Page 11 | Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

IWantAShitzu · 2025-05-07T18:23:52+00:00

We are regular inpatients at our local children’s hospital due to my sons rare condition (over 60 nights spent in 6 months) usually we end up in the same ward, which is great as the staff all know him very well and he gets great care, we usually have a side room closer to the nurses station as he can be quite high risk so they like him being near them. most recent admission the hospital was packed and there was no space on our normal ward so we were sent to a different one, and put in a four bed room - absolutely fine these things can’t be helped. usually when our stays are longer I stay with our boy during the week while my husband works and sorts out our other three children, and then we swap out at the weekend. when we were on this different ward, there were no privacy curtains. I was told they had been taken down for cleaning and got damaged, there weren’t any replacements available apparently. Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable it wasn’t too bad although I felt quite exposed sleeping in such an open space with strangers but we all got along well and it was fine. my question is - would you have felt comfortable if you were on this open ward and I had swapped out with my husband on the weekend as we normally do? I decided to stay, as I didn’t want my husband and the other mums feeling awkward, but I was annoyed that we were put in that position, it’s exhausting being in the hospital and I didn’t see my other children for a week. was I unreasonable to stay instead of my husband?

x2boys · 09/05/2025 22:04

Kirbert2 · 09/05/2025 21:58

My son was in hospital for 10 months. PICU and 3 different wards, thankfully discharged since January.

The only time he had a side room on the wards was when he had infections or suspected infections and had to isolate. In PICU, parents weren't allowed to stay overnight at all.

The staff were amazing, don't get me wrong but space and options were always limited on each of the wards he was on.

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It sounds tough paticurly on icu as I said my son was in an adult Icuand tbf,were very accommodating this is just my experience of having a critically 16 year old

Kirbert2 · 09/05/2025 22:12

x2boys · 09/05/2025 22:04

It sounds tough paticurly on icu as I said my son was in an adult Icuand tbf,were very accommodating this is just my experience of having a critically 16 year old

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My son was critical too at first, he was actually in a side room at that point because we were told to expect the worst but I still wasn't allowed to stay overnight. To be fair, there was just no room due to all of the machines he needed so it was upsetting but I understood.

The ward he was on the longest only had a few side rooms so they were almost always full. The other two wards had more side rooms but they were also wards that had transplant patients so were always full due to those children needing to be isolated.

PawsAndTails · 09/05/2025 22:59

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 09/05/2025 19:30

I would propose no teenage girl has to sleep in a room with a random male.

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What's so special about teenage girls? They can deal with it like everyone else. "Yes dear, hospitals are uncomfortable places, aren't they? Being in hospital isn't fun for anyone." Generally stays are short and if they are in longer term, they should have their own room, like anyone else should. If my daughter is uncomfortable, I'll make sure she has a parent with her.

ButteredRadish · 09/05/2025 23:06

I’d be demanding a private room or to be moved to another room/ward whatever you call it, which had curtains. They’re not just for privacy but whilst we’re talking about privacy, that is something every child deserves. Particularly when they’re vulnerable.

Donewiththisshit · 09/05/2025 23:15

ButteredRadish · 09/05/2025 23:06

I’d be demanding a private room or to be moved to another room/ward whatever you call it, which had curtains. They’re not just for privacy but whilst we’re talking about privacy, that is something every child deserves. Particularly when they’re vulnerable.

Good luck with that! You are lucky to get a pillow sometimes!

Needspaceforlego · 09/05/2025 23:16

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/05/2025 19:45

I think Dad’s should be encouraged to take their turn staying with their children, so no I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. It’s not really acceptable that there were no privacy curtains though. Everyone needs privacy, even if it were a single sex space.

The nurses don't have x-ray eyes.
They want and need to be able to see children at a glance which they cannot do if people have curtains pulled round beds.

Not only does it block the view of the child who's bed they are pulled round they block the view of the bed next to them.

PawsAndTails · 09/05/2025 23:23

Donewiththisshit · 09/05/2025 23:15

Good luck with that! You are lucky to get a pillow sometimes!

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Exactly. Hospitals are horrible places to be with kids but you deal with it because it's part of being a parent.

I'm surprised at all the objections to other fathers seeing them in their pjs though. There's never been a time I've been in hospital with my children, for any length of time, that I've got into pjs. Normal clothes 24/7 here.

Kirbert2 · 09/05/2025 23:43

PawsAndTails · 09/05/2025 22:59

What's so special about teenage girls? They can deal with it like everyone else. "Yes dear, hospitals are uncomfortable places, aren't they? Being in hospital isn't fun for anyone." Generally stays are short and if they are in longer term, they should have their own room, like anyone else should. If my daughter is uncomfortable, I'll make sure she has a parent with her.

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My son was in for 10 months and never had a side room just because he was there longer term. I wish though! 😂

PawsAndTails · 09/05/2025 23:47

Kirbert2 · 09/05/2025 23:43

My son was in for 10 months and never had a side room just because he was there longer term. I wish though! 😂

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Ten months? You're a saint! And there should definitely be private rooms for that long an admission.

Dramatic · 09/05/2025 23:47

Kirbert2 · 09/05/2025 23:43

My son was in for 10 months and never had a side room just because he was there longer term. I wish though! 😂

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I think this is probably quite hospital dependant, my daughter has had lots of admissions in our local hospital and the bigger children's hospital, in the local hospital they only had one 4 bed bay and the other 15 beds were all in private rooms so we were unlucky if we didn't get in one of the private rooms.

maximalistmaximus · 09/05/2025 23:50

There should be private rooms.

I was the only parent the one night I spent in hospital with ds.

I wouldn’t have slept in a room with an unknown man.

I hated the postnatal ward for this reason. Hated being surrounded by strange men day and night. Had a home birth the next time.

Kirbert2 · 10/05/2025 00:00

Dramatic · 09/05/2025 23:47

I think this is probably quite hospital dependant, my daughter has had lots of admissions in our local hospital and the bigger children's hospital, in the local hospital they only had one 4 bed bay and the other 15 beds were all in private rooms so we were unlucky if we didn't get in one of the private rooms.

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To be fair, he was in a private room in the local hospital which seemed to be the norm there but he was transferred to the children's hospital overnight because he needed a PICU and the local hospital didn't have one so we never actually got to stop overnight in that room.

He was in various private rooms over the 10 months at the children's hospital such as when he was first in PICU and then various times during the 3 different wards he was on but always for specific reasons, usually isolating due to suspected infection and PICU was because of how unwell he was initially.

Kirbert2 · 10/05/2025 00:04

PawsAndTails · 09/05/2025 23:47

Ten months? You're a saint! And there should definitely be private rooms for that long an admission.

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It was certainly a journey. He went from not even a broken bone and never spending a night in hospital to 10 months in hospital, completely healthy and then it all went to hell for a while.

He's doing good now, still some after effects of everything he went through but he's still here and they told me he wouldn't be so I feel grateful every single day.

Needspaceforlego · 10/05/2025 06:06

10mths is a really long time. There's no way anyone could cope with one of those narrow not quite flat chairs for 10mths.

I'll count myself lucky to only have had a handful of short stays but by the end of 3 nights I was dying for a proper bed.

G0ldStar · 10/05/2025 06:20

ButteredRadish · 09/05/2025 23:06

I’d be demanding a private room or to be moved to another room/ward whatever you call it, which had curtains. They’re not just for privacy but whilst we’re talking about privacy, that is something every child deserves. Particularly when they’re vulnerable.

🤣That’s hysterical!!! You’re lucky to get a bed for your child and clinical need trumps everything re private rooms which we had from time to time. No way on earth would I be telling nurses how to run their wards.

Parker231 · 10/05/2025 06:50

maximalistmaximus · 09/05/2025 23:50

There should be private rooms.

I was the only parent the one night I spent in hospital with ds.

I wouldn’t have slept in a room with an unknown man.

I hated the postnatal ward for this reason. Hated being surrounded by strange men day and night. Had a home birth the next time.

If your DC was taken into hospital, I’m sure you would stay with them regardless of any other parents. A father has as much right as a mother to be there.
Private rooms for everyone would be wonderful but it’s not going to happen.
When DS was in hospital following surgery on a badly broken leg, DH and I took it in turns.

x2boys · 10/05/2025 07:33

ButteredRadish · 09/05/2025 23:06

I’d be demanding a private room or to be moved to another room/ward whatever you call it, which had curtains. They’re not just for privacy but whilst we’re talking about privacy, that is something every child deserves. Particularly when they’re vulnerable.

You can demand all you like , but it's not all about you and your wants and desire,s
If there is a child with a higher needs for the side room they would get it.

x2boys · 10/05/2025 07:40

PawsAndTails · 09/05/2025 23:23

Exactly. Hospitals are horrible places to be with kids but you deal with it because it's part of being a parent.

I'm surprised at all the objections to other fathers seeing them in their pjs though. There's never been a time I've been in hospital with my children, for any length of time, that I've got into pjs. Normal clothes 24/7 here.

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Me too I just wore leggings and t shirts .

G0ldStar · 10/05/2025 07:44

x2boys · 10/05/2025 07:40

Me too I just wore leggings and t shirts .

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Me too.

G0ldStar · 10/05/2025 07:49

Clinical need and patients are the priority. It’s not about putting extra demands on over stretched services. It’s not a hotel.

WtafIsThat · 10/05/2025 08:01

I can’t stand the parents who ‘demand’ a private room. Or who ‘demand’ anything for that matter. Who do you think you are?

We have 3 side rooms, which are used for patients who are infectious, sometimes patients who are severely autistic or whoever we decide needs it. And if a patient is in one and I need it for someone else, they will get moved out and put in a bay. Our wards are old, we have the set up we have. And as the nurse in charge I get to decide who has the rooms based on clinical need.

G0ldStar · 10/05/2025 08:11

WtafIsThat · 10/05/2025 08:01

I can’t stand the parents who ‘demand’ a private room. Or who ‘demand’ anything for that matter. Who do you think you are?

We have 3 side rooms, which are used for patients who are infectious, sometimes patients who are severely autistic or whoever we decide needs it. And if a patient is in one and I need it for someone else, they will get moved out and put in a bay. Our wards are old, we have the set up we have. And as the nurse in charge I get to decide who has the rooms based on clinical need.

This! My daughter is autistic and was put in a side room when it was possible . All of us including my daughter completely understood when it wasn’t a possibility and wouldn’t have dreamt of asking. If it happened great, if not frankly I was just grateful we were getting the treatment she needed. We just always went where she was put and it was often for several weeks. I know the nurses did their absolute best to make her comfortable and her stays as manageable as possible. When you’re in there a lot you see how much pressure staff are under on paeds wards.

x2boys · 10/05/2025 08:19

G0ldStar · 10/05/2025 08:11

This! My daughter is autistic and was put in a side room when it was possible . All of us including my daughter completely understood when it wasn’t a possibility and wouldn’t have dreamt of asking. If it happened great, if not frankly I was just grateful we were getting the treatment she needed. We just always went where she was put and it was often for several weeks. I know the nurses did their absolute best to make her comfortable and her stays as manageable as possible. When you’re in there a lot you see how much pressure staff are under on paeds wards.

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My son is too and was also put in a,side room if available ,he has comp!ex disabilities and very challenging behaviour,we also got to.use the sensory room
But I would never demand it,
There ,s always going to be Someone might have higher needs.

Profhilodisaster · 10/05/2025 10:33

I'm surprised at all the objections to other fathers seeing them in their pjs though. There's never been a time I've been in hospital with my children, for any length of time, that I've got into pjs. Normal clothes 24/7 here

Absolutely and sometimes the same clothes for days on end , when it's just not possible to go home and get clean ones .

Demanding private rooms ? Jesus , some people obviously have no idea what it's like in a hospital.

Profhilodisaster · 10/05/2025 10:40

maximalistmaximus · 09/05/2025 23:50

There should be private rooms.

I was the only parent the one night I spent in hospital with ds.

I wouldn’t have slept in a room with an unknown man.

I hated the postnatal ward for this reason. Hated being surrounded by strange men day and night. Had a home birth the next time.

Where is the money going to come from to build all these private rooms and where are the sick children going to go while they shut the ward to build them ?
I am just grateful that there's a hospital, never mind hotel like facilities.
I'm ex NHS and we used to say that the blue H stands for hospital not hotel.