Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

[IWantAShitzu]

We are regular inpatients at our local children’s hospital due to my sons rare condition (over 60 nights spent in 6 months)

usually we end up in the same ward, which is great as the staff all know him very well and he gets great care, we usually have a side room closer to the nurses station as he can be quite high risk so they like him being near them.

most recent admission the hospital was packed and there was no space on our normal ward so we were sent to a different one, and put in a four bed room - absolutely fine these things can’t be helped.

usually when our stays are longer I stay with our boy during the week while my husband works and sorts out our other three children, and then we swap out at the weekend.

when we were on this different ward, there were no privacy curtains. I was told they had been taken down for cleaning and got damaged, there weren’t any replacements available apparently.

Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable it wasn’t too bad although I felt quite exposed sleeping in such an open space with strangers but we all got along well and it was fine.

my question is - would you have felt comfortable if you were on this open ward and I had swapped out with my husband on the weekend as we normally do? I decided to stay, as I didn’t want my husband and the other mums feeling awkward, but I was annoyed that we were put in that position, it’s exhausting being in the hospital and I didn’t see my other children for a week.

was I unreasonable to stay instead of my husband?

This was my husband on several occasions as I was at home with a younger breastfed baby
What would your solution been then op?
Both parents should parent equally and that means doing stuff like overnight hospital stays

What do.you think single father's should do? Just stay away from their sick child in case some mother gets precious about it?

Of course Dad's can stay with their children.

How would a small child with an eye infection be able to get anywhere near enough to your child to touch them?

Mothers and fathers are equally important. Some children won't have a mother available, be that because of death/illness or them leaving. Some children will just be more settled with their father, some families will need the father to be the one there some of the time or all of the time. I wouldn't question a father staying on a children's ward and anyone that did would be very, very unreasonable. A child being in hospital is such a worrying and difficult time for families, it would be awful for a father to be made to feel he wasn't welcome to be on the ward with their child.

What would you expect single fathers to do? Or families with two dads and no mums? Of course it's fine.

Because it was an open ward with no curtains, it had a little softplay area right next to where my child’s bed was. Whenever he was in my arms the child kept running over and trying to touch him.

Wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Hope your son is doing well, OP.

Sounds an odd set up
wards mine have been in have had cots and beds just for sleeping and a separate play room.
would a mum have been better at keeping the child away from yours?

Some people might be, the overnight person in charge in the children's ward attached to a&e was really funny with me, my seriously unwell preschooler vomited all over my outside trousers in the middle of the night, and over himself and flopped down, then I had to whip them off and rush for help and she just agreed like I was some kind of pervert against children (even though there were none and I was wearing far more than I do in the swimming pool)
Then the next morning I woke to my son crying (in the private room with no other children) and i leapt out of bed to check on him and she freaked out again.

I can only imagine that she thought I shouldn't be there on principle or something and it was super upsetting for me given what was going on.

Gosh OP, you’re in a situation that’s unimaginable to most of us yet you’re still considering the feelings of other mothers so sensitively. You sound amazing, and I really hope you’re able to find time to rest amidst everything, and that you have good support around you. Hugs to you x

Sorry about your DC OP. No, in a children's hospital I wouldn't think twice about a dad staying over night.

Why should fathers be prevented from
being with their unwell children?

I wouldn't have an issue with it assuming the dad was considerate/quiet etc (same as with the mums!). But I guess we aren't experiencing the reality of those particular circumstances and maybe it felt quite intimate (not sure of the right word) if you felt it was better for you to stay. I think you made a considerate and sensitive choice for the other mums without knowing how they would have felt. Hopefully the curtains will go back up and you won't have a choice to make again but if you did I think it'd be fine to get your DH to stay.

Also hope your dc is better soon, it sounds very hard . It wasn't your question but I absolutely think the parent of the eye infection child should have been keeping them well away from yours.

My partner and I took it in turns to to stay overnight with our oldest when he had a 2 day hospital stay. It didn't occur to me to worry about what other parents thought.

I didn't notice the sex of the other parents who were staying the night either.

Had many hospital stays on bays with our child and never once have Ior his dad been concerned which parent was staying. It makes absolutely no difference. We are all there to look after our sick children. We even use the same toilet and shower.

I spent time in hospitals with my DC, usually in a side room, but for one week in a four bed room. There was a dad staying with his DC among the other parents. It didn’t occur to me to find it at all odd or difficult and I am very very sensitive about having single sex facilities in other contexts. We were all supporting our very sick children and that was all that mattered.

I would imagine they would be focused on their unwell child and wouldn’t really care what everyone else was doing so i definitely wouldn’t have an issue with them being in a mixed bay with mums.

I totally agree with this. There are single Dads. There are widowed Dads. Someone in my family was a widowed Dad with a four year old daughter.

Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable
This is terrifying.

Best wishes to you and your child.

It wouldn’t bother me at all, if I even noticed

Fathers are allowed to care for their DC. Heck, they may even love them and want to be with them!

Wouldn’t bother me at all.

And also, the comfort of another parent comes second to the comfort of an unwell child being looked after by their father tbh.

Oh OP, stop worrying about other people and do what is best for you and your family. DS had a week's stay at 10 days old, and first night we had no choice but for DH to take him to hospital whilst I stayed home with DD as I'd had a CS and couldn't drive. My dad took me up the next day, and I stayed so I could bf. It didn't occur to us that other parents would be uncomfortable with DH on the first night, and I had nothing but admiration and concern for the utterly amazing dad in the bay next to me, who simply didn't sleep or eat so he could hold his baby upright to help her lungs clear. I was pretty damn vulnerable, looking back, given I was fresh out of surgery and learning to bf, but it didn't even occur to me to be worried about the presence of dads. They are just worried parents trying their hardest too.

I am against men staying on maternity wards overnight.

But I am fully supportive of men staying on children’s wards overnight and I would actively encourage it.