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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH and MIL blindsided me with weekend away - was I wrong to kick off

338 replies

BeccaBoo9 · 09/05/2025 20:47

I gave birth a few months ago (first time Mum) and have found it extremely challenging but rewarding too. It has strained mine and DH’s relationship slightly in terms of the sleepless nights but we expected that and no one has crossed the line in terms of comments.

There has been little to no intimacy since the birth mainly due to me, DH is still up for it but I’ve told him I need some time to build up my confidence again.

One thing I’ve always been clear on to DH is that I don’t feel ready to leave our DC with someone else overnight yet.

Last Saturday, his MIL turned up at ours out of the blue. She told me she’d booked DH and I a night away at a country hotel and that she’d look after our DC. She said it was only a 30 minute drive so we were still relatively close by.

I really didn’t want to go but felt awkward to decline and pressurised into going. We packed and set off, I told DH I felt uncomfortable and that if I didn’t feel up to staying after the meal, I’d want to go home without staying.

When we checked in, DH told me he had got me a present and had a bag behind his back. In this was a skimpy outfit and he said it was for me to wear that night. Now he knows that has never been my thing and the outfit in question was at least a size too small, there’s no way I’d have got in to it (irrelevant as I didn’t feel comfortable).

Anyway, we ended up coming home after the meal as I was a mess and my MIL looked extremely unimpressed when we turned up.

We’ve had several rows about it this week, I’ve really had a go at him for going behind my back and doing this. He called me an ungrateful cow earlier and stormed out so I don’t have a clue where he is now (the pub, probably)

OP posts:
Knittedfairies2 · 09/05/2025 20:48

Your husband and his mother are idiots.

candycane222 · 09/05/2025 20:49

Book him something he doesn't want (crochet lessons? A full body wax?) and call him an ungrateful bastard when he turns it down.

candycane222 · 09/05/2025 20:49

And no, you are not being unreasonable..They are though. So clumsy.

MummytoE · 09/05/2025 20:49

I would be livid. How dare they!? It seems his priority was getting his leg over rather than giving you a break. Sorry you had to deal with this xx

Takeoutyourhen · 09/05/2025 20:50

Surely not another post about a new father running to their mummy as they aren’t getting any from their postpartum partner!
He has zero respect for you and neither does his mum.

delurked · 09/05/2025 20:50

Yuck. He wanted a shag so roped his mum in and emotionally pressured you into spending a night away from your young baby then presented you with an outfit to be worn for his pleasure and behaved like a dick when you decided you wanted to be home with your baby not performing sexual favours for him in a hotel. What a prick.

Octavia64 · 09/05/2025 20:50

Yeah he’s a dick.

sorry.

mintich · 09/05/2025 20:51

You aren't on the wrong at all. I would hate to feel pressured like this!

Ellepff · 09/05/2025 20:51

So when my first was about 2 months old my parents made me go out for ice cream with now dh and leave baby with them. I cried half of that 45 min outing because my hormones were not ready for it. At 4 months my husband and I were going to run an errand without baby and he started crying before we left the driveway and we came home.

You’re at the right point for a meal away and you did it, it was brave and I’m proud of you. Your MIL and DH are stupid

Moveoverdarlin · 09/05/2025 20:51

This would infuriate me.

sprigatito · 09/05/2025 20:51

What the hell were you supposed to be grateful for? None of this was for your benefit. MIL wanted to play Mummy with your baby, and H wanted to dress you up like a sex doll and have a dirty weekend whether you felt up to it or not.

They are both revolting, and you are not unreasonable to be hurt and angry. Don’t let them bamboozle you into thinking any of this is your fault.

TheMVPSTurningmyheartbeatup · 09/05/2025 20:52

It's not the same mil and husband that went lingerie shopping for the dw is it.
Don't know how to put up link to the thread I'm referring to.

Pinkelephant66 · 09/05/2025 20:52

are you the same person whose MIL tried to take underwear shopping… to ‘treat’ the husband i.e her son?

BeccaBoo9 · 09/05/2025 20:53

Pinkelephant66 · 09/05/2025 20:52

are you the same person whose MIL tried to take underwear shopping… to ‘treat’ the husband i.e her son?

No that’s not me

OP posts:
Iwilladmit · 09/05/2025 20:53

Ellepff · 09/05/2025 20:51

So when my first was about 2 months old my parents made me go out for ice cream with now dh and leave baby with them. I cried half of that 45 min outing because my hormones were not ready for it. At 4 months my husband and I were going to run an errand without baby and he started crying before we left the driveway and we came home.

You’re at the right point for a meal away and you did it, it was brave and I’m proud of you. Your MIL and DH are stupid

Why is it the “right point”?
surely the right time to leave a baby is when a parent feels ready to, not when someone (anyone) else decides it’s time.

Pinkelephant66 · 09/05/2025 20:54

BeccaBoo9 · 09/05/2025 20:53

No that’s not me

Wow. Unfortunately there is another poor woman out there like you. Men are just grim sometimes

Justwingingit2005 · 09/05/2025 20:56

A meal out - nice idea
A weekend away when you weren't ready - not a nice idea

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/05/2025 20:57

@TheMVPSTurningmyheartbeatup and @Pinkelephant66 please tell me you’re both joking?

Ellepff · 09/05/2025 20:58

Iwilladmit · 09/05/2025 20:53

Why is it the “right point”?
surely the right time to leave a baby is when a parent feels ready to, not when someone (anyone) else decides it’s time.

It isn’t a mandatory right point…just saying that in my non expert opinion a meal out is plenty to aim for. And I’m assuming MIL and DH are guilting her for not staying. Mostly, like everyone on the internet I am projecting based on my life and trying to be supportive.

OP very big apologies if I fell short of supportive

LoveIndubitably · 09/05/2025 21:01

candycane222 · 09/05/2025 20:49

Book him something he doesn't want (crochet lessons? A full body wax?) and call him an ungrateful bastard when he turns it down.

This. Please actually do this (or tell him you have).
He's either stupid beyond belief for not understanding, or vile to be pushing you into things he knows you don't want.

Aria2015 · 09/05/2025 21:01

Jees your dh had been very selfish here. What planet is he from to think this would be a good idea? Resuming your sex life and leaving your baby for the first time are probably two of the biggest challenges most new mums face and he threw both at you in one go with zero consideration to how that would make you feel. He was thinking solely with his d*ck and to call you ungrateful is a joke!

Snugglemonkey · 09/05/2025 21:02

candycane222 · 09/05/2025 20:49

Book him something he doesn't want (crochet lessons? A full body wax?) and call him an ungrateful bastard when he turns it down.

This is a great idea. The full body wax. Clearly something someone should consent to.....

How fucking dare he with the outfit. I am not at all sure I would ever have sex with him again. And his mother is almost as bad, if she knew it was foisted on you without your consent.

*edited because I rage typed and I wanted to fix the typos!

TheMVPSTurningmyheartbeatup · 09/05/2025 21:03

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/05/2025 20:57

@TheMVPSTurningmyheartbeatup and @Pinkelephant66 please tell me you’re both joking?

No unfortunately not

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 09/05/2025 21:03

candycane222 · 09/05/2025 20:49

Book him something he doesn't want (crochet lessons? A full body wax?) and call him an ungrateful bastard when he turns it down.

This is brilliant! I love this suggestion

HollyBerryz · 09/05/2025 21:04

Are you the same poster whose dh got their mum to take them shopping and tried to make them buy sexy underwear?