DH and MIL blindsided me with weekend away - was I wrong to kick off

[BeccaBoo9]

I gave birth a few months ago (first time Mum) and have found it extremely challenging but rewarding too. It has strained mine and DH’s relationship slightly in terms of the sleepless nights but we expected that and no one has crossed the line in terms of comments.

There has been little to no intimacy since the birth mainly due to me, DH is still up for it but I’ve told him I need some time to build up my confidence again.

One thing I’ve always been clear on to DH is that I don’t feel ready to leave our DC with someone else overnight yet.

Last Saturday, his MIL turned up at ours out of the blue. She told me she’d booked DH and I a night away at a country hotel and that she’d look after our DC. She said it was only a 30 minute drive so we were still relatively close by.

I really didn’t want to go but felt awkward to decline and pressurised into going. We packed and set off, I told DH I felt uncomfortable and that if I didn’t feel up to staying after the meal, I’d want to go home without staying.

When we checked in, DH told me he had got me a present and had a bag behind his back. In this was a skimpy outfit and he said it was for me to wear that night. Now he knows that has never been my thing and the outfit in question was at least a size too small, there’s no way I’d have got in to it (irrelevant as I didn’t feel comfortable).

Anyway, we ended up coming home after the meal as I was a mess and my MIL looked extremely unimpressed when we turned up.

We’ve had several rows about it this week, I’ve really had a go at him for going behind my back and doing this. He called me an ungrateful cow earlier and stormed out so I don’t have a clue where he is now (the pub, probably)

Agree. Don’t worry that she’s pushed a human being out of her vagina that still looks like it’s done 10 rounds with Tyson Fury, she’s barely slept for months and her life is completely consumed with keeping a tiny human alive - she should be doing her womanly duty to get her knickers off for her sulking husband regardless of how absolutely knackered she feels

Won’t someone think of the poor men and their hard done by dicks.

Its like Andrew Tate has joined this thread ffs

I genuinely think there is something wrong with your moral compass if that is what you believe. So after a difficult birth or cancer treatment or a devastating life event such as a bereavement, if a woman doesn't go straight back to having regular sex, her husband is perfectly entitled to sleep with other women?

If these husbands are so selfish and have such a lack of empathy, they should do their wives a favour and end the marriage, leaving their wives free to find a kind and supportive partner without such hideous views

Your attitude and beliefs are what has lead to the most disgusting and mediocre men believing that sex with women, even unwilling women, is a human right and they will use rape, sexual assault, coercion and blackmail to do this.

I promise you we aren't all like that! Male perspective here, but with two under 2's (admittedly a little older now). I couldn't even imagine how that could be a mans priority. My wife's mental and physical health is top of the list along with my kids getting the care and support they need. I will be the first to hold my hand up and say that my wife does more than me for the kids, although I do try and do as much as I can.

But even with what I do I am exhausted 99% of the time, I cant even imagine how she feels so getting a bit of sexy time is a million miles down the list!

To be absolutely clear, a woman ‘withholding’ sex because she’s just had a baby IS NOT EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Guilting, pressuring or forcing your wife into sex when she doesn’t want to is. No matter how much sex you’ve had before or how ‘compatible ’ you may have been. I would say the same if a man had a physical or physiological reason for abstaining.

Yes, serious reasons are good reasons. But ask anyone who’s experienced narcissistic abuse -holding sex and affection is very common and it can even be sadistic

i don’t think op is doing it deliberately but being aware of others pain, not only yourself, is how a non narcissistic person would think. As for a mood disorder this makes people hyper auto focus to the point where they believe they’re a victim and everyone is wrong

Ok but there are people who feel energized by sex and it can be a stress relief

It’s fine that you are not one of those people but there are many who feel differently. They deserve to be heard instead of shamed

I’ve reported your posts as verging on abusive to a vulnerable woman.
Stop posting your incel rubbish.
You are repeatedly implying that women owe men sex and you are completely wrong and dangerous.

So to summarise for all the new folks reading this thread....
OP's hubby has been....
A PROPER CUNT.

THATS IT REALLY.

JFC she’s not withholding sex as control or abuse - she’s had a baby ffs

It’s nothing to do with your previous narcissistic relationship which is completely blinding you to the facts here

You must be on a wind up because no one can possibly be this obtuse

Op please don’t listen to any of Isabellivi’s posts. They are obviously a troll as they’ve bombarded and derailed the thread with their endless incel rubbish. Admin have deleted one post I reported but baffling have left the other very similar posts.
But as you can see, no one else agrees with them.
You absolutely do not owe your husband sex. He has behaved appallingly and I hope you are okay

Please go and post this utter drivel somewhere more appropriate, such as an Andrew Tate appreciation thread. You've come pretty close to accusing OP of narcissistic abuse towards her utter cunt of a husband. The fact that you are on his side with no empathy and understanding for the post-partum OP has shown us all what sort of person you are and it really isn't pretty.

Yes and this is why the husband could’ve and should’ve had a sensitive discussion about his needs rather than totally ignore hers. The husband is being shamed for elevating his sexual needs above the needs of his wife (a vulnerable woman) and his newborn child. You seem to repeatedly ignore the context of this issue which enables you to feel justified in putting the blame on the OP. Please stop doing this.

And I don’t care how energised sex feels for an individual or how therapeutic it is if comes about through force or guilt or any other form of abuse. You mention narcissism - I would say the husband who can’t empathise with his 5 week post partum wife is way closer to that definition than a woman who hasn’t has sex for 5 weeks because she’s been through a lot physically and mentally.

I hope you take your posts being reported by other members of the group and deleted by admin as a chance to reflect.