Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

[IWantAShitzu]

We are regular inpatients at our local children’s hospital due to my sons rare condition (over 60 nights spent in 6 months)

usually we end up in the same ward, which is great as the staff all know him very well and he gets great care, we usually have a side room closer to the nurses station as he can be quite high risk so they like him being near them.

most recent admission the hospital was packed and there was no space on our normal ward so we were sent to a different one, and put in a four bed room - absolutely fine these things can’t be helped.

usually when our stays are longer I stay with our boy during the week while my husband works and sorts out our other three children, and then we swap out at the weekend.

when we were on this different ward, there were no privacy curtains. I was told they had been taken down for cleaning and got damaged, there weren’t any replacements available apparently.

Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable it wasn’t too bad although I felt quite exposed sleeping in such an open space with strangers but we all got along well and it was fine.

my question is - would you have felt comfortable if you were on this open ward and I had swapped out with my husband on the weekend as we normally do? I decided to stay, as I didn’t want my husband and the other mums feeling awkward, but I was annoyed that we were put in that position, it’s exhausting being in the hospital and I didn’t see my other children for a week.

was I unreasonable to stay instead of my husband?

It wouldn’t bother me who was staying there. They are a parent supporting a poorly child, and that’s that.

As a parent to a child with cardiac issues, we’ve had plenty of “bay” stays plus private room stays and my husband has stayed plenty of times. Everyone is with a parent so I can’t see how other people would feel awkward. Everyone is in the same boat just trying to be there for their child and get through the admission. Never given it a thought which parent is with the child. Never felt awkward.

Would I be annoyed that a father is in a ward beside his unwell child? No!

You put yourself in that position.

Nothing would stop my DH staying with our son and I wouldn't expect him not to.

And no I wouldn't 'mind' other dads staying with their sick children.

It's a shame about the curtains, hopefully they'll get replaced soon.

Ds was in hospital once for several weeks & dp & I took turns staying. We never thought anything of it. There were other dads there from time to time too. I was kept awake almost all night one night by one snoring extremely loudly.

Is there a reason you told your husband not to go and that you would stay because you felt it was inappropriate? It’s quite sad you felt that way

I have no issue with men staying in a children's ward. Presumably they are looking after their children.

It's different to men staying overnight on the maternity ward where women are lying there very vulnerable pre/post birth.

Are you worried about men being paedophiles on a hospital ward? It wouldn’t cross my mind

Multiple stays in hospital. Never noticed what gender the parent is. More concerned about my own child.

I would absolutely not care what other parents were on the ward.

It’s unreasonable for anyone to think the default parent present should be the mother. Also, it’s a hospital ward, so realistically, what does anyone expect to happen?

I don’t get the curtains thing. They’re paper and get replaced, not cleaned

What? No. Its just a parent staying with their kid, no different to you!!

Our youngest has muslitple stays at various hospitals every year, my husband and I take it in turns to stay, no parent really cares in my experience on those wards, you all just muddle along together hoping to leave ASAP.

Exactly.

Yes, a father should be able to stay with his poorly child. Not all children will have a mum, or she may be ill, working, needed at home, etc. The issue here is with the lack of curtains, not the dad.

More importantly though, I’m sorry you’re all in such a difficult situation and I hope your son gets the treatment he needs 💐

id def be more concerned about the curtains - arent they also for preventing spread of infections etc

Op honestly I've been the Mum in hospital with a sick child and a Dad with the child opposite me.
I wasn't 100% comfortable with essentially sleeping in the same room as a strange man.

BUT I fully respected he has as much right to be there with his child as I did with mine.

There could be a dozen different reasons why it suited that family to have Dad in hospital rather than Mum, (mums health, other children, work), and I just think you need to respect that.

No curtains either the nurses wanted them open so they could glance into the room to check the children

No, the dads have every right to be there. The mums aren't the patients, the children are. The children having a parent in attendance trumps the odd woman feeling uncomfortable. I've stayed in hospital with my children. I stayed fully dressed and didn't get any sleep at all, either on a hardbacked chair or a mattress that pulled down from the wall. It's not like you're tucked up in bed in your pyjamas.

DH and I take it in turns to stay with DD when she's in hospital, although having said that, she's only spent three or four nights in a bay, the rest of the time she's been in a side room.

There's always been a fairly even split of mums and dads staying with their children.

Thank you for your kind words! It’s been a tough journey and sadly we don’t know how long we have with our beautiful boy so we just make the most of every day!

and thank you to everyone who commented - interesting to see everyone’s views. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it had there been curtains, I suppose I always worry what other people think and was concerned one of the other mums may have had an issue with it xx

It wouldn't bother me at all. We took it in turns to stay with our child when he's been in hospital.

I don't remember there being curtains in the open children's ward, but children vulnerable to infection (or very infectious) were given their own room as much as possible.

I haven’t been in the situation but I’d imagine I would feel a bit uncomfortable sharing space with an unfamiliar man, like him hearing me fart or snore at night! I’d feel more comfortable with other women. However , the needs of the kids are the priority so I’d absolutely suck it up for the sake of all the kids and their families.

I wouldn't have given it a second thought, OP. A poorly child needs a parent with them, doesn't matter which one it is.

The child needing a parent supercedes any discomfort another parent may feel, especially for small children. For older girls it might be inappropriate but I have no experience of how it works with teenagers in hospital

Yes that was one of the issues - one of the little ones in there had a really sore looking eye infection and kept trying to touch my baby. Normally germs don’t stress me out but in our case a minor infection can be fatal to him x