Couple ejects Sister-in-law’s mother from wedding

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am still kind of reeling/mulling on something I witnessed at the weekend.

About 8 years ago we went to the wedding of DH’s second cousin who was the groom. I distinctly remember the bride’s mother, a really lovely woman who went round making everyone feel welcome. No expense was spared, I think this is relevant but while my husband was fairly appalled at what happened he doesn’t think it’s relevant.

This couple now have a two year old and this groom’s brother got married at the weekend and previous groom was one of two best men.

My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited. Anyway even though we live in the city we stayed in the hotel for the weekend and so did the first couple and their little girl and her mother came along to care for the child while they were at the wedding.

After the wedding breakfast the mother and little girl were spotted in the grounds, my MiL and a few others went to see the little girl. Someone employed by the hotel kind of went over and tried to usher them inside and directed the grandma to a play area.

After first dance the groom’s sister in law disappeared and the brother came down with his mother-in-law who wished the couple well and she was given a drink by father of groom. The bride was eyeing staff and then another suited employee ushered the old lady out.

Sister-in-law then reappeared and told her husband what had happened, the brother and sister-in-law of the groom were outraged that her mother wasn’t allowed to join the wedding in the evening and left.

Mother of groom cried to my MiL and other cousins the next day.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

The bride must be thrilled that her wedding isn't being remembered for the wonderful flowers, exquisite harpist or dazzling smiles. Instead, everyone is talking about an unwanted gatecrasher and the tears that followed.

Presumably the parents of the toddler advised the bridal couple that the little girl was staying in the hotel and would be minded by the gran? Surely some sort of 'ground rules' were agreed upon at that time? Gran and toddler's parents have overstepped here.

I don't understand the B&G's actions here, but not my wedding so it's up to them.

Totally understand why the MIL and DD would go to the hotel - the DD is 2, probably not ready to spend the night away from her parents yet, MIL is looking after her. Were they supposed to stay cooped up in the hotel room the whole time? I can't see any issue with them going for a stroll around the grounds, especially when they'd reasonably assume everyone would be indoors during the wedding breakfast. Ditto for the MIL coming down to wish the couple well - she wasn't rocking up to steal all the attention; she was probably giving her DIL some space and quiet to get the DD off to sleep! It all seems totally reasonable to me.

That being said, during our wedding reception we had the wedding coordinator approach us and ask very politely if a couple who were staying at the hotel could see the function rooms set up for a wedding. We basically dragged these total strangers in and loaded them up with buffet food 🤣 so I'm not the strictest on wedding guest lists!

The uninvited guest could have socialised with relatives in the public part of the hotel? If you're not invited you don't go, why was she babysitting the child in the hotel anyway? Surely best to do that at home, or for one of the parents to stay at home if not possible. Very awkward for the bride and groom. And annoying.

Why aren't the bride and groom just enjoying their amazing day? They sound v precious

I also would have asked for her to be removed. Why couldn't the 2 year old stay with granny at her own house? Why did they need to be at the wedding venue at all?

yup, I saw it too. I smell a rat here.

Oh, goodie - Gatecrasher at Wedding posts now.

Where were the grandmother and the two year old? Were they actually crashing the wedding or were they just being guests enjoying the hotel amenities? Did the hotel actually shuffle them away from simply being near the wedding because the bride was offended by the sight of a child? That is what it sounds like in the description.

Having someone wait outside the wedding with your uninvited child is a common solution to childfree weddings where mother and child are not quite ready to be separated for a long period for whatever reason. If the couple was offended by this solution, they are completely out of line.

The grandmother briefly swapping places with the daughter is a trickier issue. It’s not like she added to the numbers and it’s not like she brought a child along. She simply made a quick appearance while the mother was elsewhere. I would guess breastfeeding or putting the child to bed. A gracious host could have handled the situation exactly as the father of the groom did, with an offering of a drink. It might not have been a completely proper thing to do, but making a scene is worse.

I clearly spend waaaay too much time on MN because like PP this sounds like another attempt by a previous poster to garner a more sympathetic selection of responses by deploying the 'poor old granny' this time, instead of herself.

As awkward and as unpleasant this undoubtedly was for this lady, she wasn't invited. It's the height of entitlement and rudeness to show up to a wedding you weren't invited to! What was she thinking?

Confusing OP.

Im on team MIL. I’d of popped down to say hello on my babysitting break too. It’d of felt slightly rude not to. Quick drink, if offered, then back to little one.

I had a gatecrasher at my wedding who I just left alone to enjoy themselves; I just let it go because my new father in law invited them, and he was very much of the opinion "I'm in the wedding party, and it's an evening buffet so what does it matter". I totally let it go, because it was just one face in the crowd, and it was so much more important not to argue or make some one feel unwelcome. However it did rankle because we'd had to pay per head, and there were so many people I wanted there who I hadn't been able to invite. If the hotel had charged extra for her, or stipulated she needed to go, I absolutely would have had the staff do it because it was my wedding day! So as the bride, I would let it go where possible, but if I was an uninvited guest, even if someone in the wedding party asked me in, I would stay away.

This.

Fine for her to be in hotel grounds with the child - she is a guest at the hotel.

If I was the bride, I wouldn't have had a problem with her popping in to pass on congratulations and have a drink while her daughter had switched out to look after child for a bit. But perhaps the hotel staff may have been looking out for "additional headcount" as the venue and catering was for a fixed number of people.
She wasn't an invited guest so I would have expected her to leave after a brief greeting/one drink

How certain are you that it was the bride (& groom) who kicked the MIL out rather than the hotel staff?

I genuinely do not understand why people would want to attend a wedding at all?
they cost often hundreds of pounds for the guest in accommodation, gift to cover each persons cost of meal at least, taxis, travel, sometimes drinks, outfits.
id be happier not to be invited to someone’s ’look at us’ day

The brother and sister-in-law live a short drive from the venue as do we and like us decided to stay in the hotel. I don’t know why the decision was made to bring sister-in-law’s mother and baby to the venue rather than leave them at home. Obviously I am not privy to that.

The mother-in-law is probably early to mid seventies and seems very fit. I have now met her three times and she seems charming.

I do not believe that she tried to get into the reception when she was walking in the grounds.

The sister -in-law went up to be with her daughter. This was after the first dance and after the cutting of the cake. Brother then brings his uninvited mother-in-law into the reception and the father of the groom gave her some champagne. The bride and groom spoke to her and then circulated and I then witnessed. a manager almost unobtrusively escort her out.

Sister-in-law then came down to speak to her husband and they had a quick word with his dad and they all left the hotel.

The mother of the groom was apparently crying the next day to my MiL and her other cousins.

To be honest while this groom is closer to DH I do think the couple have a right to be a bit upset.

I am not an AI bot.

The hotel was not for the exclusive use of the wedding and there were three kids in the wedding party.

I wonder if the brothers’ relationship will recover.

How old was the woman? You say 'old lady' but she might only be in her 50s.

I was thinking this - it’s the same !

The mother of the groom was apparently crying the next day to my MiL and her other cousins.

Say what now? The mother of the groom was crying because her other son's mother-in-law, who wasn't invited, came down and joined the reception for a while in the evening before being asked to leave?

Why would that make her cry? Did she think the babysitting gran should have been included? or excluded?

Obviously the babysitting gran should NOT have come down "to wish them well". That's a clear attempt at getting a break from the hotel room and a drink at a party you aren't invited to. If they wanted her well-wishes, they'd have invited her. Of she could have sent a card.

She could have taken the child out to a park for the day or anything. She wasn't confined to Kid Jail. She had the playground and facilities to use.

I think she just wanted a quick nose around because she was left out and bored.

I thought this thread was weird the first time I read it a few weeks back.

Still weird.

Not just weird, but incapable of comprehension.

I didn't understand the thread last time it was posted, and I still don't understand it. There are too many people all vaguely related to one another.

🤣🤣🤣

Yes, I thought I'd stumbled onto an ancestry site! 😳🤣

When the bride said, "Who do you think you are??"

I expect Davina and the crew popped out from behind the wedding cake 👀🤣