Couple ejects Sister-in-law’s mother from wedding

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am still kind of reeling/mulling on something I witnessed at the weekend.

About 8 years ago we went to the wedding of DH’s second cousin who was the groom. I distinctly remember the bride’s mother, a really lovely woman who went round making everyone feel welcome. No expense was spared, I think this is relevant but while my husband was fairly appalled at what happened he doesn’t think it’s relevant.

This couple now have a two year old and this groom’s brother got married at the weekend and previous groom was one of two best men.

My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited. Anyway even though we live in the city we stayed in the hotel for the weekend and so did the first couple and their little girl and her mother came along to care for the child while they were at the wedding.

After the wedding breakfast the mother and little girl were spotted in the grounds, my MiL and a few others went to see the little girl. Someone employed by the hotel kind of went over and tried to usher them inside and directed the grandma to a play area.

After first dance the groom’s sister in law disappeared and the brother came down with his mother-in-law who wished the couple well and she was given a drink by father of groom. The bride was eyeing staff and then another suited employee ushered the old lady out.

Sister-in-law then reappeared and told her husband what had happened, the brother and sister-in-law of the groom were outraged that her mother wasn’t allowed to join the wedding in the evening and left.

Mother of groom cried to my MiL and other cousins the next day.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

God, this is such a tedious argument. Not wanting kids there does not mean it’s for the photos or the insta reels.

I'm thinking it might be the same one with a few details changed. It really is very similar!!

It's not fair to the couple or the venue staff to ask extra people into a wedding reception who aren't invited and haven't been paid for. Risk breaching someone's insurance or incurring extra charges that the couple haven't reckoned with.

It's tricky when you have small children who aren't invited, and it might have been better for only the related member of the couple to attend, or for the family party to have stayed at a different nearby B&B so they weren't on-site. Having the child so nearby but not part of the party was bound to be awkward.

This. Cfery at its finest isn’t it I wouldn’t dare.

God, this is really really simple.

If a person isn't invited to a wedding they shouldn't go. Not to eat breakfast with the guests the following morning, not to sneak in during the evening for a drink.

To do otherwise is manipulative and interfering and grasping. There is a reason they weren't invited. People should have the good manners to accept that.

To be fair, it was (bizarrely) the mother of the groom who was crying about it. Not the MIL who was looking after the child. I’m not sure why the mother of the groom was crying about the situation with her other son’s MIL.

Am I understanding rightly that there were 3 children in this wedding but the grooms neice wasn't invited? If so there is clearly a lot more going on behind the scenes here and probably bad feeling on both sides. It sounds like the bride was ott stopping people going to a public area to see the girl, but the parents are clearly making a point by bringing the daughter and mil with them to the hotel when they live close by anyway (different if they had to travel).

I can't imagine not inviting a niece or nephew to a wedding if other children are there - they are usually the exception (if there is one) to no child rules. So the best man and wife were probably understandably annoyed, but then the bride and groom were understandably annoyed they made such a point about it by having daughter and mil hanging round.

No one comes out if this well.

Having had a look through the OP's other threads, I feel that she should preface them all with her extended family tree.

Because absolutely none of them make sense.

Too many different characters for me to have a clue who was who in what happened 🤣

Try reading her other threads.
🤣

"My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited."

This detail is critical context.

Before the wedding there was already toxicity from the SIL and grooms brother - assume this went on for at least the 6 weeks (since invites went out) as they were unable to accept that the B&G get to have the wedding they paid for and desire (ie child free) - why would any rational person be upset about how other people choose to spend their money and their preferences. Assume the upset was because SIL and grooms brother voiced this to wider family and B&G otherwise they would have kept it to themselves and you would not have known via your MIL and DH.

This is v poor behaviour to cause upset before a wedding by SIL and brother of the groom.

It is then appalling behaviour given this hostile context for the SIL and brother of the groom to take the MIL into the wedding reception.

And worse again once the boundary was called out to be 'out-raged' and flounce off from the wedding reception.

They are a despicable pair causing drama before and during the wedding of their brother.

I confess to being totally confused by the first post. All I could really gather that someone's MIL was sent out of the reception because she didn't have an invitation, because she was babysitting for her grandchild who wasn't invited there. Other than that I have no idea who is/was who 😂Not clear either WHO actually requested she be escorted out!!

And why was the Groom's Mother crying about it next day? #confused.com

Was she refused entry to the breakfast buffet then entered via the lawns and snaffled her and the kid a sausage?

It was the groom’s brother’s child and MIL that are involved.

She is not a family member of neither the bride nor groom.

I agree as a guest if the hotel she could obviously go into any public areas of the hotel but she should not have entered any area that was reserved for the private event in the same way any other hotel guest should not.

Her daughter and SIL chose to have her there to babysit rather than ask her to babysit their child in their or her home which is fine but imposing her on the wedding couple was in no way acceptable

I guess it's her 2 sons who are potentially falling out over this, and her granddaughter who was excluded from her son's wedding despite other children being invited, so she may feel a bit caught in the middle.... Also if I understand correctly her husband who offered the uninvited guest a drink, which led to some if the problems?

Sounds like the B&G had the measure of the SIL and grooms brother and had staff teed-up for these shenanigans - evidenced by hotel staff escorting old lady off to play area one first transgression (clearly it grounds were not open to public/other guests) and then again afterwards on second transgression crashing the party

Also seems that MIL of B&G is very bitchy and gossipy to be 'crying' to everyone else with all of these details - seems that they will blame it all on the bride.

Poor girl - what a nasty family she has married in to - imagine your new MIL bitching about you on your wedding day.

Do her a favour OP and send her a link to the MN relationships board / stately homes thread - she's going to need it with this lot.

So dud the hotel staff evict her rather a member if the wedding party?

Sounds like the hotel staff evicted her TWICE at the request of the B & G?

I would never have a child free wedding, so if it had been me the little girl would have been with her parents. If they had said the Mother in law was staying in the hotel to take care of her and do bed, time then I would have invited her to join us when the situation you describe arose. I can’t imagine anything worse than creating distress or treating people unkindly on my wedding day of all days. I would want it to be entirely a day of warmth and generosity.

I just can't follow family lineage as soon as it moves away from brother and sister ...

Uk weddings are such a field of UXOs (Unexploded ordnance). I always feel like somethings shouldn't matter that much. And people seem to forget this is one day out of many many days that you will live. Gran and kid could have said no big deal. We are not invited, let's go have fun. The other side also could have said, no big deal. It's just a gran and a kid. But no. Something has to explode and cause years of bitterness. And there I was smthinkibg this should be a happy occasion. Silly me

This reminds me of an OP was was upset her daughter was ejected from the wedding breakfast of her BIL (not her DH's kid).
Is this you giving it another spin?

I'm too tired I think and can't figure out how the toddler and the MIL are related to the B&G at this wedding.

But anyway, I wouldn't throw anyone out of my wedding unless they were really horrible. I don't understand why they were there though if not invited. Was the woman babysitting the toddler nearby?

Read twice and could not follow the story 😂