Couple ejects Sister-in-law’s mother from wedding

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am still kind of reeling/mulling on something I witnessed at the weekend.

About 8 years ago we went to the wedding of DH’s second cousin who was the groom. I distinctly remember the bride’s mother, a really lovely woman who went round making everyone feel welcome. No expense was spared, I think this is relevant but while my husband was fairly appalled at what happened he doesn’t think it’s relevant.

This couple now have a two year old and this groom’s brother got married at the weekend and previous groom was one of two best men.

My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited. Anyway even though we live in the city we stayed in the hotel for the weekend and so did the first couple and their little girl and her mother came along to care for the child while they were at the wedding.

After the wedding breakfast the mother and little girl were spotted in the grounds, my MiL and a few others went to see the little girl. Someone employed by the hotel kind of went over and tried to usher them inside and directed the grandma to a play area.

After first dance the groom’s sister in law disappeared and the brother came down with his mother-in-law who wished the couple well and she was given a drink by father of groom. The bride was eyeing staff and then another suited employee ushered the old lady out.

Sister-in-law then reappeared and told her husband what had happened, the brother and sister-in-law of the groom were outraged that her mother wasn’t allowed to join the wedding in the evening and left.

Mother of groom cried to my MiL and other cousins the next day.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

Reads to me like groom's SIL was upset that her dd (the groom's only neice) wasn't invited. So instead of making arrangements for her own mother to look after the child at home, nearby, the SIL arranged for her child and her mother to be at the venue.

If so, that is just wrong. The child wasn't invited, the SIL's mother wasn't invited. There must have been other ways in which the SIL could have managed the situation. She could have gone home early if she needed to put the child to bed. She must have known that having her child present would deflect some other guests from parts of the wedding (so they could see the child).

I'm an older person, I don't really get all the bridezilla stuff, but if I was the bride/groom in that situation I'd be furious. SIL and her husband were well out of order.

therefore entitled to use the grounds and play area.

We dont know this. Looks like grounds were for the private and sole use of wedding party, so MIL and DGC had to be escorted away to a public play area for use of other guests. If it was public grounds available to guests its my inkling that her type 😉- would have stood her ground....

I had to read this 3 times but I think I have got it now.
Yes it is very rude to have your child and their Granny wandering around the hotel grounds next to the wedding. Granny should have looked after the child at her house. There was a thread on here a week or so ago where one couple was planning to do this with their dog who wasn’t invited.

My understanding is that the Groom’s niece wasn’t invited, so his brother and sister-in-law invited her granny to stay in thr hotel as childcare. After the main festivities were over, the groom’s father saw her and invited her over for a drink. The newly weds had her evicted as if she was a scrounging tramp. Unbelievably poor manners.

If I were getting married and my sister brought her MIL down to congratulate me whilst my BIL was giving her a break from minding my niece I would not have her escorted out. Seems very weird and extreme! Unless there is some massive backstory where her MIL had behaved terribly.

"I don't really get all the bridezilla stuff, but if I was the bride/groom in that situation I'd be furious. SIL and her husband were well out of order."

"Guestzilla" behaviour.

There's always one in every family causing drama before, during and after following a 'perceived slight'.

It was manipulative to have the MIL and DD strolling the grounds and then crashing the evening do ..... followed by the whole dramatic flouncing off from the wedding and no doubt being being the source of bitching and gossip amongst guests and extended family - as well as causing family upset before the wedding. Sounds like a right pantomine and they made total fools of themselves.

I am with you. In my Asian family, this kind of behaviour, kicking out a relative, would be unimaginable. Then again, close family would not have been excluded in the first place.

Just as well it wasn’t you then.

I can easily think of something worse. For example, refusing to accept the wishes of the couple at their own wedding, and trying your luck anyway. They created this situation and their own distress.

I’m sorry I simply can’t follow who did what to whom

Gosh, what a coincidence.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5314812-crashed-a-wedding-brunch-with-son-evicted-by-sister-in-law

I don’t know why you’re solely blaming the SIL here. It was the groom’s brother’s child as well, and it was the groom’s brother who brought the MIL down while the SIL was up in the room with the toddler (settling her to sleep I assume).

In our culture - all of our siblings, their partners and all their children are invited. As are our siblings in laws.

Just wanted to check.... accordingly to many posters, as long as I know a weddings happening...(or any private event!) I can turn up, force mine and others attendance, and if the people whose event it is, who are actually paying for it, aren't happy with uninvited strangers attending, and being paid for..... they're the awful ones?!

Don’t be disingenuous.

If you’re upstairs in the hotel babysitting a toddler to allow the parents to attend the wedding, and the mum comes up to get the toddler to sleep, and you’ve met the wedding party before, most people probably wouldn’t begrudge you being brought in by the best man to pop in and say congrats. And then going back upstairs when the mum comes down, which is what presumably would have happened here.

You can’t control other people’s behaviour, but you can control your own. It’s important to be able to maintain integrity ing good manners regardless of irritations.

How is it disingenuous? Neither she nor the child was invited, but still she attended with them!

If it is then I totally agree with it you don't turn up uninvited that is the point of invitations isn't it? Otherwise people would stick an ad in the paper

If this isn't what happened i am confused what did

Don’t be disingenuous.

If you receive an invite to a child free wedding but cause "upset" to the B&G in the run up to their wedding because you disagree about how they spend their own money and implement their own preferences for their once in a lifetime special day......

And after being told "No" - you get your DM to crash the grounds and distract other guetss with your DD until she is escorted off......

And then you send her down with your DH to drink and mingle with invited guests crashing the evening do until she is escorted off again

And then you kick off and flounce off dramatically from the wedding reception and pack up from the hotel ..... because by now you have been told "No" - at least 3 times.....

And then you bitch and gossip about the B & G to extended family and friends for days afterwards....

Nothing the bride and groom did ran anathema to that.

Unless you’re using ‘integrity and good manners’ as a euphemism for ‘rolling over and giving in’. It’s very convenient that the onus for that isn’t being placed on those actually being unreasonable.

I don't get why 3 other kids (babies in arms or older teens maybe?) were invited but not the grooms nephew (and best mans son). Surely you don't get much of a closer DC to the wedding couple! To me it seems a bit of an overreaction to escort the extra guest MIL away after 1 glass of champagne. I'm not sure I would have even noticed this issue at my wedding by that point in the day.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think a 2 or 3 year old would be the worse age to have at a wedding. They are too old to just nap in a pram. They won’t sit still and will be running around.
Babes in arms are usually fine and so are older children.

If it was after the meal and wasn't costing the bride and groom anything, turfing them out was just mean.

People get far too precious about their weddings.

An aunt and uncle of mine once took a wrong turn in a large hotel and ended up attending the after party at a wrong wedding. A great time was had by all; aunt and uncle were always reliably the life and soul of the party and were missed from the hooley they were supposed to be at.

I’d rather be inclusive than not. As long as the kid didn’t enter the party, what harm did it do to give her sitter (a pleasant and gracious older woman) a break and a drink?

People are so incredibly precious and stingy.