Couple ejects Sister-in-law’s mother from wedding

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am still kind of reeling/mulling on something I witnessed at the weekend.

About 8 years ago we went to the wedding of DH’s second cousin who was the groom. I distinctly remember the bride’s mother, a really lovely woman who went round making everyone feel welcome. No expense was spared, I think this is relevant but while my husband was fairly appalled at what happened he doesn’t think it’s relevant.

This couple now have a two year old and this groom’s brother got married at the weekend and previous groom was one of two best men.

My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited. Anyway even though we live in the city we stayed in the hotel for the weekend and so did the first couple and their little girl and her mother came along to care for the child while they were at the wedding.

After the wedding breakfast the mother and little girl were spotted in the grounds, my MiL and a few others went to see the little girl. Someone employed by the hotel kind of went over and tried to usher them inside and directed the grandma to a play area.

After first dance the groom’s sister in law disappeared and the brother came down with his mother-in-law who wished the couple well and she was given a drink by father of groom. The bride was eyeing staff and then another suited employee ushered the old lady out.

Sister-in-law then reappeared and told her husband what had happened, the brother and sister-in-law of the groom were outraged that her mother wasn’t allowed to join the wedding in the evening and left.

Mother of groom cried to my MiL and other cousins the next day.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

No, she couldn't have, it was not in a Church and was on private property. It also had strict number limitations due to fire regulations.

I'm well aware that anyone can attend church weddings, Christenings, funerals.

I mean technically, in England and Wales, anyone can rock up to the ceremony (not the reception) as it is a public event...

But I am being a pedant on that point.

Was it an approved wedding venue in England and Wales? If it was a wedding (not a blessing with the actual legal bit happening at a different venue) then absolutely the ceremony is open to the public. That's why you have to give notice at the registry office and list the venue. To allow the ability for people to object if there is a legal impediment.

No, it wasn't in England or Wales.

There you go. I think that may be the context people are replying to you under. Weddings in the UK are public events (well, at least England, Wales, and Scotland. I think I had the same rules, but I'm not au fait with them). Even ceremonies at private wedding venues (if they are actually weddings - not blessings).

"There you go"? No, the previous poster who was raising this had made the assumption that I'd had a church wedding.

But also that in the UK non-church wedding venues are still public for the ceremony. So if you were getting married in the country the majority of posters live in/ and most likely got married in/ attending weddings in - the ceremony would still be a public event.

The grandma/mil and child should not have been at the venue as they weren’t invited, so it’s not rude to have escorted them out; they gatecrashed!

Why are you making assumptions on which country I got married in?

I'm perfectly aware of the legalities of weddings in the country I married, and in the UK where I live, thanks.

... I'm not. I was saying that may be something other commenters picked up. Not a totally unreasonable assumption either on a British website.

I guess the bride and groom should have bought every room in the hotel if they didn't want other hotel guests to be wandering around the grounds talking to people.

Child free means child free. As sweet as this older lady sounds, why was she bringing the child anywhere near the wedding?

She wasn't invited neither was the child. Why were they there,?

I agree with this.

We were married in the UK (England) on private property. We were limited in numbers due to fire regulations and were at max. Pretty sure no-one would have been allowed to just turn up.

It wasn't a child-free wedding. Read all the OP's posts. There were three children in the wedding party.

I was just thinking back to my own wedding day, well over 40 years ago. It was a fairly small wedding by modern standards. All my closest relatives were there. For reasons best known to themselves, very few of my husband's relatives accepted the invitation, but they were not a close family, and we are/were, in spite of being geographically scattered. Many of my family members who were there that day are now dead. The ones who are still alive all turned up to my father's funeral two years ago. By contrast, we are in touch nowadays with hardly any of the friends who were there that day. Obviously this doesn't apply to all families, but it does to mine - blood has indeed proved to be thicker than water. The bride and groom may find this out the hard way in due course.

One person, one drink, on the fringes of the evening event, for a few minutes. Chaos. Wow.

In the year after I had my first child we went to 3 no-children weddings, all of which involved travel away, the last of which was my brother in law’s and my husband was best man. My parents came and watched my child nearby but never in view of the wedding guests and wouldn’t have dreamed of coming in, even when all my husband’s family who they know well were there. They weren’t invited. My daughter wasnt invited. Accepting the invite meant accepting that situation. Our option was to decline the invite. Not to try to force in people that weren’t invited, even if we’d have done things differently.

So the child wasn’t invited but yet the MIL who was tasked to babysit her hovered around the wedding reception and the bride got upset

Yeah the MIL and the parents of the child are CFs and have no right to be upset.

All the extra about their wedding and how much it cost at the beginning of your post doesn’t matter. This wedding and this couple didn’t invite the child and the MIL so they shouldn’t have been there

One person, one drink, on the fringes of the evening event, for a few minutes. Chaos. Wow.

Read what I actually said then. If every guest brought an extra relative in. Only the hosts have that authority, in order to prevent chaos. And whether they do depends on their agreement with the venue and whether numbers are at capacity. It's not one in one out.

To the people saying anyone can attend a wedding, no, that does not apply at private venues. At public venues like churches and registry offices it does. Or may - we used a tiny registry office room and any members of public would have exceeded the number of permitted people under fire regs. If anyone wanted to come and object they'd have had to take turns with our party.

This couple caused chaos and drama before, during and after the wedding.

They clearly caused family upset in the run up to the wedding when their oddler wasnt invited.

They pushed boundaries with the MIL in the grounds during the wedding distracting guests from the event - so much so the MIL had to be escorted out.

They continued to push bring the MIL in again she had to be escorted out.

They then flounced off leaving the wedding and hotel early in anger - but not before involving the wedding party.

Then they have spread gossip and details amongst the extended family and friends and the global internet looking for sympathy - yet again dominating and shadowing the B & G just because they are unable to respect and tolerate the choices the couple have made in how to speend their own money on the biggest day of their life.

They sound hideous.