Couple ejects Sister-in-law’s mother from wedding

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am still kind of reeling/mulling on something I witnessed at the weekend.

About 8 years ago we went to the wedding of DH’s second cousin who was the groom. I distinctly remember the bride’s mother, a really lovely woman who went round making everyone feel welcome. No expense was spared, I think this is relevant but while my husband was fairly appalled at what happened he doesn’t think it’s relevant.

This couple now have a two year old and this groom’s brother got married at the weekend and previous groom was one of two best men.

My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited. Anyway even though we live in the city we stayed in the hotel for the weekend and so did the first couple and their little girl and her mother came along to care for the child while they were at the wedding.

After the wedding breakfast the mother and little girl were spotted in the grounds, my MiL and a few others went to see the little girl. Someone employed by the hotel kind of went over and tried to usher them inside and directed the grandma to a play area.

After first dance the groom’s sister in law disappeared and the brother came down with his mother-in-law who wished the couple well and she was given a drink by father of groom. The bride was eyeing staff and then another suited employee ushered the old lady out.

Sister-in-law then reappeared and told her husband what had happened, the brother and sister-in-law of the groom were outraged that her mother wasn’t allowed to join the wedding in the evening and left.

Mother of groom cried to my MiL and other cousins the next day.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

Honestly, who cares if they're there? 🤷‍♀️. It's not as if they were gatecrashing the meal.

I've never understood child free weddings and never will. Surely you go with your loved ones and if you happen to have kids, they go too.

8 years ago though? I mean…that’s a long time to still be upset enough about this to make a post

No, eight years ago is when OP first saw Gate Crashing Old Lady at another wedding. THIS wedding only took place at the weekend.

I think the MIL was treated appallingly.

Bride and groom seem very precious.

Regardless of what happened they could have sorted it out afterwards instead they got security to chuck out the grooms- brother's mother in law.

Haven't we already had this thread?

Parking threads require a diagram. Wedding dramatics should come with a family tree, centred on the bride and groom, clearly marking the main characters, the injured parties, and whose perspective the story is from.

I mean it is rude to go to an event that’s invite only without an invite.

I wonder is this also a family clash. Where one side does the whole invite mils and fils of their adult child to other children’s wedding were as say the brides side don’t do that.

To me it would be alien to invite dh’s sisters in-laws to our wedding. As they are people we don’t know and are not family either in that sense where as some people would.

Yeah, that’s what I thought?

I have never posted about this at all. The wedding was last week,

The problem is with the cheeky fuckers, not the people who, rightfully, refuse to give into them.

It reads like they disliked the fact the wedding was childfree, so tried to force the issue on the actual day thinking that no one would challenge them. Because, you know, what they want at the wedding is obviously way more important than the wishes of the actual couple getting married(!)

it IS very similar to one posted weeks ago OP, not sure if you saw that one...

However, taking this as true, my verdict.

They should have left the DD at home with MIL, noy bought them both to the hotel.

The morning issues was ridiculous, but the issue was created by the family going over in the middle of the wedding breakfast, they should have ignored them.

The other issue was the best man shouldn't have bought his uninvited MIL who was bought to baby sit, to the reception. HE created THAT problem,

Ultimately though, i have the same opinion as i did on the other thread.. the Bride & Groom need to unclench.

She probably shouldn’t have been so uptight about such a non event and escalated it then.

At our wedding, I was doing the rounds and my sister was standing talking to a bloke I didn’t know. She introduced me to him, he was a business associate of hers who happened to be staying at the hotel, and their paths had crossed in the corridor. She invited him in to the function room for a drink and a catch up. It didn’t occur to me to be annoyed by it, I told him to help himself to the buffet if he was hungry. Nobody went without, we had paid for a certain number of guests but there was still food left over.

Op said above she is early 70s

Yeah, they were trying to make a point. If they'd lived miles away then yes, it makes sense for the MiL and daughter to travel too. But they didn't. And there was absolutely no need to the MiL to be 'in the grounds'. Very manipulative.

Would I have booted them out? Probably not, but not because doing so was in any way unreasonable. This is firmly on the couple/MiL.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

This is irrelevant because it wasn’t your wedding. They are free to walk around the grounds but shouldn’t have attempted to go anywhere near the wedding. They were not invited so it’s incredibly rude to try gain entry. What if every guest had an in law waiting in their room for them, should they all be allowed in free of charge?

Who asked them to leave? I’m confused because it seems like she was offered a drink and then ejected.

It is weird for her to be lurking around the venue and it seems like she was almost hoping to be seen and invited over.

I don’t think the parents of the child have any right to be pissy about them being stopped from sneaking their child in uninvited.

The other thread was from the pov of the gatecrasher

The grandmother and child were paying guests therefore entitled to use the grounds and play area.

Everything else was instigated by others (guests going over to say hello, child's father encouraging grandmother to congratulate the bride and groom, bride's father plying her with drink).

She could surely only have stayed for as long as it took for mum to feed the child and put her to bed, so why manhandle her out?

Was the MIL staying in the hotel that was also the wedding venue to babysit, that enabled the couple to actually attend the wedding? Whilst Mum goes off to attend to the child the MIL gets offered a drink. Presumably she was only down for a while so if that was the scenario it would have been polite to offer her a drink

OP was this an Indian wedding? From the crying of the MIL to her sisters, this could only be in an Indian wedding. If yes then I agree with you, it would have been disrespectful to not invite the MIL of the grooms brother to stay after she had been spotted and had a drink with the couple. But if this is not an Indian wedding, then whilst it’s still not polite, she should known better than to be spotted near the wedding as western culture is very particular when it comes to weddings and invites! (In Indian culture a wedding is to celebrate families coming together, in western culture it’s all about the bride and groom playing king and queen for a day).

She wasn't invited and shouldn't have entered the reception even if someone that wasn't the bride or groom offered.

You do love a wedding thread OP, so I'm surprised you missed the one from the other week.

Where does it say they sneaked the child in? Wasn't she being put to bed?

This. Is it really the end of the world for a couple to be nice at their wedding rather than cause all kinds of crazy upset for absolutely no reason. No one would have died if the "gatecrasher" and the niece had stayed

No child wedding so they bring elderly mil to look after child. Mil pops down at end (after the meal) when child’s mother is prob putting it to bed. She’s actually given a drink by the parents of the bride/groom and then thrown out by the bride?! Bride is a selfish witch in my opinion…. But then I know most mumsnetters no longer consider a wedding a joyful family centric event and see it more of an insta opportunity.

Sorry yes, I meant earlier when the MIL was hanging around the grounds with her.

Later was worse as the completely unrelated MIL joined the party.