Couple ejects Sister-in-law’s mother from wedding

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am still kind of reeling/mulling on something I witnessed at the weekend.

About 8 years ago we went to the wedding of DH’s second cousin who was the groom. I distinctly remember the bride’s mother, a really lovely woman who went round making everyone feel welcome. No expense was spared, I think this is relevant but while my husband was fairly appalled at what happened he doesn’t think it’s relevant.

This couple now have a two year old and this groom’s brother got married at the weekend and previous groom was one of two best men.

My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited. Anyway even though we live in the city we stayed in the hotel for the weekend and so did the first couple and their little girl and her mother came along to care for the child while they were at the wedding.

After the wedding breakfast the mother and little girl were spotted in the grounds, my MiL and a few others went to see the little girl. Someone employed by the hotel kind of went over and tried to usher them inside and directed the grandma to a play area.

After first dance the groom’s sister in law disappeared and the brother came down with his mother-in-law who wished the couple well and she was given a drink by father of groom. The bride was eyeing staff and then another suited employee ushered the old lady out.

Sister-in-law then reappeared and told her husband what had happened, the brother and sister-in-law of the groom were outraged that her mother wasn’t allowed to join the wedding in the evening and left.

Mother of groom cried to my MiL and other cousins the next day.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

Exactly this. Only an insecure lowlife would begrudge the woman a drink and a brief break from babysitting.

I really can’t imagine excluding my young niece from my wedding to be honest, and making things difficult for my sibling. I have been to alot of weddings. Some have not invited all their friends & extended families children, which I understand, but never one where close family children were not invited. Some people are just twats.

I’m not gonna lie I didn’t really give a fuck about my wedding. It was a great day, but anyone could have wandered in and I probably wouldn’t have noticed. But don’t bring someone to a wedding who’s not invited!! Don’t crash a wedding??? I think it’s pretty much universal common sense.

The two parents of child brought child with them the grandmother was minding child, how miserable not to let her have a few hours at the evening event? Wth is wrong with people?

I'm sorry I can't give any advice as my brain has exploded with all the Mother in Laws and Nieces and Daughter in Laws...I haven't had to deal with a question like this since my verbal reasoning test aged 11. The dog ate my homework?? Is that the answer?

Where I'm from (N.I), being ejected like this in these circumstances would be considered incredibly rude. It seems the bride lacks kindness and hospitality. To not invite the groom's only niece, leaving her new BIL & SIL with childcare issues, with SIL's mum kindly spending a whole day at the venue babysitting, to enable her daughter and SIL to attend his brother's wedding, then when her daughter retired to put the little one to bed (most likely), she came down WITH the groom's brother, was welcomed by his family, just as she did at her own daughter's wedding. Then be treated with such utter contempt by the newest member of this family. Wow, the bride was out of order.

At my wedding, my neighbour (not invited), was standing outside the venue with her camcorder for my arrival. I thanked her and very kindly let her come on in to the ceremony, where she happily stood at the back (was full and no spare seats). I ended up getting an unplanned video out of that which I cherished.

Kindness is free and goes a long way. This does not bode well for family relations going forward. I can see why this would cause issues with the brothers now that one of them has married a nasty cow.

Exactly.

Childfree wedding is understandable. To make a pariah out of a kind and gracious woman who is facilitating that is completely beyond the pale.

The bride is an irredeemable lowlife.

It's pretty normal for couples whose babies or toddlers have been excluded from the wedding to stay overnight in the hotel with the child and uninvited Grandparent looking after them. That way, the parents are on-hand should the young child need them which is in the child's best interests. The wedding party had not exclusively hired out the whole hotel so of course the Granny can take the tot around the grounds for a walk and some fresh air. It's not gatecrashing for goodness sake. I despair with some of these nasty comments.

I read this as cousin, wife want to come to wedding, but it's an overnight stay and they don't want to be separated from their DD so they bring her and MiL to baby sit, with them, presumably this means the hotel had other guests staying too?

At one point the MiL is enjoying the grounds of the hotel with the DD, as any guest is able to do. Wedding guests see them and go to chat. MiL and DD get ushered inside by hotel staff to a play area - since there are no other children at the wedding, this presumably is a hotel play area, not a part of the wedding?

Later in the evening, cousin and wife go up to see their DD, wife stays and cousin comes down with his MiL, who wishes the bride and groom well and the Father of the groom gives her a drink - giving the impression she is welcome there, and taking wife's place.

If I've got that right, I don't see what's wrong with this for the most part. Cousin and wife go to quite some expense to attend his brother's wedding despite the lack of invitation for his DD making things difficult. They have a nice time. MiL, who knows a fair few of the people there, including the groom, wishes the bride and groom well and is gently included in the celebrations by father of groom. And since wife is not there any more she isn't increasing numbers over all and it seems that the hotel aren't kicking up a fuss.

Unless there's some unmentioned history and drama, or the guest list than 20 people, the bride (?It's not entirely clear but the impression given is that the bride engineered her being ushered out?) seems to have been pretty nasty about it. BUT there may have been back and forth about the MiL coming where it was made clear that she would not be welcome or some such. Regardless I do think the crying and carry on by cousin, wife and mother of the groom was pretty poor behaviour. There's no need for that sort of offended performance at a wedding.

We don't know how much say she had in the matter or how far away she lives. Presumably she was walking the child around the hotel grounds because that's preferable to spending the whole day stuck in a hotel room with a two year old? It sounds bizarre that hotel staff would be ushering wedding party members back inside (unless it was a "just letting you know that they are about to cut the cake" type of thing). After the 'upset' bringing your MIL down wasn't the wisest thing to do, but I can see how it could happen: "you have looked after my kid all day, come and have a drink". She may have thought it would be polite to toast the couple and give them her blessings - the groom's father obviously thought it was OK. It's most likely that she would have stopped for that one drink and gone back upstairs to carry on baby sitting. Having her escorted out was OTT, unnecessarily embarrassing and mean IMO. Don't know what the crying was all about.

In an Asian wedding, both the child and the SIL’s mum would have been invited for the whole wedding, so it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of the B&M.

However, outside of that, the SIL’s mum should been allowed to stay at home with her DGD or should have stayed away from wedding guests.

I wonder if SIL/BIL wrongly told her she could join in the evening.

No they shouldn’t have to put up with gatecrashers. This isn’t the B&G relative it’s the grooms brothers wife’s mother ! Fine to stay at the hotel with child but not fine to come into the wedding. And who had the child??

@whynotmereally

And who had the child??

The child's mother.

It sounds like the 2 y o was left in hotel room alone while her grandmother joined the wedding ? That’s worrying

The child’s mother went up to see the child in the hotel room and swapped places with the alleged gatecrasher

Oh I see thx for clarifying

Do we know this is it in the info. Maybe they parents didn't want her away from them maybe she is too young or they don't leave her often with people. Maybe she doesn't get looked after much by other people

I think we know what country there from 😆

I'm in NI as well where it is very common especially in country towns for people to go and watch the bride going into the church and the couple leaving. Some even sit at the back of the church for the service. I did this with my mum and sis for a family wedding which my dm was invited to but for some reason known only to her decided not to attend. I was invited to the evening reception. I got a photo with her 4 sisters who were attending which I will always cherish. If I was the bride I wouldn't have had her escorted out and here it would have earned the bride a bucket load of disapproval unless there was a back story.

So many mentions on this thread of communities and extended families with a relaxed, welcoming, inclusive approach to celebrating together. Who wouldn't rather be part of that instead of an over-elaborate wedding where the couple try to enforce expensive, onerous things like travelling abroad for the ceremony, dress code, expensive hen and stag dos, and so on.

No the mother and father went to see dd mother stayed with dd while father took grandmother to say congratulations to bride and groom. No big deal for normal people, not a gate crasher, a woman who has been minding a toddler all day.

Years ago my DH and I went to the wedding service of my cousin. Church services are and always have been public affairs so there was nothing wrong in that. After the service we set off to walk home and my uncle stopped us and invited us to come along to the reception. We thought it a tremendously generous gesture that we would have been rude to decline. We all had a wonderful time and no one’s nose was put out of joint. How times have changed. I think the groom’s father comes out of both these stories as the person with the kindest nature.

Doesn't really matter what we think. It was their wedding. If relatives aren't happy with what happened they should take their concerns to the bride and groom. Personally, I feel they were leaving themselves wide open for this to occur by having the grandmother caring for the little girl at the wedding venue.

What you can do if you've hired the church hall and caterers is different from what you can do if you've bought a wedding package from a hotel with specified numbers and guest list.

But regardless it was very rude of anyone who wasn't the host of the party to bring in someone not on the guest list. What if everyone on the list brought in an extra relative or two? Would be chaos.

@ReadingSoManyThreads - in fairness, your neighbour could have attended the service anyway. You weren’t “kindly” inviting her, Church services are public and not by invitation. Anyone can come in the back if they want.

It’s all part of the “if anyone has just impediment” bit - it’s not like an invited guest is going to speak up about why the couple can’t be married.

About the OP’s situation - she said there was already “upset” about the 2 year old not being invited.

The groom’s brother’s MIL lurking about with the toddler so guests of the wedding went over to see them was a pass/agg move. This probably pissed off the bride and groom who had already put up with “upset” about not wanting a 2 year old at their wedding.

The groom’s brother’s MIL then turning up “to wish them well” and being given a drink clearly, under the circumstances, narked the bride and groom as more pass/agg nonsense.

I don’t know why they felt so strongly about not wanting a toddler there, but it’s their wedding and they should be able to have it how they want.