2 there is definitely something to be said about the Frued thing. Mil has a very very close relationship with dp and is very over protective of him. He is her baby still.

Have you had a proper talk with DP and discussed how you're going to manage this in future? Because as PP say, it isn't going to get better. And when you get married she may be even worse. It would be (to her) the proof that you've stolen her son from her.

As I said, I'm not trying to blow up my relationship with mil or make a mountain out of a molehill. Im trying to heal it for everyone's sake.

I think that's a nice and quite generous thing for you to want to do. What are you doing to try to make that happen? But you can't heal the relationship on your own. She has to want to do the same and it doesn't sound like that's her style. You've said she's like this with everyone, you're not a one-off.

You need to be on the same page with DP about this and you need to know he has your back. Writing it off as 'that's just how she is' is a bad sign. You have to set boundaries and he has to be on board.

gavisconismyfriend · 11/05/2025 11:31

In a sense, if you let this bother you she has “won”. Focus on how much lovelier it looks on you, how special you are that your partner chose such a beautiful ring for you, the symbolism that it represents when it is on your finger etc. rather than letting her take up your headspace and creating negative thoughts about it.

EstherGreenwood63 · 11/05/2025 11:33

🤣

Overtheatlantic · 11/05/2025 11:35

I get it. It’s like when animals mark their territory. She’s made a power play, but all you have to do is metaphorically throw the ball right back to her. If you believe in energy then read up on the martial arts that deal with energy as a defense. You can block energy, grab energy, redirect energy, move away from energy. It’s fascinating stuff, and will allow you to maintain your power.

DoNotIron · 11/05/2025 11:37

I'm not overly keen on my MIL and might be vaguely irritated if she tried on my ring, but I think your reaction is utterly ludicrous. If she had tried on your knickers, then you might have a point. But it's a bloody ring. Bit of a clean with an antibacterial wipe if you're worried about germs or whatever. Then get on with your life. Jeez.

Aliflowers · 11/05/2025 11:37

Well I’m Irish so it’s tradition that other females try on your ring and make a wish. It’s thought to bring the newly engaged couple good luck. Pure crock of shite but I had loads of people make a wish on mine. Still married so don’t think karma got us too bad

Think your being a bit precious to think of it as tainted

Newusername12349 · 11/05/2025 11:39

At first I was going to say you’re being silly, but I like my MIL so I imagined someone who I didn’t like trying on my ring and it boiled my piss.

Your ring isn’t tainted though. She may well have done it because she knew it would annoy you, so don’t let it bug you.