Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

[IWantAShitzu]

We are regular inpatients at our local children’s hospital due to my sons rare condition (over 60 nights spent in 6 months)

usually we end up in the same ward, which is great as the staff all know him very well and he gets great care, we usually have a side room closer to the nurses station as he can be quite high risk so they like him being near them.

most recent admission the hospital was packed and there was no space on our normal ward so we were sent to a different one, and put in a four bed room - absolutely fine these things can’t be helped.

usually when our stays are longer I stay with our boy during the week while my husband works and sorts out our other three children, and then we swap out at the weekend.

when we were on this different ward, there were no privacy curtains. I was told they had been taken down for cleaning and got damaged, there weren’t any replacements available apparently.

Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable it wasn’t too bad although I felt quite exposed sleeping in such an open space with strangers but we all got along well and it was fine.

my question is - would you have felt comfortable if you were on this open ward and I had swapped out with my husband on the weekend as we normally do? I decided to stay, as I didn’t want my husband and the other mums feeling awkward, but I was annoyed that we were put in that position, it’s exhausting being in the hospital and I didn’t see my other children for a week.

was I unreasonable to stay instead of my husband?

After my last visit (with the Dad) I went out and bought leggings and a long nightshirt, to make sure it didn't ride up.

I'd never owned leggings. And I don't even think I've had those ones on. And I'll count myself lucky that LO hasn't had another hospital stay.

All of his hospital admissions were emergency admissions, with viral wheeze so I'd never had time to plan or think about what I was wearing.

Huh, I've always changed into PJs (as has DH) when I've been in overnight with a sick child. But then our local hospital has a pull-down cupboard camp bed beside every patient bed, so it feels much more like "going to bed" than trying to sleep in a chair (in which case, I'd stay in day clothes too). We are lucky - the children's ward got a revamp a few years ago, and installing parent beds was a superb decision.

We've been in so often now that DH has the various bays and private side rooms ranked in order of preference. Obviously he doesn't mention this to the staff, but is always relieved when DD is not in Bay 1 😂

My youngest son has a chronic condition and we (DH and me) had to spend too many nights in hospital with him when he was young. In some hospitals we slept on a chair, on some hospitals (our favourite) there was a fold up bed for parents near his own. We usually stayed in 4 kids to a room with a single bathroom with curtains always open unless a procedure was being done. Then they were closed for privacy.

We saw mothers, fathers, uncles, grandmothers etc staying with the children. Frankly, it didn't register the sex of the people staying with the other children. We were all in hospital caring and often supporting each other in difficult moments.

Genuinely, I don't understand the OP or some of the posts in this thread.

We eventually got into the routine of me staying during the week and then swapping with DH at the weekend. It also wasn't our local hospital so couldn't get a lot of support from family etc who who too far and also had to work during the week.

So I'm very glad that DH could stay. It meant I could have a break from the hospital and could also spend some time with our other child at the weekend.

I know most people don't have a long stay but it isn't exactly uncommon either, especially on the ward we spent the longest time on. When we were there, my son was one of 4 long term patients, the longest had been there for a year, the others for a couple of months.

@Kirbert2 that all sounds so hard and so stressful for all of you.
Hope your DC is well now.

But it's a prime example of why hospitals cannot dictate that only female or male family can stay.

And I say family because for some children it might be Granny or Gramps also taking turns with the parents.

In an ideal world it would all be single rooms, or only female family on girls bays, male on boys bays, but we don't live in an ideal world.

It wouldn't bother me. My Dad was a key figure when I was a sick child. One of my earliest memories is him being there when I awoke in the night as a toddler with pneumonia

He is doing good thanks. Home since January and it feels so good!

Exactly! If males couldn't have stayed, I would've lost my mind. The situation was already incredibly hard and I missed my other child terribly. I would've barely seen him in 10 months which isn't far off a whole year! It's very important to highlight that a hospital stay can be months and months for some children.

One of the wards he was in was bigger than the other 2 wards and had separate bays as well as a separate ward for teenagers. My son was 8 and then turned 9 not long before he came home so not on the teen ward but on the kid ward, it was split into 3 bays and they tried to keep it as babies/toddlers in bay 1, boys in bay 2 and girls in bay 3 but the other 2 wards didn't have separate bays, it was all open and also very small.

The staff try their best with what they have. They really do.

The teen girl situation is similar to the maternity ward situation... you have conflicting needs of some patients (women/girls needing all female space) to needs of other patients needing a relative to be a carer. Both can't have their needs fully met in that situation.... so which do you chose to prioritise. Ideal world is single rooms but thats not going to happen in near future.

The whole situation is hellish.