Couple ejects Sister-in-law’s mother from wedding

[ChorltonCreamery]

I am still kind of reeling/mulling on something I witnessed at the weekend.

About 8 years ago we went to the wedding of DH’s second cousin who was the groom. I distinctly remember the bride’s mother, a really lovely woman who went round making everyone feel welcome. No expense was spared, I think this is relevant but while my husband was fairly appalled at what happened he doesn’t think it’s relevant.

This couple now have a two year old and this groom’s brother got married at the weekend and previous groom was one of two best men.

My MiL said that there was upset that the child, the only niece wasn’t invited. Anyway even though we live in the city we stayed in the hotel for the weekend and so did the first couple and their little girl and her mother came along to care for the child while they were at the wedding.

After the wedding breakfast the mother and little girl were spotted in the grounds, my MiL and a few others went to see the little girl. Someone employed by the hotel kind of went over and tried to usher them inside and directed the grandma to a play area.

After first dance the groom’s sister in law disappeared and the brother came down with his mother-in-law who wished the couple well and she was given a drink by father of groom. The bride was eyeing staff and then another suited employee ushered the old lady out.

Sister-in-law then reappeared and told her husband what had happened, the brother and sister-in-law of the groom were outraged that her mother wasn’t allowed to join the wedding in the evening and left.

Mother of groom cried to my MiL and other cousins the next day.

Would you have allowed an old woman, your brother’s mother-in-law to stay in these circumstances? I would!

So.. the niece wasn’t invited and they felt so affronted by this that they sort of tried to wangle her into the wedding anyway, by having another uninvited person, the Best man’s MIL, hang around outside and catch the eyes of guests. Drawing their attention out and talking to them so it just made sense they be let inside.

Having in fact been ushered away from the event by staff and to a child appropriate area the child was sent upstairs and the MIL herself went down and tried to invade without the actually related person.

Having not been welcomed by the bride and groom they got very upset and derailed attention from the couple themselves and their celebrations onto talk about what is fair and what they should have done or not done on their own day.

Is that about the crux of it?

Sounds like she was over the line bringing the kid to the venue at all, probably annoyed the bride earlier
It's fine to have a kid free wedding, it's fine to tell people who don't respect your wishes to leave.
Don't think it's relevant she seemed lovely, appearances can be deceiving

Isn’t this almost identical to one we had a couple of weeks ago ? What is it with people rocking up, uninvited, to weddings ?

So the grandmother and the child were not invited to the wedding, came anyway because the child's parents decided they should have been invited, then the uninvited people were asked to leave?

Is that what happened?

People who are invited to a wedding can go to the wedding, nobody else can
Age is irrelevant
Its not difficult

The MIL should have politely declined when ushered inside. If she had been wanted there, she would have been invited!

Two people that weren't invited to the wedding turned up anyway? Fair enough, the 2 year old didn't know what was going on, but the adult certainly did. Sounds like manipulative behaviour.

Weddings are paid by number of guests so child and MIL should have stayed away. Why were they there in the first place?
If grandmother couldn’t handle the 2 year old for long then one of the parents should have stayed at home or both declined the invitation.

Of all the things going on that day - this might not even have occurred to the bride. I presume she was busy doing other things.

I think it’s totally unreasonable - unless the child was also staying at the hotel or was breastfeeding etc, to just turn up like that.

Agree it is very manipulative. This woman literally hung about outside the wedding catching the eye of anyone she knew to try and get herself and her granddaughter let inside.

It actually set alarm bells off when OP said she was very attentive and checking on all the guests at her daughter’s wedding. Yes, it could be lovely - but it could also be overbearing main character syndrome and centring herself. The bride at this wedding perhaps wanted to avoid this. And, given the way this woman rocked up twice trying to be let inside? I’d say she was right to hold her boundaries.

The MIL was fine to take the child into the grounds (provided this area was open to any hotel guest, rather than reserved for the wedding?), she shouldn’t have had to stay in the room the whole time.
She shouldn’t have come to the reception though. But tbh if it was after the meal, I wouldn’t have thought it mattered enough to ask her to leave. It sounds like the mother (of the little girl) went up to put her to bed or whatever, and the MIL came down? I wouldn’t have done it, but honestly who cares at that point in the wedding.

If your name's not down you're not coming in.

Tbh, OP, I'm not quite clear what happened here. The groom's brother (the best man) and his wife asked her mother to look after their child in the hotel as the child wasn't invited (I'm not really a fan of 'no child' weddings, tbh, but there you go. Not my wedding).

The mother took the child for a walk in the hotel grounds, and possibly contaminated the wedding by allowing the child to look at it from a distance. A few guests (outrageously) went out to say hello. The deliquent pair were eventually corralled and banged up in the Kids' Cage.

Later, the brother (the best man?) brought his elderly mother-in-law who had been child-sitting all day (some of the time banged up in the Kids' Cage) to say hello, where she was given a drink but then chucked out.

Is that more or less right?

Not very nice behaviour to a family member, all-in-all.

As usual, I find myself totally out of step with majority MN opinion on weddings. I can't for the life of me understand this need to micromanage every last detail and the obsessive fear that the bride (and to a lesser extent, the groom) might not be the centre of attention at all times. It's not healthy to be so self-obsessed. Why should this older lady not be allowed to come down for a short time for a drink? From the sound of it she would have been going back upstairs in a few minutes anyway to babysit when the toddler's mother returned to the reception. The utter humiliation of being a member of extended family and finding herself escorted out by security - shocking behaviour.

[dons flameproof suit]

I agree with this.

yes @ExtraOnions I saw that thread too!
it was the older ladies daughter who’d posted

I would have been kind, and used common sense..
A kind bridal couple is always going to extend happy vibes to their guests and for their future. What a blessing for one small child to be able to view a wedding from afar with her Granny. A bride having such toxic feelings on her wedding day is crazy.

The old lady did not plan for the best man to bring her down, nor for the father of the groom to give her a drink. She was not upsetting any details of the wedding. She was not incurring more cost. She was enabling the best man to do his job. It was a fleeting visit - until she minded the child again. It was appalling treatment.

Doesn't it depend on how the reception is being paid for? Many receptions are 'charge per head'. Two extra turn up and B&G could find an extra cost being charged to them. If it was some sort of packaged price it may not matter when the extras arrived.

No. The couple were bang out of order trying to sneak the MIL into the reception when she wasn't invited!

Yup, or if there’s an open bar or a tab. She was already given one drink that rightly should have been for one of the invited guests.

For those saying “at that point who cares who shows up” obviously the bride and groom care!! Or there wouldn’t be a guest list. They want the vibe they want with the people they know, are comfortable with, and who are genuinely there to celebrate them, with them.

Yes, I thought that too!

Wedding crashers are rude.

Using a kid to get sympathy, manipulative.

Crying, fuck you for making a scene when you're a barger. Fuck off.

Isn't this just the same thread from a few weeks ago, but last time it was written from the point of view of the little girl's mother?!

You don't come to a wedding if you are not invited. How hard can it be. Don't care about how Nice you seem you're a CF is you invite yourself.