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Original poster

Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

283 replies

IWantAShitzu · 07/05/2025 19:23

We are regular inpatients at our local children’s hospital due to my sons rare condition (over 60 nights spent in 6 months)

usually we end up in the same ward, which is great as the staff all know him very well and he gets great care, we usually have a side room closer to the nurses station as he can be quite high risk so they like him being near them.

most recent admission the hospital was packed and there was no space on our normal ward so we were sent to a different one, and put in a four bed room - absolutely fine these things can’t be helped.

usually when our stays are longer I stay with our boy during the week while my husband works and sorts out our other three children, and then we swap out at the weekend.

when we were on this different ward, there were no privacy curtains. I was told they had been taken down for cleaning and got damaged, there weren’t any replacements available apparently.

Apart from a couple of worrying times of viral toddlers trying to touch my baby who is very vulnerable it wasn’t too bad although I felt quite exposed sleeping in such an open space with strangers but we all got along well and it was fine.

my question is - would you have felt comfortable if you were on this open ward and I had swapped out with my husband on the weekend as we normally do? I decided to stay, as I didn’t want my husband and the other mums feeling awkward, but I was annoyed that we were put in that position, it’s exhausting being in the hospital and I didn’t see my other children for a week.

was I unreasonable to stay instead of my husband?

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 07/05/2025 21:27

I couldn’t work out which way to vote but of course you should swap out if that works for you. My daughter had a stretch of time of being in the hospital a lot and we always had my husband stay over night and me do the days just because I couldn’t sleep at all on the wards. Didn’t even think of it as an issue to consider.

you are clearly a very kind person to worry about this amongst all this. I hope your wee one is doing better.

BecFlowers · 07/05/2025 21:28

I’ve edited my comment as I think my first reply was quite defensive and reading more comments made me realise so 😂

Kirbert2 · 07/05/2025 21:29

GeorgiePorge · 07/05/2025 21:18

My issue with partners staying on mat wards ..both pre and post labour is that they were generally noisy and inconsiderate.
It's one thing to be there to support your partner..but in my experience I never saw much of that. The partners there were either snoring loudly, talking loudly on the phone, or listing to crap on their phones. It was that and not the babies, labouring women or nurses that disturbed me.

My overriding memory of my last labour is the murderous thoughts I was having about the man in the bay next to me who was playing tiktok videos on high volume and laughing obnoxiously.

He wasn't a weirdo or a sex pest, just an inconsiderate dick.

Show quote history

This can happen with mums on children's wards too. Funnily enough, I never had any issues with the dads but had 2 issues with 2 different mums.

One was very intrusive, she kept on opening my son's curtain when it was closed which meant that her children copied her and I had to be stern with it. She snored very loudly at night too and when she wasn't snoring, was either talking on the phone loudly or watching something loudly on her phone.

The other one was almost the opposite. She wanted perfect silence after 7pm so her child could sleep which wasn't always possible on a shared bay for many reasons. We ended up having words at one point when my child was crying and she opened the curtain and snapped at him that he was upsetting her child.

Obviously people with their child in hospital are going through a hard time so I was incredibly patient and tried not to hold any grudges but it wasn't easy practically living with a bunch of strangers thrown together along with unwell, grumpy children.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 07/05/2025 21:29

LilacMay · 07/05/2025 19:27

Is there a reason you told your husband not to go and that you would stay because you felt it was inappropriate? It’s quite sad you felt that way

I get why somebody might overthink this.

Different scenario, but a long time ago I worked on a children's wear department. I was often on the fitting room, and I remember one little boy who was disabled went in to try on clothes and his dad went into the cubicle with him to help. All the mums waiting outside for their children, who had been chatting up until then immediately went silent and moved so they could see into the fitting room.

My supervisor later told me I shouldn't have let the father in.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 07/05/2025 21:29

I was an inpatient a couple of weeks ago - 4 women and one of the women's boyfriend stayed past visiting hours and kicked off big time when asked to leave as lights were going out. The Matron got involved but it was a strict policy of no males.

But absolutely no issues when it's a child

Thisisnotmyid · 07/05/2025 21:42

If another mum has an issue with it that’s her problem! Your husband has every right to be there to look after his DC. Sometimes sick kids want their dads just as much as their mums.

Xiaoxiong · 07/05/2025 21:45

I think about it through the lens of safeguarding - who is in a vulnerable position? Who needs to be safeguarded?

When the woman is the patient - she's in a vulnerable situation and needs safeguarding, like after giving birth, or is poorly and may not be in a position to complain about a man on the ward. Hence I don't think men should stay on wards past visiting times on female wards, post-natal etc.

When the child is the patient, they are the ones who need safeguarding hence having a parent or guardian with them. The women staying with them are not the ones in a vulnerable position needing safeguarding, so no issue having dads stay overnight as well I'd say.

DS1 had 4 weeks in hospital once and my mum, DH and I switched off every few nights - as did many of the other parents too.

WtafIsThat · 07/05/2025 21:46

I’m a Paeds nurse and our parents tend to take it in turn. It’s never even occurred to me who stays and who doesn’t! It’s the children who’s parents never stay or visit, I feel sorry for.

We’re not allowed to close the curtains at the night or in the day unless it’s for privacy reasons such as intimate care, ward round etc. It’s hospital policy and our lives are a constant curtains battle.

Eldermillennialmum · 07/05/2025 21:47

OP I can understand why you would that way without curtains and what you're dealing with must be really difficult 💐

Cardamomandlemons · 07/05/2025 21:50

Totally fine for either parent to stay. Although I do think parent beds should be on wheels so any snorers could be shoved into the corridor. From experience staying with my kid in hospital and thinking very dark thoughts about the snoring parent doing his best tractor impression all night.

Kirbert2 · 07/05/2025 21:57

WtafIsThat · 07/05/2025 21:46

I’m a Paeds nurse and our parents tend to take it in turn. It’s never even occurred to me who stays and who doesn’t! It’s the children who’s parents never stay or visit, I feel sorry for.

We’re not allowed to close the curtains at the night or in the day unless it’s for privacy reasons such as intimate care, ward round etc. It’s hospital policy and our lives are a constant curtains battle.

Edited

I don't think the hospital my son was at had that policy or if they did, they were very lax about it. Everyone always closed their curtains at night and I sometimes did during the day when I didn't feel like talking to other parents.

TryingToStayAwake88 · 07/05/2025 22:03

I think as long as he is wearing pyjamas that leave a lot to the imagination it's fine. My husband stayed for 3 nights on a paeds ward last week and we thought nothing of it. When I had my twins, they came early so we didn't have clothes for my husband and he was allowed to sleep in my private room but was so embaressed he almost slept in his jeans. The midwife said she wouldn't mind boxers under a bed sheet (can't remember how that came up in conversation) but she had been surprised before by dad's sleeping naked. Can't be pleasant for night drugs rounds!

tipsyraven · 07/05/2025 22:03

IWantAShitzu · 07/05/2025 19:41

Thank you for your kind words! It’s been a tough journey and sadly we don’t know how long we have with our beautiful boy so we just make the most of every day!

and thank you to everyone who commented - interesting to see everyone’s views. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it had there been curtains, I suppose I always worry what other people think and was concerned one of the other mums may have had an issue with it xx

Show quote history

I’m sorry you have to spend so much time in hospital with your beautiful boy. You sound like a very thoughtful person, thinking of the other mums.

Needspaceforlego · 07/05/2025 22:05

Parker231 · 07/05/2025 21:04

Did you and your DH not take it in turns?

Show quote history

No because financially it made more sense for me to stay with LO and for DH to go to work.
However I do fully get that for some families it may well make more sense for the Dad to stay with the child and Mum to be business as usual and go to work.

Twiglets1 · 07/05/2025 22:11

I would understand that sometimes a family want to share the overnight visits so it wouldn’t bother me if the Dad stayed overnight.

anicecuppateaa · 07/05/2025 22:16

We used to be regulars too and DH and I used to do shifts. Mentally I couldn’t cope he there for more than a day or night, and often we were in for at least a week.

WhatsitWiggle · 07/05/2025 22:18

I've spent time in hospital with my DD, and swopped out with her Dad on longer stays. It wouldn't have bothered me if another family had a Dad overnighting instead of Mum, we're all there to support our own kids. It's not like you get a proper night's kip on those pull down side beds on a ward anyway (although it's better than a chair in A&E).

I agree with a PP that the issue is the lack of curtains and that needs to be resolved. Perhaps an email to PALS to highlight how uncomfortable it was for you and your family in that situation?

I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. I hope your journey is as peaceful as it can be x

Muffinmam · 07/05/2025 22:20

I’m in Australia and I don’t even like mixed wards. There was a case in my country of a male child who was in a children’s hospital for psychiatric issues who was a predator. I won’t go into what he did. Predators are everywhere.

I think it’s disgusting they put your baby in an open ward at all.

coronafiona · 07/05/2025 22:22

I have been in that position and I didn’t mind at all.

OrwellianTimes · 07/05/2025 22:24

You think only mums should stay with their children?

No, it needs to be fair and equal.

elliejjtiny · 07/05/2025 22:30

I've stayed in hospital a lot with the dc and it doesn't bother me at all if it's mums or dads staying. It's completely different if I am the patient and I wouldn't want partners (men or women) staying then but on a children's ward all parents are equal, regardless of sex. In our family it's normally me who stays because dh struggles to sleep and I can sleep anywhere plus dh is better at doing the school run than me. Dh is better at keeping calm in emergencies though so he normally does the initial dash to a and e while I pack an overnight bag and then we swap.

brunettemic · 07/05/2025 22:31

The amount of posts complaining about dads not being involved in parenting and then you have the worry here if dads being too involved (not you OP). People can’t win.

MsCactus · 07/05/2025 22:32

Xiaoxiong · 07/05/2025 21:45

I think about it through the lens of safeguarding - who is in a vulnerable position? Who needs to be safeguarded?

When the woman is the patient - she's in a vulnerable situation and needs safeguarding, like after giving birth, or is poorly and may not be in a position to complain about a man on the ward. Hence I don't think men should stay on wards past visiting times on female wards, post-natal etc.

When the child is the patient, they are the ones who need safeguarding hence having a parent or guardian with them. The women staying with them are not the ones in a vulnerable position needing safeguarding, so no issue having dads stay overnight as well I'd say.

DS1 had 4 weeks in hospital once and my mum, DH and I switched off every few nights - as did many of the other parents too.

But in a post labour ward, aren't the mum AND the baby vulnerable patients?

The issue I have is that often women post birth might have lost a lot of blood/be post surgery/be in no fit state to ensure the safety of the baby. In my scenario, I passed out with my first baby on my chest due to losing so much blood in labour. No midwives around and if my DP hadn't been with me on the ward, the baby wouldn't have been safe. No midwives at all around to help care for the baby.

Personally I think the vulnerable baby needing a parent there to look after it, if the mum isn't in a fit state post birth, is more important than other women being uncomfortable about a man being on the ward.

MinkyWales · 07/05/2025 22:37

My partner has stayed with ours several times. I hadn’t even given it a second thought. My daughter complained that my snoring was louder than his. 😳

butterfly0404 · 07/05/2025 22:39

27 years ago my Ex DH had to stay in with our newborn as she was very poorly in her first week and I had a womb infection so I was too ill to be in hospital with her.
He stayed night and day for a week, did all her feeds, baths etc.
Why would anyone see that as a problem ?