DH and MIL blindsided me with weekend away - was I wrong to kick off

[BeccaBoo9]

I gave birth a few months ago (first time Mum) and have found it extremely challenging but rewarding too. It has strained mine and DH’s relationship slightly in terms of the sleepless nights but we expected that and no one has crossed the line in terms of comments.

There has been little to no intimacy since the birth mainly due to me, DH is still up for it but I’ve told him I need some time to build up my confidence again.

One thing I’ve always been clear on to DH is that I don’t feel ready to leave our DC with someone else overnight yet.

Last Saturday, his MIL turned up at ours out of the blue. She told me she’d booked DH and I a night away at a country hotel and that she’d look after our DC. She said it was only a 30 minute drive so we were still relatively close by.

I really didn’t want to go but felt awkward to decline and pressurised into going. We packed and set off, I told DH I felt uncomfortable and that if I didn’t feel up to staying after the meal, I’d want to go home without staying.

When we checked in, DH told me he had got me a present and had a bag behind his back. In this was a skimpy outfit and he said it was for me to wear that night. Now he knows that has never been my thing and the outfit in question was at least a size too small, there’s no way I’d have got in to it (irrelevant as I didn’t feel comfortable).

Anyway, we ended up coming home after the meal as I was a mess and my MIL looked extremely unimpressed when we turned up.

We’ve had several rows about it this week, I’ve really had a go at him for going behind my back and doing this. He called me an ungrateful cow earlier and stormed out so I don’t have a clue where he is now (the pub, probably)

I agree.

Ugh , gives me the ick.. look after only yourself , it’s all new, emotional and overwhelming having a baby - the last thing you want to be doing is a frigging striptease in a hotel room ffs xx 😘

I don’t understand people like this. Sex isn’t THAT important that it’s worth potentially ruining your marriage over. Does he have form for being manipulative and controlling?

You don’t even need to ask if you are being unreasonable, OP. This post was grim. I think it is grounds for divorce

Me too. See a divorce lawyer @BeccaBoo9 .

Given that he's the one who already wants to resume the sexual side of your relationship, why was he buying you a tacky outfit?

Shouldn't he have been buying himself a sexy outfit, in order to seduce you?

Hope you're OK OP. You're doing a wonderful job, it's a very very hard time for a first time mum. Do not feel pressured to have sex, it's still very early days.

I hope you have some support from elsewhere. Let him sulk. You and baby are what's most important.

If my husband did this, I'd be leaving him (or kicking him out - he would probably be happier living with Mummy). What an utter cockwomble

Congratulations on your baby! I took ages to make love again because I’d had a bad birth, close to dying. If DH had even once pressured me, despite the steam coming out of his ears sometimes, it would have taken a whole lot longer. The idea that he’d rope his MOTHER in to getting his needs satisfied, and then name calling like that for not being ready to start the whole pregnancy risk again would have me beyond raging. At best they were clumsy and terribly selfish and pushy. But name calling like that is a real issue. I’d get mum on your side if you think she’s human, explain how you’re devoted to the baby. If she’s the cause of your husband’s narcissism, stay well clear and ask him how much sex he’d want if a bowling ball had just come out the end of his penis. Offer to arrange this happening if he’s not sufficiently sympathetic.

One of the first times I've been speechless on MM in years.

I cannot believe he is trying to retain any moral high ground for prising you away from your baby against your will and trying to dress you up to his liking for sex when he knows you don't want any of that.

It's jaw dropping how selfish he has been. Imagine how cared for you'd have felt if he'd just cooked you dinner, ran you a bath and bought you some new pjs and body lotion. But no, sex for him is a higher priority than trying to care for the mother of his child, whose body and mind has undergone a thousand changes to give him the family he was all in for starting.

What a taker he is.

I think marriage counseling would be the best way forward. Your husband seems like he seriously lacks sensitivity and thinking of anyone but himself, and that's even before bringing his mommy in for reinforcement behind your back.

He simply has a lot to learn and instead of listening, now he calls you names and stomps out, leaving you to worry about where he is.

Very poor behavior and he just keeps at it. Good for you for putting your foot down. His mommy needs to stay home and mind her own business.

This!!

So selfish and I don’t even have the words. The thought he’s made his mother involved (I pray she didn’t know his motive) but he sounds like his needs come before anything else.

To say nothing of the thought of your Dh discussing your sex life with his mother. That's utterly grim and would be the end for me. What the f was he thinking? 😩

I was trying to think of a similar thread I read recently that sounded like this one …

He'll be lucky if you ever look at him again.
I would be packing up and going to visit family.
His obvious discussion of your private relationship would give me a permanent ick.

I wouldn’t be happy with that.

Even though I went back to work full time when my eldest was 20 weeks old. WTAF was I thinking.

I mean... being pressurised into servicing someone's peen pretty sexy in itself. But he even went to the length of getting his mother involved. Not sure how you managed to resist!

Why can't these men just have a wank? It's hardly rocket science.

Congratulations on your new baby btw OP.

What is wrong with people?

A grown man discussing his sex life with mummy. Cooking up a plan together to get his post-partum wife back in the mood. And he is comparing his DW to his ex.

Oh dear, oh dear. You have a DH alright@BeccaBoo9- a DickHead living in your house.

I would be having very stern words. Then I would tell him that I would be going this stay with my own family for a few days, with the baby, so that I could be looked after while I think about what I want from the relationship.

First post nails it

So your DH wants a shag and he’s dressed it up as ‘a treat for you’

Pair of muppets

I’m actually speechless.

Your husband is a cunt.

I don't normally like this phrase, but I've got massive ick for you that your husband was talking to his mum about your sex life and they planned this together behind your back. What a turn off!

So sorry OP.
The pair of them are idiots.

JFC that is gross, him talking to his mother about their sex life is bad enough but the MIL taking her shopping for sexy underwear is too hideous for words. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t ever have had sex with him again on that basis.

Everyone is different and it’s grim to compare you to his ex.

I had an emergency section and it took me months before I wanted my DH anywhere near me

One of my friends said she was desperate for sex within a few days of giving birth and fell pregnant within a few weeks - there’s 10 months between her DC.

But regardless of anything, a grown man and his mum making a secret plan to get him a shag with his unsuspecting new mum wife is just 🤢

This

He a selfish knob. Sorry you're having to deal with all while caring for a newborn.

Everyone is different and it’s grim to compare you to his ex.
Imagine if you compared him to an ex.